Two is Hard

Two is hard.

Last night, Eliot walked around the house with a plastic $5 Cars kite still tucked away in its package, unopened.

"Help me, please?  Kite, please?  Help me?" he pleaded so soft and sweet.

It was 9:00 pm, close to bedtime.  There was no wind out.  It was dark.  I didn't know how in the world we could make a kite work.

"Oh, Eliot," I said.  "I am so sorry, but we can't play with this today.  It's night; this toy is for a windy day.  Some day this week if it is windy, I promise."

Toddlers can't understand "windy" or "next week" and maybe even struggle to understand night versus day.  I couldn't get through to him.  "Please?" he asked again so nicely.  It broke my heart because he was being so polite, but I just couldn't turn it into day.  He asked Chris next, then me again, and that's when the tears started.  He wasn't throwing himself on the floor or screaming, just crying while asking, "Help me, please?"

When I thought he wasn't looking enough, I tossed the kite into the garage to get it off his mind.  He saw me.  He cried more.  I held him, told him how sorry I was, and put on a movie.

Maybe I should have opened the kite anyway just to make him happy.  I didn't want the string to get all tangled and ruin it--then we really wouldn't be able to play with it on a windy day.  And as weird as this sounds, my cat is crazy about eating and destroying string, so I worried she would mess it up in the meantime.

Two is hard.

But, this all came at the end of a rough day.  I felt like I was using my "mom voice" all day because Eliot was having fun, but would push it too far.  Exploring the gardens?  Sure!  But stop shaking that tree branch!  Want to play in the sandbox?  Great idea!  No, I meant your sandbox!  Not my flower boxes!  And now there is dirt on your head....  Want to run around the yard?  Awesome!  Wait, don't crawl under the deck--and now you're stuck! 

Two is hard.

After Eliot's nap, we decided to go out to dinner (ha) because we hadn't been since our rabbit died two weeks ago.  I gave Eliot a snack before we left so he wouldn't be too hungry, but still hungry enough to want to eat.  I hyped up eating the whole drive and Eliot kept telling us all the food he was going to eat.  I brought the iPad, a coloring book that he had been using just before we left, and markers.  We had this.  No, we didn't.  About five minutes after our food arrived, we knew we just couldn't do it anymore.  We had it boxed up and left.  Eliot just kept demanding to run around, wouldn't stay in the booth, and wouldn't eat.  Of course, when we got home, though, he sat at his table and ate almost the whole meal.

Two is hard.  I feel like I keep losing more and more parts of my life.  Shopping is difficult and must be done quickly, so we usually don't shop with Eliot.  Restaurants are pretty much out, so we try to do something fast but not fastfood, like Q'doba.  If we really want a specific restaurant, we do carry out.  I mean, we used to only eat out once a week, so it isn't a huge sacrifice, but it was something we looked forward to and enjoyed.  And let's not even get started on sleep....  I have given everything in me to Eliot for sleep, and I am at an utter loss--and I am tired.

I sound like the biggest whiner.  I love, love, love having Eliot, and I wouldn't trade our challenges for anything.  He's learning, growing, and becoming an individual.  Each phase has its challenges, and I think this has been the hardest when really Eliot is so good compared to how he could be.  The kid doesn't want to sit still at restaurants?  Surprise, surprise...  He doesn't understand when he can't have something?  Of course not!  He pushes every "fun" thing a little too far because he doesn't know the boundaries (because he hasn't learned them yet) and he is enjoying life?  Sounds like a good problem to me.  He tells me "bye-bye, Ma," or "go away, Ma" when he is doing something he knows I don't want him to?  Smart kid, I'd say.

I can't expect him to act like a little adult or even a "disciplined, well-behaved" child because he isn't even a child yet.  He's a toddler.  He's learning.  We're setting the foundation for that well-behaved child, and we'll get there eventually.  Good foundations are always difficult to build.

We'll Get There

Eliot has been a happier boy today.  Looking back, Chris and I have both been very busy over the past couple of weeks with work.  B term courses had final grades due, C term was just at mid-term, and D term courses were starting, so we have been pulled in a lot of different directions with a lot of grading and work to do.  This weird collision of sub-terms happens twice a year.  Not only am I responsible for my grades, but also keeping up with my team of 25 professors as well.  I absolutely love my job; it is so rewarding in so many ways.  It's a dream job.  The reality is that working from home and raising a toddler takes balance.  I try to work when he is asleep, eating, or distracted, but sometimes we watch more tv than I'd like or he has to play by himself when he doesn't want to since I have deadlines.  And that is just life--he can't always get what he wants.  So, maybe he has been acting up a little more out of boredom too.

Eliot's sleep has been off even more than usual lately too.  We're having inconsistently late nights, waking up for an hour or more at a time in the middle of the night, and sometimes very early mornings.  It really wasn't his fault last night....  One of the dogs woke him up and he had a lot of trouble getting back to sleep.  And I didn't listen to his request for milk--surely, he would just go back to sleep, right?

He's a good boy with a sensitive heart.  He's been so "off" lately in so many different ways (sleeping, his eating habits even, and his little fits out of frustration), and I feel really bad that he is working through some toddler things, but I know he is learning and growing.  We'll get there, him and me (and Chris too).

Toddler Tantrums: Worst Parent Ever?

Eliot is such a sweet, kind, caring boy.  He loves to give affection.  I never thought he'd have meltdowns.  Lately, though, I feel like I can't take him anywhere.  His behavior hasn't been this atrocious since he got his first year molars in.  Hmm...

It starts off well.  Today we went to the mall.  I haven't bought myself shoes in a year.  It is growing more difficult for me to tie my shoes, so I thought I'd get myself some new slip-on Vans.  I have one pair of Toms that I usually wear, but they are too tight.  Eliot was a doll in the store.  He loves riding the escalator.  He walked and held our hands in the mall.  He also HAD to hold the keys, but that's OK.

Then we were feeling a little hungry, so we got lunch.  Eliot was curious about the food and played with his lunch with a fork, but didn't eat.  First sign of trouble...  Afterward, we went to the play area to let him run around.  He was having so much fun, but when he seemed to be fine with leaving, we left.  As soon as we stepped out of the play area, we ran into sign of trouble number two:  those darn cars that you ride for a quarter.  I wasn't going to start with that--it was crowded, I didn't have any change, and I knew he would never be happy about leaving.  He got in one, pressed a couple of buttons, and then we left.  He screamed, but I thought we'd be all right if we got away.

Chris took Eliot to Barnes and Noble to look at books.  Eliot loved the books and wanted them all.  We hadn't bought him a book in a while, so we picked out a couple.  One on cars, one for the alphabet (I've been trying to work more on letters), and a Dinosaur Train coloring book.  Chris went to pay while I kept reading him books.  More trouble when it was time to leave....  He wanted all of the books and didn't want to pay for them.  I got down to his level and looked him in the eye.  I try to give him the words:  "Eliot, you're angry because you like books.  You want to keep the books.  I like you liking books, but Daddy bought you three books.  You just can't have these books right here, but we bought you three nice books that you can look at out there."  I know you can't negotiate with meltdown-ers, but I find sometimes that engaging with him calms him down and maybe giving him the words can help him recognize the emotions he's feeling.

It didn't work this time.  He cried and carried on.  We carried him to the car; we let him walk to the car; we let him CARRY A BOOK to the car.  When I thought we had calmed him down, he wanted to sit on the escalator, which couldn't happen and it all started again.  Everything helped for a second, but then he'd be a wailing ball of tears and attracting everyone's glares all around us.  Yep, that's my kid.  Yep, I'm the worst parent ever.

We made it to the car.  I gave him a snack.  He refused to eat it.  Not even three minutes later, he was eating his snack.  He was hungry....  While it wasn't nap time yet, I am noticing that he has these meltdowns if we are out within a couple hours of nap time.  And it is usually around lunch time (and I do offer him food, but he won't accept it....).

We got home.  It was another fight getting him inside.  He thinks he can drive the car and tries to get in every time we get home.  Instead, I sack-of-potatoes carry him inside.  He cries more.  Chris puts him in time out to calm down while I make a smoothie for him and myself.  He demands mine; I say they are the same; he doesn't believe me.  I let him try mine and then he concludes (as I said) that he'd prefer his own.  Chris reads a book to him....  Eliot chases the dogs around and I take him to bed for a nap even though he says he isn't tired.  It is now 2:30 pm at this point--two hours straight of meltdown after meltdown.

It's like over night, he has been having some fits at home too.  We thought it'd be fun to go for a walk.  He loves running.  We were having a great time, but every time we'd pass a house with a basketball goal, he thought he could go play with it.  Not only are these not our basketball goals, but he didn't have a ball and is too small anyway.  We tried to keep going, but he'd just keep screaming for the basketball goal even when we told him he could play with his at home.  Eventually, we had to carry him home in tears.  And then there's the garage....  Currently, our shed needs work, so our garage has a lot of not-baby-friendly items.  And it also has a bag of sports balls.  Eliot unlocks the garage door and goes in there to get every single ball.  When we tell him to come back inside (it is cold out there, too!), he just loses it and cries at the door.  Man!  He just can't be out there all the time!  And there's the car thing--he gets the keys, unlocks the front door, and says, "Bye bye, Ma.  Car ride."  When I tell him he can play with the keys, but he is NOT going to drive my car, he loses it.  I'm sorry, but that just isn't up for negotiation.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy by not leaving the house and then I feel like we can't leave the house either because of his fits.

Eliot threw his first tantrum in the grocery store over a tomato (which he thought was a ball) when he was a year and a half-ish.  So, I've been dealing with these fits for about nine months?  I still feel embarrassed when it happens in public.  Everyone stares....  I try to keep in mind that most of those people have been in the same place, so they probably aren't judging me.  Some people smile with sympathy.  And whenever I see a kid acting up, I always feel bad for the parent's awkward position. 

I feel like Chris and I are pretty giving parents.  We try to do fun things, provide Eliot with the best, and make sacrifices for his well-being.  I know he doesn't understand, but I feel so frustrated when we try to do something fun (like go for a walk or buy books) and Eliot has tantrums over things I can't control.  I always put him and his needs firsts.  Why does he hateeee me?

He knows what he wants and loves to explore.  He wants to try everything.  He's independent and won't take my word on things--he has to know from his experience for sure.  And when I tell him that he can't, he doesn't understand why.  I guess we need to do more time outs and give him a place to cool down.  Of course, I feel guilty like I'm the one to blame, like I haven't disciplined him enough or I'm not reacting to his tantrums the right way.  I usually try to remove him from the situation and ignore him or I try to get on his level to give him the words.  Sometimes distracting him helps.  I'm just thankful that he isn't hitting, kicking, or biting (yet?).  Does this ever end?  Because I feel like it is getting worse....