Sorting Through the Letters

I post my monthly letters to Eliot here in place of a baby book.  However, I also bind them as a Blurb book.  I did pretty all right keeping up with it for Eliot's first year, but it was kind of hard to maintain this second year.  The photos and Blurb software are all on another computer, which my cat broke the screen to, so I have remote desktop in and it takes a whileeee.

Anyway, I've been playing "catch up" over the past few days to get his second book together before I get too behind on his third book.  I decided to aim to do two letters a day, which would have me caught up in a week.  I need manageable goals.

Over the past few days, I've read over letters following his first birthday.  I remembered the magic of him learning to walk, climb, and run.  I aww-ed over his beautiful face.  And I laughed at how I was so excited for his "hair to finally be coming in" because when I wrote that, he was still so, so, so incredibly bald.  I remembered sunshine, trips to the parks, and hopes for summer.

At the same time, I remembered all of the things that I didn't write to Eliot.  I remembered our hopes for having a second baby, our heartbreak through the process of losing one, the difficult summer we had when so many of our family members continually were being hospitalized, the frustration Chris and I felt over trying to move, the stress of writing a dissertation....  To be honest, we went through a hard season without an end in sight.  I felt overwhelmed.  I felt crowded and alone.  Life is full of seasons, though, and I am thankful that time is over.  We may enter a difficult time again in the future, but for now life is much more calm.

Sometimes I worry about "starting over" with Jack (as I've said before) because Eliot is so much fun now.  It's nice to look back and remember how I have gushed over Eliot so much since the beginning too.  I have to remember to keep writing for my sons.  I treasure those letters, memories, and records of milestones already and it hasn't even been that long.  I love both of my boys so much (and Jack isn't even here yet).

I want to remember every moment and every detail,
but I know I can't,

so I write letters
to my future, grown boys
about things they won't remember
in hopes that they will know
that I always loved them with all I have.