Sleep Battles

It is 11:30 pm.  Eliot is asleep in his crib.  Can you believe it?

Everything with Eliot has always come easily.  All those things that are supposed to be hard with newborns just weren't with him.  Except for sleeping.  Sleep has always been a battle.  When we were nursing, Eliot would wake up about every hour and a half.  So, between me taking forever to fall back asleep and actually feeding him when he got up, I more or less slept for forty-five minutes at a time.  It was rough.  I had to co-sleep.  I had to.  I couldn't handle not co-sleeping.  And he wouldn't nap consistently during the day, just "cat naps" during which I usually held him.  We started giving him a bottle of formula before bed when he reached four and a half months.  I was going crazy without sleep.  It didn't help.

What did help, though, was finally weaning him at six and half months and also adding solids.  Additionally, I think the fact that he spends almost all day crawling around and pulling up on things helps to wear him out.  Now he gets up at 2:00 am for a bottle and also 7:30 am.  Sometimes he is up for the day then; sometimes he sleeps in until 9:00 am or--if we're really lucky--10:00 am.  Then he takes a thirty-minute nap two hours after waking, an afternoon nap, and sometimes an hour to two hour nap in the evening.  I guess he isn't technically sleeping through the night, but it is manageable.  I can handle that.

However, Eliot still prefers to co-sleep.  What baby wouldn't, I guess?  Some people I know suggest letting him "cry it out," but that doesn't seem to work for us.  It works wonders with others, and I think that is awesome.  I'm really happy for people who can get on a schedule.  But I didn't feel right about it all the way.  Something just didn't seem right for us in our situation.  My instincts told me that it didn't seem right for us individually, like it was not right for Eliot.  But I tried it a few times anyway.

I don't think it can work for Eliot.  He doesn't go to sleep; he just stands in his crib screaming and coughing.  When I cave, he continues to wail and then hyperventilates for a while.  I don't think this is what they had in mind when they say "cry it out".  I think it is one thing to let your baby whine and cry a little, maybe escalate some, but Eliot sounded horrible.  He grew hoarse.  And I did try to stick with it.  The closest thing we got to "success" was him crying for twenty minutes, falling asleep for ten (and this was the only time he fell asleep), and then crying for another twenty.  I finally got him, and could not calm him down for the longest time.  If I go in and try to calm him down, he just gets more worked up.

It took Eliot longer to sleep closer to normal than many other babies.  I think that is a big part of why "cry it out" doesn't seem compatible with him.  Maybe it would work if I kept trying and was super dedicated.  I'm not saying it is wrong, but the way it has been with Eliot just isn't right for us.  I don't want to push him that far because it seems to stress him out abnormally.

Instead, I'm trying a different approach.  I let him fall asleep in our bed.  I remember my mom laying down with me when I was younger to help me fall asleep.  What's the difference?  Or rocking a baby to sleep in a rocking chair.  Then I put him in his crib.  Sometimes he wakes up and is like, "No way."  More often, though, he wakes up a little and goes back to sleep.  He doesn't sleep as long in his crib than if we were co-sleeping.  This transition may take a little while, but I'd rather do it this way than to let him cry.  I think he takes more comfort in being close to Chris and me.  But, to be honest, I like co-sleeping.  I like know he is there.  And Eliot cuddles more than I ever thought a baby would.  He wraps his arm around my neck and nuzzles my cheek with his nose.  He'll choose which one of us he wants to cuddle with (Chris or me) and holds on tight.  He's just precious.

Co-sleeping makes so much sense to me.  I think I have resisted it some just because of what others might think or say.  I have read over articles pointing out the connection established through co-sleeping, how the mother and baby fall into the same rhythm.  It seems natural and in many cultures the family sleeps together.  I know so many husbands and wives who say they have trouble sleeping without their spouse.  I remember when Chelse and I slept together as kids.  Then her bedtime got a thirty-minute extension and I was distraught.  Why would a baby be any different.  There have been many times when I know that I can get Eliot into his crib, but I don't because I just don't want to.  And there have been many times when Chris has said the same thing.  It's a sweet bonding time.  If we're all happy and it works, why change it?  I'll keep working with Eliot and his crib, and perhaps get him used to laying in there until he wakes up the first time, but I'm in no super hurry to get him out of our bed all together.

From my understanding, people who are against co-sleeping and other attachment parenting techniques worry about the independence of the child.  Eliot, though, is extremely independent.  He goes exploring all day without me.  Sometimes he whines when I leave the room and sometimes he comes looking for me, but more often than not he is off doing his own thing.  And when he does come looking for me, he usually just wants a bottle.  Some people believe that when children feel secure and confident in their parents, that alleviates some worries about being able to step out on their own.  I think this might be the case with Eliot in some ways.

In the end, Eliot isn't your typical sleeper.  He never has been.  He probably gets it from me because, as my mom always points out, I never slept through the night.  And I still don't--baby aside.  I lay awake staring at the ceiling and wondering why I'm not cleaning so often throughout the night.  Sorry for the sleepless gene, Eliot!  Bedtime is a challenge for many parents. And with Eliot, maybe we'll just have to keep trying new things.  And maybe "cry it out" can work for him someday as it does for many others, but tonight we'll be doing something else.