On Photography

I am obsessed with documenting everything.  It is so important to me.  When Chris and I first got married, we bought our first DSLR camera together.  It felt scary and maybe reckless even since we didn't have a lot of money.  However, we didn't want to miss all those important moments of our early marriage.

Taking photographs turned into our favorite hobby.  If we felt like buying something, instead we would go for a walk and take photos.  We took photos of everything.  Each other, our dog, our food, our books, the grass, the trees, the sky, the water, interesting buildings downtown....  When I had new photos to look through, I felt rich.

When Eliot arrived, our focus changed.  Fewer photos of how interesting the cobblestone looks all worn down.  More photos of that beautiful baby boy.  It felt silly taking a photo of just me or just Chris.  Eliot was in every photo.  I took pictures of him doing everything.

As time went on, I took less photos.  Still a lot and probably more than other people, but less.  I had less time to edit.  Even if Eliot were doing something cute, I allowed myself to soak up the moment and not go after the camera.  Plus, I could frequently just take a picture on Instagram.  It's not the same, but it's something, right?

Lately, I have felt guilty about the lack of photos I have been taking.  Of my son, of my family, of myself.  I have so few photos of myself pregnant with Jack.  I try to remind myself that it has been cold, dreary, and busy lately.  We haven't gone off to do much "fun".  We haven't gone on photography walks or trips to the park.  It is winter afterall.  I should focus on taking more pictures at home too, but I know I will take more when we get start getting outdoors this spring.

 At the same time, it's the little moments that are really the big ones.  Eliot "cooking" soup alongside of me.  Putting puzzles together.  Cuddling with the rabbit.  There are times that I don't feel like dealing with the difficult lighting in our house--I need to grab the stinkin' flash or learn how to work with what I have.  I don't feel pretty enough to be in pictures--in the future when I flip through the pages of our photos, I won't care how I looked and I am my biggest critic anyway.

Then the other day, we had work to do but it was warm.  And we had just enough time to run to the beach and see how Eliot enjoyed the sand.  He loved it.  Loved it.  Before, he wasn't so sure about the waves at the beginning of last summer, but he is all about it now.  I managed some great shots.  I felt rich again, just like I did when we first starting taking pictures five years ago.