The End of Eliot's Sleep Saga

I think this might be my last post about Eliot's sleep issues.

Eliot has always been an especially horrible sleeper, and at some points I wondered if I did it to him, but since having Jack and seeing that not all babies sleep as insanely as he did, I know he's just different.  He's just like me.  We co-slept with Eliot due to his constant nursing, light sleeping, and need to be comforted.

Then around a year and a few months, we tried transitioning him to his own bed.  It didn't work.

At two years, we tried again with a mattress on our floor.  That semi-worked.

At two and a half, we put the mattress in his room.  That was three months ago.  Every single night (with the exception of just two nights when he was sick), he has started out in his bed in his room.  And he climbs in our bed in the early morning.

We were missing one last step:  a bed beyond just a mattress.  I know quite a few people who just have their kids sleep on a mattress on the floor for a while, but Eliot is getting on to three, so we figured it was time to get the dude a bed.  And he also banged his head really hard on his window sill one night....  He was all excitedly climbing into bed when the lights were off, and he kind of missed the bed.  I felt so bad!

Chris wanted to get bunk beds for the boys eventually, thinking that maybe they will want to share a room.  And, come on, bunk bed are awesome.  The cheapest ones we could find were $500, which I suppose isn't too bad since you're getting two beds....  Then we thought, hey, maybe Chris's parents would let us use their bunk beds.

So, instead of dishing out a good amount of money, we were able to use the bunkbeds of Granddad Robinson's boyhood.

Eliot loves them and is doing great climbing up and down the ladder.  He knows that he is only allowed to sleep on the bottom bunk for now, though.  We set up sheets and pretend they are sails on a pirate ship.  Eliot says the beds are his "house," and we hide from the thunder and the rain.

We have so many fort games and pretend ships ahead of us, and I'm so thankful for these awesome beds.

As for Jack, he is still sleeping in the portacrib.  At one point, he was only waking up once or twice a night.  Then four-month sleep regression came along.  Now we're up to four times a night.  Oyyy.  But, I'm sure he'll get better, so I'm trying hard to keep him sleeping in his own space.

Transition Away from Co-sleeping: Regression and Progress

I have written before about why we decided to co-sleep, our sleep battles in attempts to transition Eliot out of our bed, our most recent transition away from co-sleeping, and my search for new tools.  

Eliot recently turned from a not good sleeper into the worst sleeper.  The worst!  He kept creeping into our bed earlier and earlier.  Getting him to sleep for his nap and at bedtime was taking longer, requiring more wrestling (yes, I'd have to pin him down), and resulting in more tears (mostly his, but sometimes mine too).  At night, he'd wake up once an hour and a half or so.  I mean, full-on sit up in bed, talk a little, and then go back to sleep.  When he was asleep, he had to be holding onto me and was kicking Chris so badly that I was either constantly pulling Eliot away from Chris or Chris was actually getting up in the middle of the night to go sleep in Eliot's bed.

I'm all about co-sleeping if it is working and everyone is happy, but it wasn't working and no one was happy.  With a third trimester pregnancy belly and the burning need to change positions and use the bathroom, I was so uncomfortable.  I would wake up aching and my bladder felt neglected because I was trying nottt to get up to avoid disturbing my toddler (who would then greatly disturb my husband).  I was worrying all the time about how in the world this would work with a newborn--and time was running out.

I felt at a loss.  I tried everything I could think of.  And that's when Eliot tried some things I didn't want to.

In a matter of a week, Eliot stopped napping and using a paci.  Surely, I thought these things would make my life harder.  He's a mess without a nap--a really crazy mess running around my house throwing things.  However, without the nap, he started sleeping more soundly at night and didn't need the nap and no longer turned into a wild thing at 2:00 pm and 8:00 pm.

We still have an afternoon "rest" time.  He does get tired around his old nap time, but doesn't act up.  I give him some milk and we cuddle while watching tv or reading books.  He rests for about 40 minutes or so, and then is back at it.  This down time seems to help.

As for the paci, we had lost them all, so I thought I'd give it a shot.  I thought it was going to be bad and hard and a fight.  But he just went to sleep without it.  He does wake up once at night without it, though.  He cries and cries until I get him something to drink.  I'm probably perpetuating a bad habit, but you try dealing with a hysterical, crying toddler in the middle of the night.  I've let him carry on for two hours (holding him and rocking him) and he doesn't stop until I get him some milk.  Honestly, I think he is hungry, so I've been trying to get him to eat an extra snack before bed and have a banana or a banana smoothie for the melatonin.  That actually seems to help.  Also, I'll slowly work the milk down and switch to water.  And then work the water down.  Or, if little dude just has to have water in the middle of the night for a while, I really don't care.  I'll deal with that whenever we switch out of nighttime diapers--and we haven't even started potty training.

So, what used to take 15-40 minutes of holding, sometimes crying, sometimes wrestling now just takes about 10 minutes of snuggling.  Whaaa?  All because Eliot no longer naps or uses a paci?

This might sound like the same old story from me, but lately I have been laying down with him in his bed to get to sleep around 9:30 pm.  He always says he wants to sleep in the big bed instead, but he drifts off without a fuss.  Then I leave.  And he wakes up around 4:00 am.  I try to get him back down.  Sometimes he needs the milk, sometimes he goes back to sleep, but this is usually when he gets in our bed.  Then he wakes up for the day around 8:00 or 9:00 am.

I said last time that I didn't mind him getting in our bed in the early morning.  I really don't.  I just wanted him to go to sleep faster (not 40 minutes) and stay asleep in his bed until 4:00 am--none of this asleep at 11:00 pm, wake up at 12:30 am, and then get in our bed at 2:00 am stuff.  And somehow without the nap and maybe the paci, he is sleeping better.  And the 4:00 am thing is working well enough, especially since he isn't kicking or demanding to hold onto me all the time.  While he isn't an independent sleeper all the way, we're at a really good place finally, I think.

p.s. If you were wondering how the weighted blanket worked from my last sleep post, well, it just didn't work out for us.  Eliot doesn't like blankets to begin with and wasn't a fan.  Maybe it'll help a little later.

Transition Away from Co-sleeping: Looking for New Tools

I have written before about why we decided to co-sleep, our sleep battles in attempts to transition Eliot out of our bed, and our most recent transition away from co-sleeping. 

Our sleep transition with Eliot has been taking longer than I had hoped.  It has been three months.  Here are our general accomplishments:
-Eliot goes to bed around 9:30 pm.  He doesn't fight it or cry.  He even asks to go to bed sometimes.
-I lay with Eliot to get him to sleep.  I wait until he is in deep sleep, but that sometimes means I end up falling asleep myself and don't get in my own bed until after midnight.
-Eliot rouses once an hour or so.  He has done this since birth.  If he is in bed with us, he sees I'm there, cuddles up close, and goes back to sleep.  If he is in his bed, he sits up and calls for us.  The first time, I try telling to go back to sleep.  Sometimes this is enough, but generally I have to get up, lay him back down, and tuck him in.  He goes right back to sleep, though, and I don't have to lay with him.
-By the second time he gets up, I usually haven't even fallen back to sleep yet.  I feel tired and frustrated.  I tell him to go back to sleep.  This second time is when I allow him in our bed, often about 4:00 am.  Sometimes he crawls in our bed himself; other times Daddy goes to rescue him.

These are in areas in which we need to improve:
-I wish I didn't have to lay with him until he is in deep sleep.  I wish I could just lay with him for about 20 minutes as he is in light sleep.  I've tried leaving him, but it never lasts.  He gets up and cries.  I've left the room too, but he ends up crying at the door.  I don't want to get in a cry-it-out debate, but I do not feel comfortable leaving him alone in our room at night crying at the door.  Sleeping alone in our room?  Yes.  Playing during the day with lights on in our room?  Yes.  But crying in the dark alone?  No.  I don't know what he might get into.  Plus, it doesn't seem to accomplish anything for us at this point.
-Eliot needs to learn to get himself back to sleep when he wakes up in the middle of the night.  He has the same rhythm during naptime--he wakes up after about an hour, but I always sit with him during his naps (doing work on the computer, so it isn't wasted time at all), so he goes back to sleep.
-I don't mind him getting in our bed in the early morning.  In fact, I prefer it.  It would be nice, though, if it could be more consistently around 4:00 am.
-Eventually, he needs to be moved into his own room.  Whether that is before Jack comes, I don't know.  It'd be nice, but I'm not pushing it.

Since I've been at this for three months without breaking beyond this progress, I need to try different approaches.  I can keep trying to leave him during light sleep to see if he just "gets it," but that is incredibly exhausting and frustrating.

As I search for answers, I came across the idea of a weighted blanket.  These blankets provide the security and feel of being held.  Now, Eliot HATED being swaddled as a babe; however, he needs the assurance of someone holding him in order to sleep.  Maybe the weighted blanket can help with that.

Maybe I'm not a crazy, horrible parent who has allowed her son to become dependent on others to sleep, but instead he has a physical need to address instead of a behavioral issue.  It seems that many children have success with the weighted blanket because it helps release serotonin to aid sleep.  Maybe Eliot needs extra serotonin and my embrace at night is what helps him get that.  I hope that the weighted blanket can help him.

Of course, there is also melatonin, which I am cautious about.  I hear that it is great and helpful for short-term, but you can build a tolerance.  I am always leery of long-term use of something like that.  Instead of purchasing melatonin itself, perhaps I could try having Eliot eat a banana or drink a banana smoothie before bed.

So, that's where we stand at this point.  We've done well, but I think we need to try some new things to get us to the next step.  I've approached his sleep transition as a Behaviorist with classical conditioning (big boy bed = sleep, safe, and comfort) and operant conditioning (getting new sheets, Cars pillow, and stuffed toys; eventually, I'd like to get him a car bed as a reward).  Now it is time to see if hopefully some Biological approaches with the weighted blanket and melatonin from a banana might help.

Lately

I've been writing on random topics lately, but not so much about our days.  Honestly, our day-to-day probably looks quite boring since we work from home and then Eliot naps in the afternoon.  Sometimes it feels like we can't get out for an adventure until after 4:00 pm, and then I need to be figuring out dinner, so we just don't leave the house all day.  (Not complaining, just saying).

We've made more of an effort, though, to get out the door in the mornings for some fun or to shift things around (like letting Eliot nap in the car instead on warmer days knowing his grumpiness to follow will be worth the fun.  Right?  Right?).  I've lost a little bit of pride and am OK with getting myself to look presentable in the mornings without a shower in the interest of getting out.

We tried taking Eliot to the library on colder days, which worked for a while.  He enjoyed doing allll of the puzzles a few times.  He played with some toys.  He is of course interested in the books, but he grabs too many, opens each one, and runs back for more.  Good thing Chris used to work in a library and is great at returning books to the proper shelf quickly.

I think we're doing all right with the whole "big boy bed" transition away from co-sleeping.  I've been consistent and encouraging independence yet not letting it stress us all out.  It's been a month, I think, and Eliot generally starts out in his bed and then crawls in our bed in the morning.  Some nights are easier than others.  Sometimes I see progress; sometimes we take a step back.  I'm just going to keep on with the consistency.

However, Eliot did get sick and wiggle his way back into our bed for a few nights.  He just had a runny nose and then all of the sudden at night he started up with that croup-sounding cough!  Nooo!  He had croup when he was about 10 months old and it was horrible.  I don't know for sure if this was croup, but it sounded like it....  Fortunately, he is older and bigger and has larger vocal cords, so it wasn't as bad and mostly lasted just that night.  However, for that night, he stayed up until 4:00 am and then was awake for the day around 8:00 am (and I got up at 6:00 am), which was not fun.  Ever since that night, he just has a runny nose, seems fine, and coughed maybe twice.  I'm so thankful he feels better!

On the decently warm days (like 55 degrees and sunny), we have gone to the beach twice after Eliot's nap.  We play in the sand, chase seagulls, flirt with the waves, collect shells, play on the playground, and so on.  No one has gotten too wet--yet.  Yesterday evening, we saw a couple of dolphins, which really got Eliot stoked.  He loves sea creatures, especially dolphins, sharks, seals, and rays.  We usually stay about an hour and a half before it is just too windy and the sun is setting.  Eliot is never ready to leave, and I'm really looking forward to it warming up when we can spend hours there, have a picnic, and play.  Not to mention in the summer when we can actually get in the water.

Eliot has been showing a BIG interest in potty training.  I'll probably write more on that later....  I wasn't planning to push it at all and figured we might wait until two and a half or even closer to three.  That might seem rather late to some, but I will have a newborn when he is two and a half, so I thought throwing potty training in the mix might be impossible.  However, he is asking to use the potty and trying to take his pants off....  I'm not sure that he understands how to control it yet, but this could be a good time to start talking about the potty and maybe try in a couple of months (or earlier?).  I'll see how it goes.  The thing is that when I saw that he was getting ready, I was really excited.  But now that I am facing it, I'm nervous and not looking forward to it because I just don't know how it is going to go.  One day at a time!  That's how these things always are.

Life isn't all play, though.  I just choose not to write about work (who wants to read about work?).  These little adventures don't come daily and are placed between early mornings, typing with one hand while Eliot holds my other, working while Eliot builds train tracks, and late nights.  I really love my job and can't believe that I have the chance to work from home while watching my little boy (soon to be boys!) grow up.  So few moms get to both have a career and be at home with their babies at the same time.  I love it.

This weekend, we're heading to northern Virginia to visit Chris's parents.  I think Eliot's first metro ride and trip to DC are in store if it isn't too cold on Saturday.  Natural History Museum, here we come!

The Transition from Co-sleeping

I have written before about why we decided to co-sleep and also our sleep battles in attempts to transition Eliot out of our bed.

Did I mention that we've been transitioning Eliot to his "big boy" bed again?

After a year and nine months of co-sleeping, we transitioned him to his toddler mattress on our floor, which went OK.  At the end of a week and a half, he would fall asleep in our bed, be moved over to his bed, and then we'd allow him back in our bed the second time he got up (the first time, I'd lay him back down).

After a little while, though, he got a terrible virus.  He had to sleep elevated, which meant I had to hold him all night.

And then we were getting closer to selling our home.  We were having at least a showing every other day (usually every day).  Do you know how hard it is to get a mattress BACK ON a toddler bed without messing up the bed skirt?  It's frustrating, especially when you're trying to keep the whole house clean for showings all the time.  Arranging his floor bed set-up was kind of complicated with floor mats, lots of pillows, blankets, and so on.  I knew when we moved, I'd have to do it all over again since we'd be in a new place, so we let him back in bed with us for a few months.

So, after we got settled into our new house, we bought Eliot a twin-sized mattress.  That thing is comfyyy!  I want to sleep on it all the time by myself!  We've been working on the transition for about two weeks (or three? I can't remember!), and it honestly is going a TON smoother than last time.

Before, there were tears.  A lot of tears.  And he would NOT go to sleep in his own mattress even if I lay with him.  He had to be in our bed to get to sleep at first, and he is a light sleeper, so moving him didn't always work.

Maybe last time he just wasn't quite ready.  Maybe he understand more now.  Maybe he likes his larger bed.  I don't know, but this is how we have been doing it.

We made a big deal about picking out the mattress and getting sheets.  Eliot doesn't have a favorite blanket or stuffed animal because I am his stuffed animal.  Seriously.  He cuddles my arm all night.  So, I tried to find something similar to stand in for me.  He has a crocodile from the aquarium....  That is kind of long like an arm.  Also, he loves cars, so he has a Lightening McQueen pillow.

When it is bedtime, I tell him to go night-night.  Sometimes he goes for the big boy bed; other times he tries to get in our bed, but I correct him and he lays down.  We cuddle like usual until he falls asleep.  He is a horrible sleeper and it takes forever for him to get in a deep sleep, so sometimes this takes 20 minutes and others more like an hour (or a dreaded two hours).  When he is asleep, I replace my arm with the crocodile.

If he stirs and starts calling for me, I ignore him until he gets up.  I used to lay with him, but I gradually distanced myself to the point where I just sit next to him to calm him down (and he nestles right back to sleep) or tell him from my bed that it is OK and to go back to sleep.  If he does this twice and actually gets up, I let him in our bed.  It is usually 3:00 am or later by then anyway, and I just can't keep getting up all night.

I am trying to be consistent and loving while also setting boundaries.  It is taking a little while, but he has slept until 8:30 am by himself and sometimes he starts calling for me but soothes himself back to sleep without my help.  Slowly making progress and no one is getting mad or crying all the time, and I think we're all happy. 

My hope is that through consistency, we can slowly move him into his own room.  I'm not stressing about kicking him out of our bedroom all the way before the baby comes.  I think he might be able to sleep through the newborn cries, and we'll figure it out when we get there.  I have found that when I am calm about a transition with Eliot, it goes a lot more smoothly than when I am putting pressure on the two of us and trying to meet a deadline.  I learned that one while trying to figure out breastfeeding in the hospital, and I have tried not to forget it.

To be honest, I really loved having Eliot in bed with us--and still do--so if I can just get him to come snuggle in the morning, I'm counting that as a big time win.

Ten Nights of the Mattress on the Floor: The Transition Away From Co-sleeping

I have written before about why we decided to co-sleep and also our sleep battles in attempts to transition Eliot out of our bed.

This is going to be very long and boring if you aren't interested in transitioning away from co-sleeping.  However, I have found many posts on other parents' and toddlers' transition to be helpful, encouraging, and insight.  So, here is our case study of sorts.

Eliot has always seemed like an easy baby to me, but sleep has been our biggest challenge.

To be honest, Chris, Eliot, and I all enjoyed sleeping in the same bed together.  When I would try to transition Eliot to his own bed, it was mostly because I felt pressure from other people and like people thought I was weird.  There are a lot of benefits to co-sleeping, and having Eliot so close helped when we were nursing and then later for both bonding and a sense of security--I was less worried about him in the middle of the night because he was right there.

I love love love having him with us, but I'd be lying if I said we weren't beginning to feel crowded in our queen-sized bed with him, two dogs, and occasionally a cat. Eliot, like most toddlers, is getting to the point that he tosses and turns throughout the night.  His kicks are strong!  Also, despite my instincts to smother him with nurturing love, I need to also encourage independence when he is ready.

I had planned to see if Eliot was ready to transition out of our bed at a year and a half.  Why a year and a half?  Simple.  He hated his crib, but was OK with his toddler bed (if he wasn't alone in it...), so I thought I'd wait until he was fully old enough for a toddler bed. Without going into too many details, I had tried transitioning Eliot into his bed in his own room numerous times without even a glimpse of success.  I knew we'd have to try something different.

This is what we did instead....  I came up with this idea that I would find a cheap, car toddler bed for our bedroom.  Eliot LOVES cars.  Surely, he would take to a car bed right away.  However, after a quick search online, I learned that car beds aren't just $40 or so like I thought.  Chris said it sounded like a good idea, but why not just put Eliot's crib (which is converted into a toddler bed now) in our room and see how that goes?  Easy enough.  Except for that his bed wouldn't fit through our doorway without taking it apart.  Instead, we just put the mattress in our room next to our bed and put mats and pillows around it in case he rolled off.

Before you worry about Eliot getting up in the middle of the night and hurting himself, our room is very safe for him.  The worst he could do is open some dresser drawers and pull our clothes out.  Also, I am a terribly light sleeper.  I knew I'd wake up before he got into trouble.

Night one.  I played with Eliot on the mattress some before bed.  He put his head down and we pretended to sleep.  I told him it was his "big boy bed".  At bedtime, I got him to sleep in our bed because I had some work to get done.  I wasn't sure how much of a fight this process would be, so I needed to finish my work first.  Around 11:30 pm, I gently placed him on his toddler mattress.  He didn't even wake up.  Usually, he'd always wake up when I tried putting him in his toddler bed.  He woke up at 1:30 am and stood at the end of the mattress.  He looked confused.  I picked him up, put him back down, and he fell asleep immediately.  He did the same thing at 4:43 am, but I figured he had done an amazing job so far and just brought him in bed with us.  Plus, I missed the little guy. 

Night two.  This time, I lay with Eliot on his mattress at bedtime.  He tried to get into our bed, but I held him close until he fell asleep, which took about fifteen minutes of cuddling.  Generally, he sleeps with his arms wrapped around my arm and I had noticed him reaching for something to hold the night before, so I put a sock monkey in his arms before I snuck out of his hold and got into my bed.  He got up at 2:09 am, but I was able to get him right back down again.  Early in the morning, he got up again.  This time, he didn't go down as easy, so I tried laying with him.  When I got back in my bed, he pointed to our bed and cried.  I was too tired to fight, honestly, so I brought him back into our bed.

Night three.  At this point, I was feeling so optimistic and pumped, but night three threw us a curve ball.  We had gone to a football game and Eliot fell asleep in the car.  I managed to get him inside and lay him on the couch.  He went right back to sleep.  I left him on the couch until 10:00 pm and took him upstairs to his bed.  He woke up, but I got him back to sleep.  Around 1:00 am, he got up (like usual).  This time, though, I couldn't get him back to sleep in his bed.  He was really upset, kept pointing to our bed, and tried to run out of our bedroom.  So, we just let him in our bed since it had been an unusual evening.  I had been feeling confident, like we had won, but, you know, I figured that this is a transition, so there was bound to be setbacks along the way.

Night four.  This night, I let Eliot fall asleep in our bed.  I did work until around 11:00 pm before moving him to his bed.  Eliot immediately woke up and would not stay asleep on his mattress.  I tried laying with him and getting up when I thought he was asleep (he jumped up right away); I tried sitting next to him and comforting him by rubbing his back (he jumped up as soon as I stopped).  I was going to keep fighting, but Chris told me to just bring him to bed.  I had stayed up decently late working and really should rest.  I was so frustrated.  It's like we were moving backwards!

Night five.  Chris had this idea that we should sleep downstairs on the sofabed and watch TV late.  Surely, Eliot would just fall asleep.  It didn't work that way.  Eliot kept crawling down to talk to our rabbit and chase the cat.  So, around 10:00 pm, we all went upstairs to bed.  Eliot fell asleep right away.  I moved him to his bed, and he slept just fine.  Around 2:11 am, Eliot woke up.  I put him back down.  He got back up.  I lay with him for 20 minutes; I thought he was asleep, but he jumped back up.  I tried one more time.  This time, he got up and lay his head on our mattress.  I was certain that he was going to fall asleep standing up.  Maybe I should have left him there, but I was too tired to deal with it.  I brought him in bed around 3:30 am.

Night six.  We stayed up late watching a movie, so Eliot fell asleep almost immediately about 10:00 pm.  Shortly after, I put him in his bed.  At the same time, Chris opened our bedroom door with the hall light on (!!!).  Eliot stirred some, muttered a baby version of "Whatever," and went back to sleep.  Phew.  He woke up in the early morning; I put him back down; he got back up; I let him come in bed.

Night seven.  Same as the other nights, Eliot fell asleep in our bed.  I put him in his bed....  He slept until the early hours of the morning and got in our bed.

Night eight.  Eliot fell asleep in our bed, was transitioned over, and slept until the early morning. 

Night nine.  I had a really horrible migraine, so I didn't bother trying to put Eliot in his bed.  I just wanted to sleep off the headache.  He seemed extra restless this night.  He has been getting his canines in, but I noticed the next day that another set of molars might be popping in too.

Our cat is not happy about the transition.  She has always been under the impression that the crib was HER bed.  Now she sleeps on a bath mat in the bathroom and steals his mattress for her many cat naps.

 Night ten.  Eliot fell asleep right away.  He had been teething really bad, so I gave him some Tylenol before bed.  I put him in his bed around 11:00 pm.  This time, he woke up some in the transition, so I lay with him for about ten minutes.  He slept until 4:00 am, which is the latest he has stayed in his bed without me putting him back down.  I did notice that he tossed and turned a bit, so I think (and hope) that he woke up a little and was able to get himself back to sleep.

In summary, at this point, Eliot falls asleep either in our bed or with me laying with him on the mattress.  He generally sleeps until the early hours of the morning.  I have decided to try putting him back down once, but I can't spend all night fighting it; I was growing too exhausted.  So, I try once and if he gets up again, he is allowed in our bed.

I'm hoping that eventually Eliot will sleep the whole night through without me needing to put him back down or pull him in our bed; however, if that doesn't happen for six months or longer, I am totally fine with that.  I remember climbing in my parents' bed frequently in the middle of the night.  They finally told me that I needed to start staying in my own bed when I was about seven.  This is a process.  I feel good about how we are doing this.  Whenever I let him cry, I just felt horrible about myself and we never got anywhere.  It works for some people (which is great and I totally respect people's decision to use that approach), but it's not for us at this point.

Part of the deal was to see how Eliot did for a week.  Then we'd get him a car bed.  While he has earned it, I'm not sure that a car bed would make much of a difference; he is doing fine how he is.  However, he does need a quilt or comforter.  I never bought him one for his crib (just a few baby blankets) because he never needed one! 

I know what it is like to be afraid in the night.  I remember being in my bed when I was six and wanting to scream for my mom, but I was afraid if I called "mommy" that mummies would think I was saying "mummy," and they'd come get me.  I was always scared when alone at night growing up, even in high school.  Heck, when I came home from college, I would try to go to sleep as fast as I could because I felt someone staring at me.  I know this all sounds silly, but I hope that I can help Eliot feel supported (not coddled) so that he will confidently take steps toward independence.

Honestly, I sleep better with him in our bed than with him on the floor.  I spend a lot of time leaning over and watching him in the dark.  I do miss him, so maybe I am weaning myself too.  This is such a big step for us that I am completely happy where we are for now.

Hollins Mill and a Sleeping Plan

We went to Hollins Mill today!  We were going to go to a park, but Eliot loves to run around and hit things with sticks so much that we figured an open area to play would be even better.

This little boy loves his dad lately.  Everything Christopher does is better, more interesting, and much more fun than anything I can pull off.  I'm there for comfort and food only.  That's fine.  I love seeing my boys enjoying each other.

See what I mean?  "No time for kisses, Mom.  I have a stick and I want to hit something with it."

Or play in the dirt.

Eliot was mesmerized by the water.  Me too!  There is something hypnotizing about it.  And Eliot still had that stick with him.

As he grew tired and less adventuresome, he came to me to ask to be held.

It felt great to get outside, watch Eliot run around, and take photos.  I really enjoy the portability of the camera on my iphone and being able to use Instagram, but I am finding that I take less "real" photos.  This is something I have been trying to avoid.  So, it was great to get some nice shots of us.

In regards to my previous post about sleep, I have developed a plan to "wean" Eliot over to his crib.  I am honestly in no hurry to get him out of our bed.  We're all happy together.  And I let my dogs sleep in my bed, so why would I not let my son?  Anyway, I'll give this plan a try, and if it doesn't work, I'll wait a few months and try again.

Week one:  Eliot and I will have some play and rest time in the crib every day.   We'll read in his crib, play with toys, and point out the animals on his sheets.  This will hopefully help loosen any negative associations with the crib.

Week two:  We will continue play and rest time in the crib.  In addition to this, I will lay with him in his bed while he naps and also some until he falls asleep at night.  I've tried this before and he wakes up 10 minutes after I leave.  If he wakes up, I'll try to soothe him to sleep.

Week three:  When it is nap or bedtime, I will try to soothe him to sleep and sit by his bed.

It won't be easy.  It will actually be exhausting.  But, I suppose it is worth a shot to try to be more consistent and persistent.

And He Fell Out of the Crib

We have been happily co-sleeping with Eliot since he was born (which I have written about before) since he would wake up to breastfeed every hour and a half through six months.  People have been suggesting since the beginning that we just needed to let him cry it out in his crib, but it didn't seem right at the time.  While mildly inconvenient at times, I have loved co-sleeping with Eliot.  And as long as the three of us were resting well and happy, it wasn't really a problem, right?  Those mornings when I wake up to my sleeping husband and son are some of the sweetest memories I have with Eliot.

Eliot's napping has been a little difficult lately.  He is probably transitioning to one nap (opposed to two), but it is frustrating when he looks exhausted with all the right signs (his usual nap time, rubbing his eyes, yawning, laying on the ground cuddled up with a pillow) but he won't sleeeep.  So, yesterday afternoon, we put him in his crib and let him cry for thirty minutes.  It didn't go over well.

Last night, I thought we'd give it another try.  I gave him his night-time milk in his crib, took the bottle when he was finished, gave him a paci, and shut the door.  After five minutes of screaming, he heard the thump.  And then thump-thump-thump.  He fell out of the crib.  We scooped him up laughing and he continued to scream until we were both holding him at the same time.

I have tried getting him used to his crib by seeing it as a "safe" place.  I play with him in it.  He pets the cat in it.

I'm probably doing this wrong because I'm not entirely committed to letting him cry it out.  And it is something I should do after thinking all of the details through, not just out of frustration like I did for his afternoon nap.

Here's the thing with sleep.  It's not black and white.  We don't all sleep the same way.  When I was young, I hated to sleep alone.  I used to share a bed with my sister for a long time.  I remember her bedtime being extended to 8:30 pm and being mortified.  It wasn't that I wanted to stay up longer, but I didn't want to go to bed alone.  When I grew older and slept in my own bed, I would lay awake at night, my eyes darting around.  Even when I came home from college on weekends, I'd feel uncomfortable in my bed at home, like someone was staring at me.  My parents' house is creep-y.

Whether or not Eliot's fear (or frustration or dislike or whatever you want to call it) of being alone in his crib is founded, it is real to him.  I understand how he feels.  And while Eliot should confront his fears and be independent, I don't want him to feel hopeless, helpless, and alone. When children feel supported, they are more confident to step out on their own.

So, I'm not saying cry it out is inherently wrong.  I'm not even saying that we won't try it with Eliot at some point.  Eliot will sleep in his bed when he is ready.  Now just isn't that time.

The Big Week Update

I have been mostly absent the past few days.  Usually, little time to blog means that I'm actually doing something worth blogging about whereas lots of blogging typically means I'm bored.  This time around, though, I've been rather sick.  I guess I caught what Chris had in the end.

At the same time, Eliot decided to transition his naps.  He had been so consistent for so long, but now he seems to take just one nap a day for less than an hour when before he'd nap twice a day for an hour or two.  That's fine.  We're just trying to figure out how to juggle it all.  He has been going to bed at a more baby-reasonable time.  Something like 8:30 pm instead of 10:00 pm--although, tonight was 9:20 pm.  This makes co-sleeping kind of difficult, but I'm still working on introducing him to the toddler bed.

I got most of Eliot's spring and summer clothes together.  I had bought a few shirts on sale for his Christmas and birthday presents, so after picking up two outfits from Kohl's the other evening, I think I just need to get him a couple of pairs of shorts and a pair of shortalls (overalls that are shorts?  this is such a weird term).  That's kind of exciting, but always a little sad.  I love dressing Eliot, and I feel kind of bummed when we have gotten what we need for a season.  I like shopping too much.

In other, actually interesting news (maybe), Chris and I took Eliot to the park today since I was feeling a bit better.  He ran all around and enjoyed picking up sticks.  He would rather play in the dirt than on a swingset, which is fine by me, but I prefer him not to eat dirt.  Eliot had his first dirt-eating experience the other day while helping Chris with some yardwork.  Instead of stopping him, I laughed and took a picture.  Does that make me a bad mom?

This month, our Neko-cat turns three years old!  I have never celebrated an animal's birthday as much as I do with Neko each year.  Every year, my heart swells with happiness and thankfulness--another year with our kitty.  We adopted Neko from the humane society and she unfortunately came to us with feline leukemia virus.  Despite the confusing name, FeLV is an autoimmune disease, not cancer, and the percentage of survivors begins dropping off after two years.  Actually, kitties with feline AIDS have a better survival rate.  So, every time Neko gets the sniffles, I freak out.  Our kitty has been coughing for a while.  It sounds like a hairball, yet nothing ever comes of it.  Chris took her to the vet the other day, and the doctor said we could do an x-ray, but opted for antibiotics first.  So, let us hope that the antibiotics help and it isn't like a tumor or something.  Other than that, she has been her sweet yet frisky self.  The doctor was well pleased with her health-wise--great coat, everything sounded good inside, and she is on the plump side, which is good for FeLV kitties.  I have never known such a sweet, affectionate cat!  Eliot loves her and she lets him do anything to her.

So This is the New Year

I hope that everyone had a great New Year with thoughtful reflection on how to make this next year even better.

We had a low-key New Year's Eve, which is exactly how I like it.  We went to visit the horses, then had lunch, Chris went to work, Eliot took a very long nap, and I had dinner mostly ready when Chris came home.  After dinner, we played with Eliot and he wore himself out by crawling around the kitchen island, playing hide and seek, and climbing up the stairs.  Eliot and I called it a night early while Chris did work on his laptop in bed.  He woke me up at midnight for a New Year's kiss and told me how much he loved me and our babe.  Perfect.

On New Year's Day, we lounged around some while Eliot ate breakfast.  He is a slow eater, but that's really how we should eat and it gives us some extra time to relax.  After some playtime, Eliot took a nap and we headed to Target for some simple things:  formula (the last box!), bottle liners, a new sippy cup, and a few small things.

Oh, and then in the evening, Eliot did something hilarious.  He reached in our attempts of a childproof drawer where we were keeping our Christmas money until we deposit it.  He pulled out all of the money and gave it to the cat.  Haha!  When he was done, he put it all back in the drawer.  It was hilarious.  The extra funny thing is that we were hoping to take a photo of Neko with all the money like that cats with money tumblr.

We've been trying some new, challenging things with Eliot.  Most simply, we're working with him eating with a spoon.  He really understood right away, but found using his hands a little easier.  Ha!  He's doing great, though, and getting there.

Also, I converted his crib to a toddler bed.  OK, before you freak out and say he is too young, yeah, I know he probably is.  And I'm not just throwing him in there yet.  See, he doesn't use his crib.  At all.  Ever.  He cries when he sees it.  He was fine with being left in it until we tried letting him cry it out.  I'm sure cry it out works for some kids, maybe even a lot of kids, but it doesn't work for Eliot.  I tried multiple times.  I never felt comfortable with it and we absolutely love having him in bed with us, so co-sleeping has worked great.  It would be nice, though, if he would nap in his bed so I can get other (non-computer-based) things done.

 Right now, I'm trying to get him used to the toddler bed itself.  We lay in it together.  We sit in it.  We play in it.  We point out the animals on his sheet.  He's not afraid of it, but he doesn't see it as his "safe place" yet.  I need to get him to accept it as a good, safe place to be before he will consider sleeping in it, so I converted it early since we're not even using it as a crib to get him used to it.  I ordered a guard rail and a video monitor to keep him safe and am hoping that maybe I can get him to just nap in it soon.  I'll see if he is interested in sleeping alone during the night at 18 months.  If so, awesome.  If not, we'll wait until he is ready.

Love, which in spite of darkness brought us hither,/Should in despite of light keep us together.

'Tis true, 'tis day ; what though it be?
O, wilt thou therefore rise from me?
Why should we rise because 'tis light?
Did we lie down because 'twas night?
Love, which in spite of darkness brought us hither,
Should in despite of light keep us together.-John Donne. "Break of Day."  ll. 1-6.

Every morning, I wake up before Christopher and Eliot.  The sun is barely coming up and I get to compare the facial features of my sleeping husband and son in the growing golden morning light.  We are "still" co-sleeping with Eliot.  While I have tried a few times to put him in his crib, he won't have it, and I have not tried too terribly hard to keep him there.  I like him in bed with us.  And I think he does too.

Eliot is the biggest cuddler.  We decided that he isn't a cuddle "bug" or anything simple, but instead a cuddle monster.  He demands the cuddles and I love obliging.  Sometimes people ask when we're going to put him in his crib for good.  They say the longer we wait, the more difficult it will be.  And maybe that's true.  Maybe it's not.  But, last night I found this overwhelming realization that he really is more of a boy than a baby these days.  For some reason when he was falling asleep downstairs, I cradled him like a baby and rocked him.  And it felt ridiculous because he is so grown now.  He is half my height.  However, he still wants to be with us, and I'll take it.  I'll take any chance I can to be close with him.  So, as Eliot was sleeping between Chris and me, and we had stayed up talking about metaphysics, I held Eliot close and kissed his fuzzy head.  Chris touched Eliot's cheeks and told him how beautiful he was.  And it's times like this (and waking this morning to seeing him sleep) that make getting kicked in the night so worth it.

I cannot wrap my mind around the passage of time.  I cannot accept that my boy will be a year old in a month and a half.  I can't believe that I'll be typing up another monthly letter to him in two weeks.  I can't understand that eleven months will be so similar to now.  As you can see, Chris and I keep saying to ourselves, "Remember this time last year?  You were pregnant!"  Come January 14th, our yearly measurements and anniversary reflections will include Eliot being here with us.  I love to see him grow and he keeps becoming more fun, but I wish time could slow down and he'd be my baby a bit longer.  Maybe not forever, but longer.  At least his near-bald head keeps him looking like more of a baby these days.

We took some more photos of Eliot by the tree last night.  I knew we could get a bigger smile out of him.  Check out those teeth!

Dreaded Haircuts and a Well-rested Baby

The leaves on our cherry tree began falling about a week ago.  I thought it was a bit premature.  Now, it seems that over a third of the leaves are bright yellow.  I had better start taking fall photographs soon if I don't want to miss the leaves.  I hate to see fall come because I dread seeing the trees bare for so, so long in the winter.

Lots of rain and overcast skies in the forecast this week....  No matter!  We're going to Woodbridge this weekend anyway.

I finally got my hair cut yesterday.  It had seriously been a year.  I got it cut last shortly before Christopher's birthday and, well, his birthday is just five days away.  I hate haircuts because you never know if you and the haircutter have the same definition of an inch and a half.  This lady and I did, but she totally didn't understand what I meant by side bangs or the length I asked for.  Ah, well, nothing to rant about.  It came out all right, and I think my bangs will look better in about a month.  Until then, I'll be trying my hardest to make them look longer.

 

Is it weird that I feel strange posting a photo of just myself?  Photos of just me (and no baby) are rare these days, which is fine.  I like Eliot in my pictures, but, man, this is leaving me feeling all sorts of self-absorbed.  Anyway...  Eliot had re-introduced me to the amazing time-saver that is bathing at night instead of in the morning.  Plus, if I bathe at night, I can do "no heat curls," which works out way better than my curling iron can ever pull off.  It's like a couple of years ago, my hair decided to stop curling.  I don't really get why, but this works!

I put Eliot in his pajamas way earlier than I should have yesterday evening because I was all too excited to see him in footie pajamas.  So cute!  Eliot-baby spent from 6:00 pm til about 10:00 pm roaming the house in his sleeper.  He did "nap" for about 30 minutes around 8:00 pm.

Then I realized this morning that something amazing had happened.  Eliot slept through the whole night without waking up once!  Not one time did I have to make him a bottle.  Not once did I have to put his paci back in his mouth.  He slept the entire night--and I think I came close to it as well.  I'm hoping this is a trend, but I'm not counting on it.  See, I got Eliot to drink four ounces right before bed.  Usually he won't do that.  Maybe I can do some convincing.  And maybe I can move him into his crib....

Sleep Battles

It is 11:30 pm.  Eliot is asleep in his crib.  Can you believe it?

Everything with Eliot has always come easily.  All those things that are supposed to be hard with newborns just weren't with him.  Except for sleeping.  Sleep has always been a battle.  When we were nursing, Eliot would wake up about every hour and a half.  So, between me taking forever to fall back asleep and actually feeding him when he got up, I more or less slept for forty-five minutes at a time.  It was rough.  I had to co-sleep.  I had to.  I couldn't handle not co-sleeping.  And he wouldn't nap consistently during the day, just "cat naps" during which I usually held him.  We started giving him a bottle of formula before bed when he reached four and a half months.  I was going crazy without sleep.  It didn't help.

What did help, though, was finally weaning him at six and half months and also adding solids.  Additionally, I think the fact that he spends almost all day crawling around and pulling up on things helps to wear him out.  Now he gets up at 2:00 am for a bottle and also 7:30 am.  Sometimes he is up for the day then; sometimes he sleeps in until 9:00 am or--if we're really lucky--10:00 am.  Then he takes a thirty-minute nap two hours after waking, an afternoon nap, and sometimes an hour to two hour nap in the evening.  I guess he isn't technically sleeping through the night, but it is manageable.  I can handle that.

However, Eliot still prefers to co-sleep.  What baby wouldn't, I guess?  Some people I know suggest letting him "cry it out," but that doesn't seem to work for us.  It works wonders with others, and I think that is awesome.  I'm really happy for people who can get on a schedule.  But I didn't feel right about it all the way.  Something just didn't seem right for us in our situation.  My instincts told me that it didn't seem right for us individually, like it was not right for Eliot.  But I tried it a few times anyway.

I don't think it can work for Eliot.  He doesn't go to sleep; he just stands in his crib screaming and coughing.  When I cave, he continues to wail and then hyperventilates for a while.  I don't think this is what they had in mind when they say "cry it out".  I think it is one thing to let your baby whine and cry a little, maybe escalate some, but Eliot sounded horrible.  He grew hoarse.  And I did try to stick with it.  The closest thing we got to "success" was him crying for twenty minutes, falling asleep for ten (and this was the only time he fell asleep), and then crying for another twenty.  I finally got him, and could not calm him down for the longest time.  If I go in and try to calm him down, he just gets more worked up.

It took Eliot longer to sleep closer to normal than many other babies.  I think that is a big part of why "cry it out" doesn't seem compatible with him.  Maybe it would work if I kept trying and was super dedicated.  I'm not saying it is wrong, but the way it has been with Eliot just isn't right for us.  I don't want to push him that far because it seems to stress him out abnormally.

Instead, I'm trying a different approach.  I let him fall asleep in our bed.  I remember my mom laying down with me when I was younger to help me fall asleep.  What's the difference?  Or rocking a baby to sleep in a rocking chair.  Then I put him in his crib.  Sometimes he wakes up and is like, "No way."  More often, though, he wakes up a little and goes back to sleep.  He doesn't sleep as long in his crib than if we were co-sleeping.  This transition may take a little while, but I'd rather do it this way than to let him cry.  I think he takes more comfort in being close to Chris and me.  But, to be honest, I like co-sleeping.  I like know he is there.  And Eliot cuddles more than I ever thought a baby would.  He wraps his arm around my neck and nuzzles my cheek with his nose.  He'll choose which one of us he wants to cuddle with (Chris or me) and holds on tight.  He's just precious.

Co-sleeping makes so much sense to me.  I think I have resisted it some just because of what others might think or say.  I have read over articles pointing out the connection established through co-sleeping, how the mother and baby fall into the same rhythm.  It seems natural and in many cultures the family sleeps together.  I know so many husbands and wives who say they have trouble sleeping without their spouse.  I remember when Chelse and I slept together as kids.  Then her bedtime got a thirty-minute extension and I was distraught.  Why would a baby be any different.  There have been many times when I know that I can get Eliot into his crib, but I don't because I just don't want to.  And there have been many times when Chris has said the same thing.  It's a sweet bonding time.  If we're all happy and it works, why change it?  I'll keep working with Eliot and his crib, and perhaps get him used to laying in there until he wakes up the first time, but I'm in no super hurry to get him out of our bed all together.

From my understanding, people who are against co-sleeping and other attachment parenting techniques worry about the independence of the child.  Eliot, though, is extremely independent.  He goes exploring all day without me.  Sometimes he whines when I leave the room and sometimes he comes looking for me, but more often than not he is off doing his own thing.  And when he does come looking for me, he usually just wants a bottle.  Some people believe that when children feel secure and confident in their parents, that alleviates some worries about being able to step out on their own.  I think this might be the case with Eliot in some ways.

In the end, Eliot isn't your typical sleeper.  He never has been.  He probably gets it from me because, as my mom always points out, I never slept through the night.  And I still don't--baby aside.  I lay awake staring at the ceiling and wondering why I'm not cleaning so often throughout the night.  Sorry for the sleepless gene, Eliot!  Bedtime is a challenge for many parents. And with Eliot, maybe we'll just have to keep trying new things.  And maybe "cry it out" can work for him someday as it does for many others, but tonight we'll be doing something else.