Toddler Tantrums: Worst Parent Ever?

Eliot is such a sweet, kind, caring boy.  He loves to give affection.  I never thought he'd have meltdowns.  Lately, though, I feel like I can't take him anywhere.  His behavior hasn't been this atrocious since he got his first year molars in.  Hmm...

It starts off well.  Today we went to the mall.  I haven't bought myself shoes in a year.  It is growing more difficult for me to tie my shoes, so I thought I'd get myself some new slip-on Vans.  I have one pair of Toms that I usually wear, but they are too tight.  Eliot was a doll in the store.  He loves riding the escalator.  He walked and held our hands in the mall.  He also HAD to hold the keys, but that's OK.

Then we were feeling a little hungry, so we got lunch.  Eliot was curious about the food and played with his lunch with a fork, but didn't eat.  First sign of trouble...  Afterward, we went to the play area to let him run around.  He was having so much fun, but when he seemed to be fine with leaving, we left.  As soon as we stepped out of the play area, we ran into sign of trouble number two:  those darn cars that you ride for a quarter.  I wasn't going to start with that--it was crowded, I didn't have any change, and I knew he would never be happy about leaving.  He got in one, pressed a couple of buttons, and then we left.  He screamed, but I thought we'd be all right if we got away.

Chris took Eliot to Barnes and Noble to look at books.  Eliot loved the books and wanted them all.  We hadn't bought him a book in a while, so we picked out a couple.  One on cars, one for the alphabet (I've been trying to work more on letters), and a Dinosaur Train coloring book.  Chris went to pay while I kept reading him books.  More trouble when it was time to leave....  He wanted all of the books and didn't want to pay for them.  I got down to his level and looked him in the eye.  I try to give him the words:  "Eliot, you're angry because you like books.  You want to keep the books.  I like you liking books, but Daddy bought you three books.  You just can't have these books right here, but we bought you three nice books that you can look at out there."  I know you can't negotiate with meltdown-ers, but I find sometimes that engaging with him calms him down and maybe giving him the words can help him recognize the emotions he's feeling.

It didn't work this time.  He cried and carried on.  We carried him to the car; we let him walk to the car; we let him CARRY A BOOK to the car.  When I thought we had calmed him down, he wanted to sit on the escalator, which couldn't happen and it all started again.  Everything helped for a second, but then he'd be a wailing ball of tears and attracting everyone's glares all around us.  Yep, that's my kid.  Yep, I'm the worst parent ever.

We made it to the car.  I gave him a snack.  He refused to eat it.  Not even three minutes later, he was eating his snack.  He was hungry....  While it wasn't nap time yet, I am noticing that he has these meltdowns if we are out within a couple hours of nap time.  And it is usually around lunch time (and I do offer him food, but he won't accept it....).

We got home.  It was another fight getting him inside.  He thinks he can drive the car and tries to get in every time we get home.  Instead, I sack-of-potatoes carry him inside.  He cries more.  Chris puts him in time out to calm down while I make a smoothie for him and myself.  He demands mine; I say they are the same; he doesn't believe me.  I let him try mine and then he concludes (as I said) that he'd prefer his own.  Chris reads a book to him....  Eliot chases the dogs around and I take him to bed for a nap even though he says he isn't tired.  It is now 2:30 pm at this point--two hours straight of meltdown after meltdown.

It's like over night, he has been having some fits at home too.  We thought it'd be fun to go for a walk.  He loves running.  We were having a great time, but every time we'd pass a house with a basketball goal, he thought he could go play with it.  Not only are these not our basketball goals, but he didn't have a ball and is too small anyway.  We tried to keep going, but he'd just keep screaming for the basketball goal even when we told him he could play with his at home.  Eventually, we had to carry him home in tears.  And then there's the garage....  Currently, our shed needs work, so our garage has a lot of not-baby-friendly items.  And it also has a bag of sports balls.  Eliot unlocks the garage door and goes in there to get every single ball.  When we tell him to come back inside (it is cold out there, too!), he just loses it and cries at the door.  Man!  He just can't be out there all the time!  And there's the car thing--he gets the keys, unlocks the front door, and says, "Bye bye, Ma.  Car ride."  When I tell him he can play with the keys, but he is NOT going to drive my car, he loses it.  I'm sorry, but that just isn't up for negotiation.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy by not leaving the house and then I feel like we can't leave the house either because of his fits.

Eliot threw his first tantrum in the grocery store over a tomato (which he thought was a ball) when he was a year and a half-ish.  So, I've been dealing with these fits for about nine months?  I still feel embarrassed when it happens in public.  Everyone stares....  I try to keep in mind that most of those people have been in the same place, so they probably aren't judging me.  Some people smile with sympathy.  And whenever I see a kid acting up, I always feel bad for the parent's awkward position. 

I feel like Chris and I are pretty giving parents.  We try to do fun things, provide Eliot with the best, and make sacrifices for his well-being.  I know he doesn't understand, but I feel so frustrated when we try to do something fun (like go for a walk or buy books) and Eliot has tantrums over things I can't control.  I always put him and his needs firsts.  Why does he hateeee me?

He knows what he wants and loves to explore.  He wants to try everything.  He's independent and won't take my word on things--he has to know from his experience for sure.  And when I tell him that he can't, he doesn't understand why.  I guess we need to do more time outs and give him a place to cool down.  Of course, I feel guilty like I'm the one to blame, like I haven't disciplined him enough or I'm not reacting to his tantrums the right way.  I usually try to remove him from the situation and ignore him or I try to get on his level to give him the words.  Sometimes distracting him helps.  I'm just thankful that he isn't hitting, kicking, or biting (yet?).  Does this ever end?  Because I feel like it is getting worse....

Dear Eliot: Fourteen Months

Dear Eliot,

Today you are fourteen months old! This second year with you seems to be going by even more quickly than the first. I try to hold on to every day, phase, and moment with you. It is easy to become lost in our day-to-day routines; I forget where we are in the month and week sometime, but I love all of our time together.

This month, you experienced some extremes in weather. You had your first real snow and then we enjoyed some beautiful spring temperatures. This winter has been so mild that I thought we might make it through without a snow, but I was hoping that maybe you could have just one good snow. Well, it happened! I read some places that we got up to eight inches, but it seemed more like four to six. Something like that. You didn't like the cold snow at first until we made snowballs for you. Then you thought it was awesome and also liked helping your dad with the snow shovel.

Just a few days later, the weather turned warm again and we have continued to enjoy our tri-weekly bike rides, walks, and almost daily trips to the park. You are so funny at the park. You just want to gather sticks, run around, and watch people play basketball. One day at the park, you sadly lost one of your shoes. I don't mean that it simply fell off and we couldn't find it, but you kicked it off of a bridge and into the creek! We tried to get it, but it floated away. It was your first pair of good sneakers and your first Chucks. At least we still have the other one and a new pair is coming in the mail.

You are definitely an expert walker (and runner) now. You don't even do "T-Rex" arms anymore--you completely have your balance. You do fancy foot work too, such as walking backwards and you think it is funny to walk on your tippy toes and heels.  You've also started to climb things more too. You climb up on the chair, on the couch, and on your toys. Fortunately, you know how to get down too. You can even get off of our bed without any help (but I always watch you). I can't believe how strong  you are.  You move the rabbit's cage just for fun.  Your dad has some weights out that he uses and you can lift the five pound weight.  That always worries me a bit.

Your vocabulary is slowly growing as well.  You say mom, dad, dog, good dog, cat, kitty, duck, ball, that, and baba.  The cutest of all, though, is that you say "aw" while petting the animals.  You are such a big animal-lover!  About a week ago, we went to a store with stuffed animals by the cash register.  I told you that I'd buy you one if you could correctly identify an animal.  You pointed to a big, yellow duck, saying, "Duck!  Duck!"  You hadn't really said duck before (just "quack, quack"), so I was very surprised.  Needless to say, you got the duck.

Cognitively, you are developing too.  You love to play with and organize shapes.  You like to pull all of your blocks out and clean them up again.  You place circle and square blocks into their correct holes.  Sometimes I show you a few blocks with pictures of animals on them and ask you where a certain animal is.  We have been going over elephant, dog, cat, and cow.  Most of the time, you get it right and choose the right block.  We are working on your creative side as well.  You love to color with crayons and when we hold you up to write with chalk on the kitchen chalk board.  This summer, I am sure you will be coloring the sidewalks with chalk.  I love watching you explore and create.

It is also interesting to see you make connections.  You generally make the right animal noises for many of your toys, including dinosaurs, monkeys, cows, ducks, lions, tigers, and sheep--and I'm sure there is more that I am forgetting.  Also, you understand what things are "used" for.  You take our keys to the front door and reach for the door knob with them.  You point the remote control at the TV.  You try to "fix" things with your screw driver.  When your dad lifts weights, you mimic him with the same motion with your toys.  You pretend to talk on the phone.  You think putting lids on containers is the funniest thing ever.  You are absolutely adamant about your right to use the swiffer to sweep the floor and also wipe the floor with paper towels.  The list goes on and on, but I can tell that you get things.  You understand more than I realize so I keep trying to work with you on things even when I don't think I'm making progress or you're too young.  You surprise me every day.

And, of course, your favorite thing in the world is still balls.

Eliot, you have been with us for a year and two months.  Even now, your dad and I find ourselves gushing, "He is so precious."  We hold ourselves back from poking and kissing you in your sleep.  When you were born, your dad said that he was afraid he would grind his teeth down because he grits them when he sees something cute.  He still grits his teeth out of love, Baby.  You are the most amazing blessing our life.  We are crazy about you.  Maybe that is why we still have you sleep in our bed.

The New Duck

We had a successful work weekend, but we have a little more painting to do before I post photos.

Sometimes it seems like Eliot's vocabulary grows, regresses, and grows again.  He'll learn a new word, but then reverts to only saying "dog" and "ball" and "dada" mostly.  He only says "mama" when he is upset or wants something.  Then he comes screaming it at me.  Haha!  I guess he talks when he needs to.  Yesterday morning, we were working on "duck" and "quack quack".  He did say the two and then threw his rubber ducky behind the bed, so that was the end of that.

Later, we went to Kohls to look at some shorts since they're $6.  At the check out counter, I said, "Eliot, if you can correctly identify one of those stuffed animals, I'll buy it for you."  I didn't think he would.  And what does he do?  He immediately points to the duck and says, "Duck! Duck!"

Picture courtesy of Elizabeth.  We took her to Panera for dinner.  It had only been a week since we saw her, but it felt like forever!  Yay sisters!

Later that evening, Stephanie came over for a little while.  I was demonstrating my sling for her with Eliot, which I hadn't done in this position in a long time.  I was thinking maybe I should use it more when Chris and Stephanie laughed, saying Eliot was way too big.  I didn't understand until I saw this picture.  I never quite get how large he has gotten until I see us together!

Those early sling days don't seem that long ago.  And if you're wondering, it is a Baby K'tan sling.  If I could easily wrap Eliot up in under a minute, anyone can.  I highly recommend it.

And...  he is using his pirate ship as a stool now. Oh my!

Chesapeake and the Virginia Aquarium

Christopher and I decided to take an impulsive trip back to Chesapeake.  My childhood bestfriend (Kimmy) has been feeling a bit lonely since her husband is in Austria for work.  He'll be gone for eight weeks!  We figured it would be nice to keep her company for a little while.

We came in last night, and saw her dad play guitar.  Eliot is simply mesmerized by music and guitar.  He stared until he grew too tired and fell asleep in my arms.  We stayed the night at Kimmy's house, and went to the Virginia Aquarium the next day.  I hadn't been since it was called the Virginia Marine and Science Museum.  They really have added a lot.  Eliot just stared at all of the fishies.

More photos

Eliot has been growing more and more talkative.  He says "mama" when he is upset.  Other times when he babbles, he puts his hands up like he is asking a question and scrunches his brow.  Kimmy said that he looks (and sounds) like a concerned, old Italian man.  And it's true.  He really does.  I love hearing him talk.  It really is amazing how quickly he changes.

Milestones--And Talking!

Before I yammer on about uninteresting things, Eliot said his first word this evening!  He had been getting closer to including consonants in his babbling, especially while eating, but wasn't quite there.  Chris and I read to him at least twice a day, and say over and over, "Mama!  Dada!"  We figured he would say one of those first.  Of course, right?  Well, we were wrong.  He was crawling on the floor when out of nowhere he looked up at me and said so clearly, "Nana."  This is what my niece and nephew call my mom, so she was quite happy to hear that Eliot's first word was "nana," even though he probably doesn't know what he said.

I had been getting a little worried that Eliot wasn't including consonants with his babbling yet.  I know that milestones are so very different with each child.  Those milestone charts aren't even that reliable, really, but it sure is fun to get excited when your baby falls into the advanced category.  From what I understand, boys quite often develop language skills a little later than girls, but they are more physically advanced.  Eliot has done most things at an advanced pace or right on time (rolling over back-to-tummy at two months, crawling at six months, pulling up right before seven months, beginning to cruise cautiously at seven and a half months, and I really think he'll be walking by Thanksgiving), so despite knowing that his language could come slower simply due to being a boy, I found myself surprised and worried that he wasn't talking yet.  In short, this has been a relief for me even though it shouldn't have been a thought to begin with.

I guess this puts an end to a bad joke.  We'd always come up with silly things that we said would be Eliot's first words, such as, "Abed-nego, stop licking me," or "Go Miami Heat!"

You know, it's funny.  Eliot started to crawl on 8/8/11.  He said his first word on 9/9/11.  I asked Chris what he'll be doing on 10/10/11.  We all know what he was doing on 1/1/11--faking labor.