Toddler Tantrums: Worst Parent Ever?

Eliot is such a sweet, kind, caring boy.  He loves to give affection.  I never thought he'd have meltdowns.  Lately, though, I feel like I can't take him anywhere.  His behavior hasn't been this atrocious since he got his first year molars in.  Hmm...

It starts off well.  Today we went to the mall.  I haven't bought myself shoes in a year.  It is growing more difficult for me to tie my shoes, so I thought I'd get myself some new slip-on Vans.  I have one pair of Toms that I usually wear, but they are too tight.  Eliot was a doll in the store.  He loves riding the escalator.  He walked and held our hands in the mall.  He also HAD to hold the keys, but that's OK.

Then we were feeling a little hungry, so we got lunch.  Eliot was curious about the food and played with his lunch with a fork, but didn't eat.  First sign of trouble...  Afterward, we went to the play area to let him run around.  He was having so much fun, but when he seemed to be fine with leaving, we left.  As soon as we stepped out of the play area, we ran into sign of trouble number two:  those darn cars that you ride for a quarter.  I wasn't going to start with that--it was crowded, I didn't have any change, and I knew he would never be happy about leaving.  He got in one, pressed a couple of buttons, and then we left.  He screamed, but I thought we'd be all right if we got away.

Chris took Eliot to Barnes and Noble to look at books.  Eliot loved the books and wanted them all.  We hadn't bought him a book in a while, so we picked out a couple.  One on cars, one for the alphabet (I've been trying to work more on letters), and a Dinosaur Train coloring book.  Chris went to pay while I kept reading him books.  More trouble when it was time to leave....  He wanted all of the books and didn't want to pay for them.  I got down to his level and looked him in the eye.  I try to give him the words:  "Eliot, you're angry because you like books.  You want to keep the books.  I like you liking books, but Daddy bought you three books.  You just can't have these books right here, but we bought you three nice books that you can look at out there."  I know you can't negotiate with meltdown-ers, but I find sometimes that engaging with him calms him down and maybe giving him the words can help him recognize the emotions he's feeling.

It didn't work this time.  He cried and carried on.  We carried him to the car; we let him walk to the car; we let him CARRY A BOOK to the car.  When I thought we had calmed him down, he wanted to sit on the escalator, which couldn't happen and it all started again.  Everything helped for a second, but then he'd be a wailing ball of tears and attracting everyone's glares all around us.  Yep, that's my kid.  Yep, I'm the worst parent ever.

We made it to the car.  I gave him a snack.  He refused to eat it.  Not even three minutes later, he was eating his snack.  He was hungry....  While it wasn't nap time yet, I am noticing that he has these meltdowns if we are out within a couple hours of nap time.  And it is usually around lunch time (and I do offer him food, but he won't accept it....).

We got home.  It was another fight getting him inside.  He thinks he can drive the car and tries to get in every time we get home.  Instead, I sack-of-potatoes carry him inside.  He cries more.  Chris puts him in time out to calm down while I make a smoothie for him and myself.  He demands mine; I say they are the same; he doesn't believe me.  I let him try mine and then he concludes (as I said) that he'd prefer his own.  Chris reads a book to him....  Eliot chases the dogs around and I take him to bed for a nap even though he says he isn't tired.  It is now 2:30 pm at this point--two hours straight of meltdown after meltdown.

It's like over night, he has been having some fits at home too.  We thought it'd be fun to go for a walk.  He loves running.  We were having a great time, but every time we'd pass a house with a basketball goal, he thought he could go play with it.  Not only are these not our basketball goals, but he didn't have a ball and is too small anyway.  We tried to keep going, but he'd just keep screaming for the basketball goal even when we told him he could play with his at home.  Eventually, we had to carry him home in tears.  And then there's the garage....  Currently, our shed needs work, so our garage has a lot of not-baby-friendly items.  And it also has a bag of sports balls.  Eliot unlocks the garage door and goes in there to get every single ball.  When we tell him to come back inside (it is cold out there, too!), he just loses it and cries at the door.  Man!  He just can't be out there all the time!  And there's the car thing--he gets the keys, unlocks the front door, and says, "Bye bye, Ma.  Car ride."  When I tell him he can play with the keys, but he is NOT going to drive my car, he loses it.  I'm sorry, but that just isn't up for negotiation.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy by not leaving the house and then I feel like we can't leave the house either because of his fits.

Eliot threw his first tantrum in the grocery store over a tomato (which he thought was a ball) when he was a year and a half-ish.  So, I've been dealing with these fits for about nine months?  I still feel embarrassed when it happens in public.  Everyone stares....  I try to keep in mind that most of those people have been in the same place, so they probably aren't judging me.  Some people smile with sympathy.  And whenever I see a kid acting up, I always feel bad for the parent's awkward position. 

I feel like Chris and I are pretty giving parents.  We try to do fun things, provide Eliot with the best, and make sacrifices for his well-being.  I know he doesn't understand, but I feel so frustrated when we try to do something fun (like go for a walk or buy books) and Eliot has tantrums over things I can't control.  I always put him and his needs firsts.  Why does he hateeee me?

He knows what he wants and loves to explore.  He wants to try everything.  He's independent and won't take my word on things--he has to know from his experience for sure.  And when I tell him that he can't, he doesn't understand why.  I guess we need to do more time outs and give him a place to cool down.  Of course, I feel guilty like I'm the one to blame, like I haven't disciplined him enough or I'm not reacting to his tantrums the right way.  I usually try to remove him from the situation and ignore him or I try to get on his level to give him the words.  Sometimes distracting him helps.  I'm just thankful that he isn't hitting, kicking, or biting (yet?).  Does this ever end?  Because I feel like it is getting worse....