The truth is, though, that there are aspects of having two that scare me.
Starting over? It has taken so long to get to this point with Eliot. He can communicate, he eats, he sleeps about the same time, he is capable of going off places and having fun, he has most of his teeth, and he doesn't get upset when he is dropped off with someone for babysitting for a little bit (which happens once a week). We worked through so many phases, and now I'll have to start again with another human while trying to keep on teaching this human how to be a normal, functioning person? That sounds like a steep order.
But then I remind myself that some stages with Eliot when he was younger were EASIER than now. Like when we took him camping when he was only three months old. Yeah, it was easier then than it would be now. And when we would go to restaurants, Eliot mostly slept or was just held by someone. He wasn't crawling under the table like he does now (Is it socially acceptable to let your toddler sit under the table? Because I do...). Newborns are a handful but for different kinds of hands. And toddlers are a handful but in a totally different way.
Eliot's "baby"-like tendencies. I haven't been too pushy with Eliot when it comes to "baby" things that other parents might take away. And those parents probably think I'm nuts--but that is OK. He still has milk (and only milk) in a bottle--sounds weird, but he refuses to drink milk out of a cup. We are still in the process of transitioning him with his big boy bed (I mean, he isn't in his own room yet with it). He still uses a paci when he sleeps (otherwise, he grinds his teeth), is in the car, and when he gets hurt. And he isn't potty trained (which I don't think is a big deal at all). However, what happens when he isn't allowed to have a bottle and then he sees Jack with one? Or if we take his paci away all together only to realize we gave it to Jack? Is he going to freak out?
But then I remind myself that I have allowed Eliot these "baby" things because I am waiting for the right time. I decided not to push him, so I don't need to give myself a four-month deadline to restrict him just because a new baby is coming. He can still be a baby too for a while longer if he needs to.
Will I be enough? I'm sure every parent struggles with this. Can I provide enough love and attention to two boys with two very different needs? Eliot is quite independent in many ways, but he is incredibly affectionate. He loves to cuddle while watching TV. Can I still give that to him? When he goes down for a nap or to bed at night, I have to lay with him for at least 20 minutes. Will that be possible with a newborn? I will feel stretched and divided. And newborns gotta eat a lot and frequently--at least Eliot nursed alllll the fricken time.
But then I remind myself that millions of mothers have small children and also infants. It will take balancing and it might be hard at first, but we will figure it out together. Also, I'm so lucky that Chris works from home, so if Eliot needs someone to lay with him to go to bed, well, Chris can do that too. And maybe we'll get lucky and Eliot will transition to more independent sleep before Jack arrives.
How will Chris transition? Again, another worry that I'm sure all mothers have, but moreso with their first babies. I worried how Chris would handle a newborn when I had Eliot. However, he took to Eliot right away and loved doing everything he could to help. I guess I worry that he might be a little spoiled with Eliot because the kid runs and plays and hits baseballs. It's easy to entertain Eliot. A newborn might be more difficult. I don't want it to turn into Eliot is Chris's boy and Jack is Katie's baby. I don't want assigned kids--I want us to parent both together.
But then I remind myself that Chris would stay up late with Eliot (way later than I could stay awake) when he was a newborn, just the two of them. Then I could sleep some until Eliot was ready to nurse. Chris is a wonderful dad. It might take a moment to re-group when Jack comes, but we'll be OK!
What about Eliot? Eliot has been the center of our world for two years. When Jack comes, attention will have to be divided. Will Eliot see Jack as competition and a distraction from his wants? Will there be jealousy? What if Eliot hates the baby?
But then I remind myself that this is another challenge that so many parents before me have faced. I should expect there to be some jealousy issues, but it's nothing we can't work with. Eventually, it will get to the point that none of us remember what it was like without Jack, and Eliot will strike a balance. Plus, Eliot loves everything baby ("Oh! Baby duck! Baby dinosaur! Baby fish!"). Everythinggg that is small is also a baby to him, so he probably will like a human baby all right too after we get settled. Also, having a little brother will help Eliot grow and mature because he will have to learn sooner or later that the world doesn't revolve around him.
I'm sure every worry I have is normal. I'm sure it will be difficult some days, but we will get there. It occurs to me that every thing that scares me is concerning the transition of welcoming Jack into our family, and I know from experience that this kind of transition is scary at first but then is over before you realize it. For every person who asks how in the world will I handle two, there's someone else out there who has done it and says we'll be fine. (And two at once really isn't that many....)
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