Why I Let My Son "Abandon" a Book

Sharing literature is one of my favorite things to do with my kids. This summer, I set up a summer reading plan for both of my boys. Eliot picked out a couple of chapter books, I selected two based on reading level, and then we acquired a few more throughout the summer. He read six chapter books this summer. It was supposed to be seven, but I let him "abandon" one of the books. I always have encouraged him to finish a book that he starts, but not this time. And here's why.

At the end of first grade, Eliot tested at a fourth grade reading level, but he was teetering on a fifth grade level. That means he can read on his own at a fourth grade level while his "instructional" level is fifth grade. I looked for a good fifth grade book to be a challenge for him. We would read it together. I hoped he would come across new words that he had not seen before. We would work together and his reading level would grow. My favorite book in fifth grade was My Side of the Mountain. In fact, I think that along with James and the Giant Peach were pretty much the only books I enjoyed throughout my intermediate school years. My Side of the Mountain is about a boy from New York who runs away from his city apartment to live off the land in the mountains. He captures and trains a falcon to be his companion. I dreamed of Eliot reading the book and loving the falcon friend. I dreamed of us going camping and Eliot carrying the book in his heart while playing in the woods. Well, reading the book didn't go as planned.

Eliot loves animals. He loves learning about new creatures. He names every spider he sees. He is also PASSIONATE about taking care of the environment and animals. When he sees woods being cleared, he scowls. He berates construction workers creating a new road. He gets angry when he sees tree companies removing trees in the neighborhood. He angrily recounts stories of other kids stomping on ants at recess. And garbage? Oh, if he sees litter at a park or the beach, he begins yelling about litter bugs and shouts, "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! Can you believe someone just LEFT this here?!" I should have thought about that when we read the book....

Reading My Side of the Mountain was going very well at first. Eliot began using his bookmark to help keep his eyes on the line straight. He was not stumbling over words at all. If we came to a simile, I would ask what it meant and he would describe it back. After reading, he would make predictions of what would come next. Before we read, he would tell me what was happening when we left off.

Then we came to the part with Frightful the falcon. In the book, the boy captures a baby falcon from a nest. After Eliot finished the chapter, he looked at me with a stone serious face. "I don't like this book." I asked why. It was the falcon. He said that Sam should not have stolen the falcon. He said that the bird belonged with its family. He was almost in tears. The words of the Wild Kratts (a PBS nature show) ringed in my ears. "Animals belong living free and in the wild." We say this quote a lot as we collect sandfiddlers at the beach and then let them go, or when we collect lightening bugs and then let them go, or hold an inch worm and then let it go, or when the neighbor had a raccoon in her attic and then let it go. For years, the boys have explored and looked for creatures and then always let them go. Of course Eliot would feel upset by Sam taking the falcon. Eliot kept using the word "stolen," but I, for some reason, never thought of it that way.

We continued to read the book anyway. Each time that I said we needed to read, Eliot would sigh and say he didn't like the book. Now, sometimes it takes a little arguing with Eliot to read. It takes arguing to get him to do anything because he often gets stuck or "sucked into" whatever he's doing, whether it is playing video games, drawing a picture, creating with legos, organizing Pokemon cards, or whatever. This was different, though. He kept saying he "really didn't like" this book. When I asked if it was hard, he said no. He said it was easy for him. It always came back to Sam stealing the falcon.

We made it to page 90. We were more than half-way done. If he finished the book and took a Read'N'Quiz test on it at school, it would be worth six points. He never asked to quit the book, but I told him that if he really didn't like it, we could abandon it. He said, "Can we just not read anymore books that has people stealing animals?"

I wanted Eliot to love the book. I also want him to love to read. He did not love the book--and that's fine--but I did not also want him to dislike reading in general because of one book. I didn't want to push him away.

We set My Side of the Mountain aside. Eliot is only seven. It is the first book that I let him abandon. One of my goals for the book was for him to grow in his vocabulary as well, which he did. I need to learn to set aside my expectations as well. I want to share the things I love with my children, but if they don't love them like I do, I need to acknowledge that they are individuals. I want to learn more about them--more about what they love. And this shared experience with Eliot taught me even more about my son. He is truly passionate about the right and fair treatment of animals. He's a conservationist. He's an environmentalist. He's an advocate for animal rights. And he's a vegetarian (almost vegan, but he eats yogurt)!

Eliot has read two books in the Catstronaut series. I got the third book the other day, and the next book in the Bad Guys series just came out too. I had pre-ordered it for him. We still have a few days left of summer break and I'm sure he will rip through those books along with the Dragon Masters book that he is half-way through (and started yesterday). These books are all so easy for him--too easy, even--so I'll let him read some easy books and we'll select his next challenge together. This time, I'll be sure to select a book that doesn't include stealing a falcon.

Teaching Jack to Read: Tools and a Plan that Worked for Us

When I prepared to send Eliot off to kindergarten, I did not realize what would be expected of him so quickly. I focused on letters, phonetic sounds, and numbers. We reviewed shapes and colors. I never really thought about sight reading. My niece and nephew had learned to read with "keep books," small books that used a lot of repetition with just a few words. These little, paper-back books were stapled together and the students would "keep" them. I figured that since my kids attended school in the same city, we'd have a similar process, so I wasn't worrying about it.

But I was wrong. At Eliot's school, they focused HEAVILY on sight words with word wall words. Students were all assigned a handful of words each week to memorize. They did not focus on phonics much until later with a "word study" each week in place of spelling words. The "word studies" had words that followed phonic rules, so students would organize words based on that phonetic sound. I'm not saying one is right and one is wrong, but I had been preparing Eliot with a different system in mind. The school expects kindergarteners to be reading by the end of the first nine weeks, so I felt incredibly behind.

Eliot caught up quickly and was reading at a second-grade level when he finished kindergarten (and a fourth--almost fifth--grade level when he finished first grade), but I wished I had taken a different approach in the beginning.

The second-born always gets to benefit from the mistakes and lessons learned from the first-born, right? As Jack finished up pre-K4, I did a lot of research into different methods of teaching kids to read. I wanted to include a balance of phonics and sight words. It certainly helped to know the strategy that would be used to teach him in kindergarten.

I found a few really helpful tools that we have used, including apps, books, and writing.

Learn with Homer App
 To work on letters, I subscribed to the Homer app. It is about $7 a month, and parents can set up a "pathway" for kids based on their learning goals. The app includes lessons on letters with videos, games, tracing activities, and more. Multiple children can log into the app and have their own pathways. The app also has ebooks that the children can read or have read to them. I liked Homer a lot, but I began using it after Jack already knew most of his letters. It would have been more useful earlier on. I would definitely suggest it, though, if you are starting out.

Scholastic First Readers Books
At our school, kindergarteners are expected to be reading at a "D" level by the end of the year, but how do you even know what a "D" level is? One way that Scholastic measures their books and reading levels is with letters of the alphabet. When Eliot was in kindergarten, I discovered these box sets organized by the alphabetical reading level. I started with D, and then bought E and F. After Eliot mastered those, I just cut him loose on whatever he wanted to read because he was reading just about anything by that point. To prepare Jack this summer, I bought a box of level A books. Each book has a couple of sight words that are emphasized with repetition. Jack's confidence is built up as he reads a real book. You can get a pack of 25 little books for about $16 on Amazon. I should probably get him the B box!

Usborne Very First Readers Pack
I also worked through Usborne's Very First Readers books. I really liked this approach. The books are meant to be read with your child. The parent reads the page on the left and the child reads the page on the right. The books follow a purposeful plan of introducing small sight words while also teaching phonics. After the child can read the book two times successfully on his or her own, you move onto the next book. It is so fun to watch your kid approach a book that seems challenging at first and then master it. For us, we just had to make sure that Jack wasn't simply memorizing the story since the first book is rather simple. I made him point to the words as he read them. Usborne books can be purchased through a seller, Amazon, eBay, and probably other places as well. I got the set of 15 hardcover books for $35 on eBay. It's a little pricey, but I think it is a well thought-out program and the books are well-made. Usborne has other sets and reading levels, but we have not delved into them beyond this set.

Writing Books Together
I had trouble finding books that were at Eliot's level when he first started learning to read. So many of them seemed too simple or too advanced. Instead, we wrote our own books. He loves to be creative, so we would write books about our pets, dinosaurs, Godzilla, and more. I intentionally included some sight words that he was working on in school as well as some extras that I thought would be helpful to learn. Eliot took pride in our stories, and it was the first time that I could really grab his attention and get him engaged in the reading process. I have done this with Jack as well. He comes up with a topic, we brainstorm together, I write the words, we draw the pictures together, and he colors them. Then we practice reading our books.

Teaching a kid to read can feel like a huge, impossible task, but if you take it slow, try different approaches, and stay positive, they will get there!

Jack has come a long way with reading this summer. I tried to let my boys have unstructured play and laze around this summer too because I think that is important since the school year can get so busy between homework and soccer practice. I make it goal to gain new knowledge over the summer instead of losing it, though, and I am so excited to see what Jack is capable of this fall in kindergarten.

Listening, especially when it doesn't make sense

My boys talk a lot. Constantly. We are working on not interrupting, but it is common for them both to be talking to me at the same time. When Jack has to wait his turn, sometimes he face palms and whines. He does wait, though. And sometimes Eliot runs into a room and starts telling a story without first gauging to see if someone else is speaking.

I'm all about teaching them when it is appropriate to speak. And sometimes it can be draining to listen to all of the little inconsequential details, but I know that listening intently to my sons speak is incredibly important for both now and later.

Jack attends speech therapy for an articulation disorder. He was slower to begin talking and has had trouble speaking. When Jack speaks, I must pay close attention and listen. Sometimes I don't know all the words he is saying, so I try to pick out words I do understand and help follow his narrative from context clues. It can be hard to fill in the blanks, especially when it is all day, but it is important. It is important that he feels that he has a voice. It is important so that he keeps trying.

When Eliot gets off the bus in the afternoon, I want to hound him with questions. I want him to know that I care--and I have missed him so much! A lot of times, though, he isn't interested in recounting the ho-hum of the day. So, I ask questions, but follow his lead and give him space. He wants to get home, eat a snack, and play with his brother. As he eats his snack, though, he'll start opening up to me and tell me about things on his mind. I have learned where his boundaries stand, and I need to respect them. It is important that I remain available.

I want to support my boys, but I have learned that sometimes offering support comes more in the form of listening than giving advice. Last week after basketball practice, Eliot walked over to me with his water bottle in hand and I could see frustration all over his face. "I didn't like that practice," he said. I told him it was OK, that we'd get to the car, and I wanted to hear everything he had to say--I told him that I wouldn't speak until he was done talking. Practice had been fine--no one was mean to him--but I knew he needed to vent and didn't need me to interrupt him to tell him that he was wrong. It is important that I let my sons know that they are heard and their thoughts are valid.

I am lucky in that my boys tell me everything. They tell me about the levels on their video games, the toys they want, things they want to do, how their tummies feel, and so much more. It can be difficult to keep up at times, but I try to show that I am listening (and not playing on my phone) whenever they need to speak. And then sometimes they tell me very important things, like things they are afraid of, worries about school, frustration, hurt feelings, or a friend who was talking about self-harm (which I reported to the teacher).

This openness about trivial things turns into openness about bigger things. I work to establish my availability, concern, and interest today so when life grows more complicated when they get older, they know I'm always here to listen for as long as they want to speak.