Ten Nights of the Mattress on the Floor: The Transition Away From Co-sleeping

I have written before about why we decided to co-sleep and also our sleep battles in attempts to transition Eliot out of our bed.

This is going to be very long and boring if you aren't interested in transitioning away from co-sleeping.  However, I have found many posts on other parents' and toddlers' transition to be helpful, encouraging, and insight.  So, here is our case study of sorts.

Eliot has always seemed like an easy baby to me, but sleep has been our biggest challenge.

To be honest, Chris, Eliot, and I all enjoyed sleeping in the same bed together.  When I would try to transition Eliot to his own bed, it was mostly because I felt pressure from other people and like people thought I was weird.  There are a lot of benefits to co-sleeping, and having Eliot so close helped when we were nursing and then later for both bonding and a sense of security--I was less worried about him in the middle of the night because he was right there.

I love love love having him with us, but I'd be lying if I said we weren't beginning to feel crowded in our queen-sized bed with him, two dogs, and occasionally a cat. Eliot, like most toddlers, is getting to the point that he tosses and turns throughout the night.  His kicks are strong!  Also, despite my instincts to smother him with nurturing love, I need to also encourage independence when he is ready.

I had planned to see if Eliot was ready to transition out of our bed at a year and a half.  Why a year and a half?  Simple.  He hated his crib, but was OK with his toddler bed (if he wasn't alone in it...), so I thought I'd wait until he was fully old enough for a toddler bed. Without going into too many details, I had tried transitioning Eliot into his bed in his own room numerous times without even a glimpse of success.  I knew we'd have to try something different.

This is what we did instead....  I came up with this idea that I would find a cheap, car toddler bed for our bedroom.  Eliot LOVES cars.  Surely, he would take to a car bed right away.  However, after a quick search online, I learned that car beds aren't just $40 or so like I thought.  Chris said it sounded like a good idea, but why not just put Eliot's crib (which is converted into a toddler bed now) in our room and see how that goes?  Easy enough.  Except for that his bed wouldn't fit through our doorway without taking it apart.  Instead, we just put the mattress in our room next to our bed and put mats and pillows around it in case he rolled off.

Before you worry about Eliot getting up in the middle of the night and hurting himself, our room is very safe for him.  The worst he could do is open some dresser drawers and pull our clothes out.  Also, I am a terribly light sleeper.  I knew I'd wake up before he got into trouble.

Night one.  I played with Eliot on the mattress some before bed.  He put his head down and we pretended to sleep.  I told him it was his "big boy bed".  At bedtime, I got him to sleep in our bed because I had some work to get done.  I wasn't sure how much of a fight this process would be, so I needed to finish my work first.  Around 11:30 pm, I gently placed him on his toddler mattress.  He didn't even wake up.  Usually, he'd always wake up when I tried putting him in his toddler bed.  He woke up at 1:30 am and stood at the end of the mattress.  He looked confused.  I picked him up, put him back down, and he fell asleep immediately.  He did the same thing at 4:43 am, but I figured he had done an amazing job so far and just brought him in bed with us.  Plus, I missed the little guy. 

Night two.  This time, I lay with Eliot on his mattress at bedtime.  He tried to get into our bed, but I held him close until he fell asleep, which took about fifteen minutes of cuddling.  Generally, he sleeps with his arms wrapped around my arm and I had noticed him reaching for something to hold the night before, so I put a sock monkey in his arms before I snuck out of his hold and got into my bed.  He got up at 2:09 am, but I was able to get him right back down again.  Early in the morning, he got up again.  This time, he didn't go down as easy, so I tried laying with him.  When I got back in my bed, he pointed to our bed and cried.  I was too tired to fight, honestly, so I brought him back into our bed.

Night three.  At this point, I was feeling so optimistic and pumped, but night three threw us a curve ball.  We had gone to a football game and Eliot fell asleep in the car.  I managed to get him inside and lay him on the couch.  He went right back to sleep.  I left him on the couch until 10:00 pm and took him upstairs to his bed.  He woke up, but I got him back to sleep.  Around 1:00 am, he got up (like usual).  This time, though, I couldn't get him back to sleep in his bed.  He was really upset, kept pointing to our bed, and tried to run out of our bedroom.  So, we just let him in our bed since it had been an unusual evening.  I had been feeling confident, like we had won, but, you know, I figured that this is a transition, so there was bound to be setbacks along the way.

Night four.  This night, I let Eliot fall asleep in our bed.  I did work until around 11:00 pm before moving him to his bed.  Eliot immediately woke up and would not stay asleep on his mattress.  I tried laying with him and getting up when I thought he was asleep (he jumped up right away); I tried sitting next to him and comforting him by rubbing his back (he jumped up as soon as I stopped).  I was going to keep fighting, but Chris told me to just bring him to bed.  I had stayed up decently late working and really should rest.  I was so frustrated.  It's like we were moving backwards!

Night five.  Chris had this idea that we should sleep downstairs on the sofabed and watch TV late.  Surely, Eliot would just fall asleep.  It didn't work that way.  Eliot kept crawling down to talk to our rabbit and chase the cat.  So, around 10:00 pm, we all went upstairs to bed.  Eliot fell asleep right away.  I moved him to his bed, and he slept just fine.  Around 2:11 am, Eliot woke up.  I put him back down.  He got back up.  I lay with him for 20 minutes; I thought he was asleep, but he jumped back up.  I tried one more time.  This time, he got up and lay his head on our mattress.  I was certain that he was going to fall asleep standing up.  Maybe I should have left him there, but I was too tired to deal with it.  I brought him in bed around 3:30 am.

Night six.  We stayed up late watching a movie, so Eliot fell asleep almost immediately about 10:00 pm.  Shortly after, I put him in his bed.  At the same time, Chris opened our bedroom door with the hall light on (!!!).  Eliot stirred some, muttered a baby version of "Whatever," and went back to sleep.  Phew.  He woke up in the early morning; I put him back down; he got back up; I let him come in bed.

Night seven.  Same as the other nights, Eliot fell asleep in our bed.  I put him in his bed....  He slept until the early hours of the morning and got in our bed.

Night eight.  Eliot fell asleep in our bed, was transitioned over, and slept until the early morning. 

Night nine.  I had a really horrible migraine, so I didn't bother trying to put Eliot in his bed.  I just wanted to sleep off the headache.  He seemed extra restless this night.  He has been getting his canines in, but I noticed the next day that another set of molars might be popping in too.

Our cat is not happy about the transition.  She has always been under the impression that the crib was HER bed.  Now she sleeps on a bath mat in the bathroom and steals his mattress for her many cat naps.

 Night ten.  Eliot fell asleep right away.  He had been teething really bad, so I gave him some Tylenol before bed.  I put him in his bed around 11:00 pm.  This time, he woke up some in the transition, so I lay with him for about ten minutes.  He slept until 4:00 am, which is the latest he has stayed in his bed without me putting him back down.  I did notice that he tossed and turned a bit, so I think (and hope) that he woke up a little and was able to get himself back to sleep.

In summary, at this point, Eliot falls asleep either in our bed or with me laying with him on the mattress.  He generally sleeps until the early hours of the morning.  I have decided to try putting him back down once, but I can't spend all night fighting it; I was growing too exhausted.  So, I try once and if he gets up again, he is allowed in our bed.

I'm hoping that eventually Eliot will sleep the whole night through without me needing to put him back down or pull him in our bed; however, if that doesn't happen for six months or longer, I am totally fine with that.  I remember climbing in my parents' bed frequently in the middle of the night.  They finally told me that I needed to start staying in my own bed when I was about seven.  This is a process.  I feel good about how we are doing this.  Whenever I let him cry, I just felt horrible about myself and we never got anywhere.  It works for some people (which is great and I totally respect people's decision to use that approach), but it's not for us at this point.

Part of the deal was to see how Eliot did for a week.  Then we'd get him a car bed.  While he has earned it, I'm not sure that a car bed would make much of a difference; he is doing fine how he is.  However, he does need a quilt or comforter.  I never bought him one for his crib (just a few baby blankets) because he never needed one! 

I know what it is like to be afraid in the night.  I remember being in my bed when I was six and wanting to scream for my mom, but I was afraid if I called "mommy" that mummies would think I was saying "mummy," and they'd come get me.  I was always scared when alone at night growing up, even in high school.  Heck, when I came home from college, I would try to go to sleep as fast as I could because I felt someone staring at me.  I know this all sounds silly, but I hope that I can help Eliot feel supported (not coddled) so that he will confidently take steps toward independence.

Honestly, I sleep better with him in our bed than with him on the floor.  I spend a lot of time leaning over and watching him in the dark.  I do miss him, so maybe I am weaning myself too.  This is such a big step for us that I am completely happy where we are for now.