Watching the Trees in Three Seasons At Once

It feels like we are all over the place with seasons here in Virginia.  One day it feels like winter, then fall, and then we're at the beach wishing we had our suits.  It was that warm today.  And though it gives me headaches sometimes, I am so thankful for the sunshine, warmth, and sand on my feet.

I haven't been uploading many photos lately, but this isn't necessarily because I haven't been taking them.  No, instead I had some issues with the software on my computer, so I'm trying to catch up.  Also, knowing that I couldn't edit photos kind of put a damper on my photo-taking mood.

I am taking more photos again, though, enjoying life and trying to capture every detail.  Here is Eliot drawing waves in the sand.  I love how observant he is.  I love how he finds the tiniest whole shell and gives it to me to keep safe in my pocket.  I put it away, worrying that it will be lost in my pockets, but reflecting on his trust and confidence that mommies can protect all things.

These nights, I have been having a bit of a rough time with Jack.  I am unsure of what to do with him....  He wakes frequently and wants to nurse to go back to sleep.  By "frequently," I mean as often as every thirty minutes, and never sleeping more than every two hours.  I've tried putting him in his crib, letting him co-sleep a little, keeping him in the portacrib, and everything in between.  There are some nights that I sleep with him on the couch in the den because he is just waking everyone else up.  I honestly think he is hungry in the night (or just using me as a paci).  I try feeding him food (he rejects it) and also giving him a bottle.  He still won't drink out of a bottle....  And that worries me.  There isn't much to do other than to keep trying.  We give him a bottle at least once a day and try various bottles and nipples.  He'll get it eventually, I'm sure.  He doesn't like pacis either, so the bottle is similar, I guess.  Other than nighttime, he is usually pretty happy, so I don't think he is going around hungry all day or anything.  It's hard, but it is just a season.  We'll be moving into the next before I know it.

I spent a good amount of time today looking up at the sky and swaying trees with my boys.  I set out a blanket on the grass in the backyard and I tried to just be with them--to just be in this moment when Jack is five months old and amazed by the sky and when Eliot is almost three and wants to throw leaves in the air (and coax his brother into eating leaves too).  It is these quiet moments with my boys that I cherish more than anything.

On Mothering Two

I'm no expert on mothering two babies at this point, but I have been at it for about four and a half months now.  When I was pregnant with Jack, I was taken back by the number of negative comments I received, especially when people heard I was having a second boy.  Another boy? Oh, well, maybe next time.  Maybe next time what?!  Two boys?  You're really in for it.  Yes, in awesomeness.  You're really going to have your hands full--more than you realize.  Talk about doom and gloom...  Complete strangers would say these things, and some of those people worked in my OB office.  Goodness!  As if I weren't nervous enough about handling two without emotionally damaging them.

However, it has been four and a half months, and all is going just fine!

Some nights, Christopher and I will sit on different couches.  One of us holds, loves on, and tickles one son while the other plays with the other.  Life sure is different with kids, especially with two, and our hands are full, yet I never feel sad on these nights.  Instead, I feel so thankful.  I'm thankful for both of our boys and that my husband so freely loves on them with me.  We might be sitting across the room from one another, but I certainly do not feel distant from him.

Maybe we just got lucky with Eliot and Jack since there don't seem to be any jealousy issues.  I know I might still "have it coming" later when Jack is able to knock down Eliot's block towers (and we'll deal with that when we get there), yet Eliot just adores Jack.  And Jack seems so intrigued by Eliot.  Every night, Eliot brings out a blanket, throws two pillows on the floor, and sets up a little snugglefest for himself and Jack.  It's so cute.  And it takes everything in me to stop myself from saying, "Stopppp pulling Jack!  Don't put so much blanket on himmm!"  Because Jack.just.loves.it.  He smiles so big and laughs on and on.

 

I do worry about balancing the two in the right way.  Jack relies on me for so much more than Eliot, so I have to juggle who gets their needs met first.  There are times when I nurse Jack and tell Eliot that he will have to wait.  When Eliot started asking, "You have to feed Jack first?" after making most requests, I felt guilty at first.  He must feel like he never comes first.  He must feel unimportant....  Then I realized no, that isn't necessarily the case.  He is realizing that sometimes he has to wait because his "wants" and minor "needs" aren't always the first priority.  He accepts that and has never thrown a fit over having to wait for Jack to eat.  He is learning to be patient.  And then there are times when I allow Jack to grumble or fuss for a little bit longer than I want to because I'm getting something for Eliot.  I might be getting snack for Eliot while Jack wants to be re-positioned, but Jack can wait just a moment.

I might have a lot to do between the two--twice the diapers, twice the feedings, twice the laundry--but they often entertain each other and give me a break.  Jack is so incredibly fascinated by Eliot.  He watches his every move.  And Eliot loves to sit on the floor and talk to Jack.  Before Jack came along, it would be hard to find a distraction for Eliot if I needed to tidy up or something, but now I just tell Eliot to talk to Jack.  Everyone is happy.

The sweetest thing of all, I think, is stepping back and watching Eliot try to take care of Jack.  When Jack cries, Eliot assures him that it is OK and sings "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star".  Eliot brings him blankets when he thinks Jack is cold.  Eliot tries to help me give Jack a bath.  It's not always easy.  It is sometimes hard.  But isn't everything worth having just a little hard sometimes?  I have loved having one boy for two and a half years before Jack came, but, you know what? I love having two boys even more.

When I was pregnant, I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to do it with two.  I tend to ignore negativity when it comes my way, yet with this, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe they would be right.  Two boys at two very different places could be so rough.  And life with a newborn?  It's hard, right?  But you choose what you focus on.  I can't even remember what it was like without Jack--and I don't want to necessarily.  I love these two boys together.  They'll have ups and downs, but if now is any indication of the future, they're going to be best friends.  I can't wait to watch them grow together.

Two Boys

I took these photos of Eliot when he was seven months old.

Here as I am entering the third trimester, it is funny to think that I really believed throughout the first trimester (and then some) that we were having a girl.  All of my pregnancy symptoms pointed to "girl," so I bought into it.  But now that I have known for ten weeks (it's only been ten weeks since the ultrasound?!) that we are definitely having a boy, well, I can't imagine it any other way.  At this point, adding a girl to our family this summer would seem so odd.  Jack will fit perfectly into our family.  And I can't wait.

When we are playing outside with Eliot, I think to myself, "I can't wait for Jack to be here.  I can't wait to have TWO boys."

I was trying to figure out dinner in the kitchen while Chris watched Eliot outside from the deck.  I heard this adorable exchange.  "Eliot," Chris instructed, "Put those rocks back.  Put ALL OF THOSE ROCKS back!"  Eliot's reply?  "A bug!"  I laughed at my boy excitedly finding bugs underneath our decorative river stones in the garden.  When we add another son to the mix, there will be even more bugs, rocks, dirt, and messes--I love it.

I think having two boys fits me rather well.  I'm not very girly.  The last time I painted my nails was for my wedding.  I don't even own nail polish (and didn't back then for my wedding either).  Growing up, I thought princesses were pretty awesome, but I was more likely to be found climbing a tree, trying to learn guitar, or wishing I could skateboard and surf.  And though I was never into sports, I like Eliot enjoying sports and playing football outside because it is something he likes.  When I thought of having a girl, I grew a little nervous.  I would much rather play with dinosaurs and cars than Barbies.

I wonder about the dynamics of our two sons.  Eliot is sensitive, creative (drawing, music, taking pictures...), assertive, independent, loves the outdoors and sports, cares deeply about animals, and loves to read.  I wonder if Jack will be similar or if he will be all sports or all creativity.  I wonder if he will be independent too or more of a follower since he has an older brother.  I dream of how they will fit together and how they will conflict with one another (because I know that is inevitable).  As a younger sibling, I wanted to be just like my older sister, but the truth was that we are entirely different people.  I can't be like her because I'm not like her.  We were born with completely separate personalities, and I think that is so interesting--how two children of the same gender can come from one set of parents and end up so different.

Jack will likely be our last babe.  I warned Chris, though, that I might really be feeling a baby itch when I hit 30, so I'm not saying this is it for sure--and sometimes you can't control how many kids you have anyway.  If we do have a third, of course I would be overjoyed to have a girl and would also be so thankful to have a third boy.  At this point, though, having two fits our plans, the size of our home, our finances, and our goals.

Eliot hugs and kisses my belly while saying that he "love[s] Baby Jack."  He touches my belly and giggles at Jack's kicks.  He says he wants to "hold Back Jack."  I love that Eliot and Jack will have each other, even if (and when...) they don't always get along.