When Eliot was born, I felt this intense pressure to mold him into a loving, confident, compassionate, intelligent, happy boy. We spent hours reading poetry to him as an infant. I always felt extra guilty if Chris and I argued around him. I never wanted to hurt his heart by losing my patience with him. I worried about the media having a negative influence on him and his understanding of himself.
I make it a point not to lose my cool and yell at him. I'm not saying I don't discipline him, but my mantra is "calm and firm" when he is doing something bad. And I try to reserve raising my voice for when he or someone is in danger of getting hurt (the hot stove, pulling on the dogs too much, or things like that). I wanted my "mom voice" to get his attention more. I want my words to build him up because there are enough other voices out there to tear him down throughout life.
So, when I saw him making his hands talk to each other saying, "Shut up! Shut up! Bad, bad, bad!" I was appalled and heart-broken. I never speak to him in this way. Where did he pick it up? Then I realized that I have said these words in front of him, just not at him. When the dogs are extra yappy, I am guilty of telling them to shut up. (OK, before I sound like the worst dog mom ever, I usually say "shut it" or "quit your yappin'" to be silly and say "shut up" when Dexter starts growling at Abed-nego over food or space on the couch, which I think is more serious. I mostly only say "shut up" when I've been severely pushed to my limits). When the dogs eat Eliot's toys or pee on the floor, I am guilty of calling them bad, bad, bad. The thing is that my dogs really only respond to the wagging of a finger and a very stern word. I hate it, but I have to use a mean voice with them to get them to stop whatever bad thing they are doing. However, I am exposing Eliot to more negative words than I thought--something I took extreme measures to avoid.
I want to build up Eliot's confidence and self-image. I don't want the media to be telling him who he should be or what material things he should want to be happy. I can try to shield Eliot from hearing these messages, but there's only but so much I can do. When it comes to TV, we mostly just watch kids' shows and sports. Watching Teen Mom was a guilty pleasure for me (you know Jenelle is funny in such a sad way), but then there was just too much yelling and upset babies. It didn't feel right with Eliot around. So, I stopped watching it. We used to like watching shows like Dexter and Madmen (well, I never really liked those shows, but Chris did); however, we just didn't feel comfortable watching them with Eliot around as he grew more aware. I kind of wanted to avoid getting him toy guns.... There's so much violence in this world as it is that I didn't want to contribute to turning it into a game. Well, the other day, he brought a train track to me, flipped it around, and pretended to shoot me with it as if it were a gun. No matter what I do, he will exposed to the world around us. I can't avoid it all the way.
I feel helpless. I guess this is why some people turn to homeschooling--they want to be in control as much as possible. Eliot (and our baby boy on the way) is so incredibly precious to me. I want to be intentional in what he is exposed to and to protect him from all the bad and pain in the world. While I can try, the important part isn't necessarily the shielding (or the censoring?) but perhaps helping him to form his own filter and lens through which he views the world. This isn't as simple as blocking everything aside from PBS and Nick Jr. from the tv. This takes work--a lifetime of work--and communication. I think I will start trying to read more of the Bible to help form that lens, his understanding of this fallen world, the need for salvation, and a knowledge of who he is in Christ. I hope I can help our sons to make sense of the world, even if I don't understand it myself.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
20 Weeks
I have so been looking forward to saying that I am half-way through this pregnancy that it feels like I should have been at 20 weeks a while ago! After the dust of the first trimester settles, I really do enjoy being pregnant. Sure, picking out clothes becomes more of a challenge, but I loved being pregnant with Eliot and also am thankful to experience carrying this baby as well.
I had my 20-week appointment on Tuesday. They said I gained five pounds since last month, but I think they need to check their math. I weighed 106 on Tuesday and 103 at the previous appointment. That is looking more like three pounds to me, but they were fine with it, so whatever. Anyway, we also had an ultrasound! Everything looks great and the lady double-confirmed that Babe is definitely a boy. I was a little worried that I'd feel silly for getting the extra ultrasound at 18 weeks since we'd just find out two weeks later, but I'm so glad we did. Prenatal imaging is more of a family-friendly place and really concentrated on showing us the baby while the doctor's office ultrasound was more of a medical procedure (which is to be expected). Also, Babe's legs were crossed at the 20-week ultrasound, so she was only able to get a glimpse. Not to mention that we have a video from our 18-week ultrasound and a 3D image. So, yeah, I don't regret it at all.
At my doctor's appointment, the nurse made it a point to tell me that since I am half-way, it is pretty much downhill from here since the second half of pregnancy is harder than the first. What? Way to be encouraging. Who says stuff like that? But I'm not worried because, uh, I've done this before, and I'm pretty sure the first 15 weeks of being sick and starving and unable to eat were a bit worse than what is to come. I do know I'll continue to grow more uncomfortable, but I'd say it's just the last month that is rather difficult (the false alarms, everyone saying "any day now" when you really have weeks left, the anxiety about giving birth, the discomfort, the contractions that don't go anywhere, the heartburn, how painful those baby kicks grow... I know it gets rough--I remember--but I think I prefer the second half of pregnancy). Sorry for the rant. I just hate it when people (especially those who are supposed to be supportive) are so unhelpfully negative. Of course, this was after the nurse did a double-take when I approached her after she called my name and then looked puzzled while looking up my information. "You're 26?" Um, yes. She likely thought I was a teen mom--and what if I were?
I'm feeling pretty OK these days. Headaches are lessening.... My food aversions are mostly gone and my energy level is good enough. I am back to cleaning a lot and cooking, which I hated to take a break from in the beginning--I was just so tired before and hated all food. About a week ago, I was having some intense pains, but I am certain I was just growing. I'm also getting a twinge of heartburn every night lately no matter what I eat.
The baby is moving more and more. Chris has been able to feel the baby move, which makes me so happy. And Babe weighed 11 ounces at our appointment. Everything is right on track!
Since finding out the gender, I feel like we should get going with everything baby-wise. Then I try to remind myself that we have so much time left. It is crazy that we just announced our pregnancy eight weeks ago. Chris and my mom (and Eliot) painted both the baby's room and Eliot's room a blue-ish grey. The room will be all set before we know it! By the way, the nursery nooo longer smells like dog, which is awesome. We did have to baby gate it off because Eliot and the dogs were having too much fun. The dogs wanted to eat things and Eliot wanted to draw on the walls. And Eliot loved playing with the new double stroller so much that he cracked some of the molding around the closet door! Yikes! We'll make it presentable somehow, but Eliot and the dogs are banished for now.
Eliot has really grown to understand the baby more, I think. Maybe it is because I am showing more or maybe we have been talking about the baby more to him since we know it is a boy. He likes to play with cars on my tummy. He puts his hand on my tummy and says, "Baby brother." And today he was hugging and kissing my belly. Eliot loves all things "baby"--like, he prefers looking at the baby turtles at the aquarium opposed to the adult turtles--so I'm hoping we'll have as smooth of an adjustment as possible.
 |
| I'm not thrilled with myself in this photo, but I thought Eliot was funny. |
I had my 20-week appointment on Tuesday. They said I gained five pounds since last month, but I think they need to check their math. I weighed 106 on Tuesday and 103 at the previous appointment. That is looking more like three pounds to me, but they were fine with it, so whatever. Anyway, we also had an ultrasound! Everything looks great and the lady double-confirmed that Babe is definitely a boy. I was a little worried that I'd feel silly for getting the extra ultrasound at 18 weeks since we'd just find out two weeks later, but I'm so glad we did. Prenatal imaging is more of a family-friendly place and really concentrated on showing us the baby while the doctor's office ultrasound was more of a medical procedure (which is to be expected). Also, Babe's legs were crossed at the 20-week ultrasound, so she was only able to get a glimpse. Not to mention that we have a video from our 18-week ultrasound and a 3D image. So, yeah, I don't regret it at all.
At my doctor's appointment, the nurse made it a point to tell me that since I am half-way, it is pretty much downhill from here since the second half of pregnancy is harder than the first. What? Way to be encouraging. Who says stuff like that? But I'm not worried because, uh, I've done this before, and I'm pretty sure the first 15 weeks of being sick and starving and unable to eat were a bit worse than what is to come. I do know I'll continue to grow more uncomfortable, but I'd say it's just the last month that is rather difficult (the false alarms, everyone saying "any day now" when you really have weeks left, the anxiety about giving birth, the discomfort, the contractions that don't go anywhere, the heartburn, how painful those baby kicks grow... I know it gets rough--I remember--but I think I prefer the second half of pregnancy). Sorry for the rant. I just hate it when people (especially those who are supposed to be supportive) are so unhelpfully negative. Of course, this was after the nurse did a double-take when I approached her after she called my name and then looked puzzled while looking up my information. "You're 26?" Um, yes. She likely thought I was a teen mom--and what if I were?
I'm feeling pretty OK these days. Headaches are lessening.... My food aversions are mostly gone and my energy level is good enough. I am back to cleaning a lot and cooking, which I hated to take a break from in the beginning--I was just so tired before and hated all food. About a week ago, I was having some intense pains, but I am certain I was just growing. I'm also getting a twinge of heartburn every night lately no matter what I eat.
The baby is moving more and more. Chris has been able to feel the baby move, which makes me so happy. And Babe weighed 11 ounces at our appointment. Everything is right on track!
Since finding out the gender, I feel like we should get going with everything baby-wise. Then I try to remind myself that we have so much time left. It is crazy that we just announced our pregnancy eight weeks ago. Chris and my mom (and Eliot) painted both the baby's room and Eliot's room a blue-ish grey. The room will be all set before we know it! By the way, the nursery nooo longer smells like dog, which is awesome. We did have to baby gate it off because Eliot and the dogs were having too much fun. The dogs wanted to eat things and Eliot wanted to draw on the walls. And Eliot loved playing with the new double stroller so much that he cracked some of the molding around the closet door! Yikes! We'll make it presentable somehow, but Eliot and the dogs are banished for now.
Eliot has really grown to understand the baby more, I think. Maybe it is because I am showing more or maybe we have been talking about the baby more to him since we know it is a boy. He likes to play with cars on my tummy. He puts his hand on my tummy and says, "Baby brother." And today he was hugging and kissing my belly. Eliot loves all things "baby"--like, he prefers looking at the baby turtles at the aquarium opposed to the adult turtles--so I'm hoping we'll have as smooth of an adjustment as possible.
So, everything is continuing to go well and I am so thankful for that.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Dear Eliot: Two Years, One Month
Dear Eliot,
There are so many details that I feel like I left out of your letter last month. There are so many funny, quirky things that you are doing and saying lately.
You're a sweet boy and almost always say "thank you" when we give you something. A trick that is especially cute is when a waiter brings us drinks or our food. You always say "thank youuuu" in this adorable voice. I love it! You have started saying please when you ask for things, which helps calm down your frantic toddler demands and makes you look really well-mannered too. And it usually works to help you get what you want. Also, you say "bless you" when someone sneezes. Of course, afterward, you start fake sneezing.
You're very considerate too. When the oven is on, we warn you that it is hot. You understand and keep your distance. We one of us goes to put something in or take something out of the oven, though, you point and yell in a very concerned voice, "Hot, dada!!! Hot!" You are quite worried that we're going to burn ourselves. Thanks, Eliot.
One of your favorite things in the world is a trusty flashlight. You love to take flashlights around the house, explore dark closets, and look under furniture. Here's the kicker: your dog, Dexter, is obsessed with light, so he follows you everywhere chasing that light. You think it is hilarious--I think you're going to give the dog a heart attack one day.
I don't know what it is about red solo cups, but you have to have one with all of your drinks. One day, we put your sippy cup inside of a red plastic cup as a joke. Ever since, you have demanded one with your drinks. "My cup!" you yell as if you are offended that we forgot.
Your love for art continues to grow. You love to color, draw, paint, and play music. If you find a pen, you must draw. And everyone must draw with you. We have fun drawing big scenes together. The funniest thing is that you try to draw sharks, gasp, and yell, "Oh no! Shark!" You expect us to pretend to be scared with you. You really seem to be left-handed.... You're really good at playing the harmonica and also play piano. The other night, you were playing on the piano while singing, "Daddy, Dexter!" over and over. I think you'll grow into a creative boy.
You love doing everything we do, especially the things your dad does. You copy his every move. We were eating once and your dad dropped his fork. You immediately threw your fork on the ground and looked to him for approval.
This month, we learned that your growing sibling is a baby boy! I can't imagine a more beautiful gift to give you than a brother close in age--not that I have the power to decide these things. I am just so excited for you two to grow up together. I think you will make an amazing big brother. You have helped with so much with the baby already. You helped us put his crib together and paint his room.
And you love playing with the baby too. You play cars on my tummy while saying, "Baby brother!" One night, I was cleaning the kitchen when you brought all of the baby and receiving blankets out of your dresser one by one. You said, "babyyyy" and wrapped each one around my tummy.
Earlier this month, we had our first (and probably last) snow of the season, which was your second snow. You loved it! You would have stayed out there shivering all day with your sled. It's a good thing you had your dada to play with you because I was not braving the cold for too long.
Eliot, I think you are the prettiest little boy. You're so special to us. You make us laugh every day. You push us to grow in our patience and communication every day. And I think every day about how you are so incredibly handsome. You make me proud, Baby. It's been two years--and it keeps getting better.
There are so many details that I feel like I left out of your letter last month. There are so many funny, quirky things that you are doing and saying lately.
You're a sweet boy and almost always say "thank you" when we give you something. A trick that is especially cute is when a waiter brings us drinks or our food. You always say "thank youuuu" in this adorable voice. I love it! You have started saying please when you ask for things, which helps calm down your frantic toddler demands and makes you look really well-mannered too. And it usually works to help you get what you want. Also, you say "bless you" when someone sneezes. Of course, afterward, you start fake sneezing.
You're very considerate too. When the oven is on, we warn you that it is hot. You understand and keep your distance. We one of us goes to put something in or take something out of the oven, though, you point and yell in a very concerned voice, "Hot, dada!!! Hot!" You are quite worried that we're going to burn ourselves. Thanks, Eliot.
One of your favorite things in the world is a trusty flashlight. You love to take flashlights around the house, explore dark closets, and look under furniture. Here's the kicker: your dog, Dexter, is obsessed with light, so he follows you everywhere chasing that light. You think it is hilarious--I think you're going to give the dog a heart attack one day.
I don't know what it is about red solo cups, but you have to have one with all of your drinks. One day, we put your sippy cup inside of a red plastic cup as a joke. Ever since, you have demanded one with your drinks. "My cup!" you yell as if you are offended that we forgot.
Your love for art continues to grow. You love to color, draw, paint, and play music. If you find a pen, you must draw. And everyone must draw with you. We have fun drawing big scenes together. The funniest thing is that you try to draw sharks, gasp, and yell, "Oh no! Shark!" You expect us to pretend to be scared with you. You really seem to be left-handed.... You're really good at playing the harmonica and also play piano. The other night, you were playing on the piano while singing, "Daddy, Dexter!" over and over. I think you'll grow into a creative boy.
You love doing everything we do, especially the things your dad does. You copy his every move. We were eating once and your dad dropped his fork. You immediately threw your fork on the ground and looked to him for approval.
And you love playing with the baby too. You play cars on my tummy while saying, "Baby brother!" One night, I was cleaning the kitchen when you brought all of the baby and receiving blankets out of your dresser one by one. You said, "babyyyy" and wrapped each one around my tummy.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Robinson Vegan Week
Chris suggested that we have a vegan week. We eat mostly vegetarian at home aside from holidays and I know eventually we'd like to do more vegan meals for health reasons. Cholesterol issues run in my family, and I have already had high cholesterol at points--hopefully not anymore! One clear way to fight cholesterol issues is to cut down on dairy. I don't do eat many eggs. I only have milk when I cook with it (I prefer almond milk). My biggest weakness is cheese. Cheese makes everything better.
Anyway, here's a small menu for the next few days. Not quite a full week, but here's what I'm planning for so far.
lentil curry soup over jasmine rice
veggie-stuffed portobello mushrooms; blackbean-mango cous-cous
perogies; asparagus; broccoli-avocado brown rice (with a drizzle of soy sauce)
blackbean soup; chips and guacamole
bleackbean-lentil sloppy Joes; spinach salad; baked fries
veggie pigs in a blanket; roasted red pepper humus and pita chips
Anyway, here's a small menu for the next few days. Not quite a full week, but here's what I'm planning for so far.
lentil curry soup over jasmine rice
veggie-stuffed portobello mushrooms; blackbean-mango cous-cous
perogies; asparagus; broccoli-avocado brown rice (with a drizzle of soy sauce)
blackbean soup; chips and guacamole
bleackbean-lentil sloppy Joes; spinach salad; baked fries
veggie pigs in a blanket; roasted red pepper humus and pita chips
If you want to follow along with our vegan week, I'll be posting more on my food tumblr.
Our first night was last night. I've posted this lentil curry soup a bajillion times on instagram.
Sorry, friends. It's one of our favorite meals.
Sorry, friends. It's one of our favorite meals.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Homebodies
That moment when you realize that you bought new eyeliner on Monday, but it is now Thursday late afternoon and haven't used it yet because you haven't gone anywhere....
I was sitting on the couch after my morning run-arounds (feeding the boy, feeding the animals, picking up extra toys, sweeping, putting away dishes, feeding myself...) when Chris asked if I felt OK. I mean, I am pretty tired because Eliot was awake from 2:00 am til 5:00 am trying to convince us to go play with the cat, but I feel OK. Achy, but OK. Then I realized that I just have been feeling kinda down. And that is because I haven't been leaving the house and barely even stepping outside at all this week. On Monday, we went to the grocery store and HomeDepot, but that has been it. And I don't even remember what happened this past weekend.
I've had plans, of course. Every day, my goal has been to go to the grocery store, write, and grade. I do my work, but don't get to the grocery store. So, I sent Chris today during Eliot's nap. And maybe I'll get around to getting OUT and doing something FUN (even just a walk) after Eliot wakes up.
I haven't updated much because every time I go to write on here, my brain says, "No one wants to read about that...." Yeah, it's been that kind of week. And I'm not trying to throw a pity party, just saying I have been quiet and boring lately. Eliot and I have just done A LOT of drawing.
I was sitting on the couch after my morning run-arounds (feeding the boy, feeding the animals, picking up extra toys, sweeping, putting away dishes, feeding myself...) when Chris asked if I felt OK. I mean, I am pretty tired because Eliot was awake from 2:00 am til 5:00 am trying to convince us to go play with the cat, but I feel OK. Achy, but OK. Then I realized that I just have been feeling kinda down. And that is because I haven't been leaving the house and barely even stepping outside at all this week. On Monday, we went to the grocery store and HomeDepot, but that has been it. And I don't even remember what happened this past weekend.
I've had plans, of course. Every day, my goal has been to go to the grocery store, write, and grade. I do my work, but don't get to the grocery store. So, I sent Chris today during Eliot's nap. And maybe I'll get around to getting OUT and doing something FUN (even just a walk) after Eliot wakes up.
I haven't updated much because every time I go to write on here, my brain says, "No one wants to read about that...." Yeah, it's been that kind of week. And I'm not trying to throw a pity party, just saying I have been quiet and boring lately. Eliot and I have just done A LOT of drawing.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Shifting Gears: Getting Ready for Boy #2 Instead of a Girl
When we had our ultrasound and I saw that it was a boy, my immediate thought was, "It's a boy! It's not a girl."
I don't mean to sound disappointed--I'm not. I told Chris that I was thinking like a Structuralist. I was creating a definition with binaries. The opposite defines the other. Black aids the definition of white. Nothing defines everything. Cold defines hot. Post-structuralists would go on to say that truth is inaccessible through binaries because while there is black and white, there is also grey.
I miss literary theory....
Moving on...
Ultrasounds are great for daddies because they get to see the reality of the baby. Chris has been excited about our baby, of course, but our 12-week ultrasound made it more real since he hasn't felt the morning sickness or strange, violent hunger. A few weeks later when I felt flutters, Chris couldn't feel that reality, just hear reports of it. But, when he saw the 18-week ultrasound and learned that he'd be having a son, I think it helped him see the baby even more as an individual--we can say "he" instead of "it". And now we refer to Baby by his name (which I will reveal later when we have a middle name nailed down).
For me, I've been able to feel the changes in my body all along as an indication of the changes that will come to our family, but what helps me to comprehend our new baby boy's gender is getting ready. Or nesting. Or organizing. Whatever you want to call it, preparing our home, assembling baby gear, and starting a registry (even though we need very little) is how I sit back and say, "Wow. Our baby BOY will be here in the summer."
Last weekend, I steam cleaned our boy's carpets. It still smells a little when the sun is shining through the windows (I guess I didn't use enough soap?), so I'm going to try the baking soda trick. This weekend, I went through Eliot's old clothes to find that we have about four newborn short-sleeved onesies (that Eliot grew out of in a week...) and two 0-3 month short-sleeved onesies. The rest are sleepers since Eliot was born in the winter. Chris said I could order a few summer outfits and then I'll pick up a couple packs of onesies, and we should be set. I know this seems early, and Chris prefers to wait to buy things when we still have five months left, but it really helps me "get it". And I'm glad Chris has just shrugged and been like, "sure," when I point out the summer-y rompers that I've picked out for our boy despite his nature to wait wait wait and be sure that is what we want and the right deal. By the way, I'm resisting the urge to make a day trip to Williamsburg for the Carter's outlet. Maybe in the spring. I mean, Chris has been saying he wanted to go to Williamsburg since the fall. And the good news is that Babe should be OK for fall and the following spring since he will just wear Eliot's spring clothes in the fall and then Eliot's fall clothes in the spring (if that makes sense). Opposite seasons line up about half-way if you aren't too picky about seasonal colors.
When Chris and I talked of having Eliot, I always imagined we'd have a boy and we did. When we talked of a second, I imagined we'd have another boy--I always saw us with two boys--but figured it might have been because I didn't know what it was like to have a girl. Then when I got pregnant with our second (well, third if you count our miscarriage), I tried to prepare myself for the possibility of having a girl and everyone said girl and my symptoms said girl and my mind thought girl so much that I thought it had to be. I think maybe I wanted to know which this baby was so badly that I clung to it. So when I saw a boy inside of me, I was surprised and thrilled. (As a side note, I accidentally said "he" during our 12-week ultrasound and felt guilty for WEEKS since we didn't know. I think I'm extra sensitive to this whole not offending when it comes to gender). Anyway, after saying, "I can't stop puking so it's gotta be a girl!" for months, it took a moment to shift gears. And I gotta say, I think Eliot and his brother will have so much fun together. And I'm looking forward to not arguing over whether we'll watch Cars or a princess movie--instead it'll probably be arguing about Cars or Thomas, but at least they're more similar.
I don't mean to sound disappointed--I'm not. I told Chris that I was thinking like a Structuralist. I was creating a definition with binaries. The opposite defines the other. Black aids the definition of white. Nothing defines everything. Cold defines hot. Post-structuralists would go on to say that truth is inaccessible through binaries because while there is black and white, there is also grey.
I miss literary theory....
Moving on...
Ultrasounds are great for daddies because they get to see the reality of the baby. Chris has been excited about our baby, of course, but our 12-week ultrasound made it more real since he hasn't felt the morning sickness or strange, violent hunger. A few weeks later when I felt flutters, Chris couldn't feel that reality, just hear reports of it. But, when he saw the 18-week ultrasound and learned that he'd be having a son, I think it helped him see the baby even more as an individual--we can say "he" instead of "it". And now we refer to Baby by his name (which I will reveal later when we have a middle name nailed down).
For me, I've been able to feel the changes in my body all along as an indication of the changes that will come to our family, but what helps me to comprehend our new baby boy's gender is getting ready. Or nesting. Or organizing. Whatever you want to call it, preparing our home, assembling baby gear, and starting a registry (even though we need very little) is how I sit back and say, "Wow. Our baby BOY will be here in the summer."
Last weekend, I steam cleaned our boy's carpets. It still smells a little when the sun is shining through the windows (I guess I didn't use enough soap?), so I'm going to try the baking soda trick. This weekend, I went through Eliot's old clothes to find that we have about four newborn short-sleeved onesies (that Eliot grew out of in a week...) and two 0-3 month short-sleeved onesies. The rest are sleepers since Eliot was born in the winter. Chris said I could order a few summer outfits and then I'll pick up a couple packs of onesies, and we should be set. I know this seems early, and Chris prefers to wait to buy things when we still have five months left, but it really helps me "get it". And I'm glad Chris has just shrugged and been like, "sure," when I point out the summer-y rompers that I've picked out for our boy despite his nature to wait wait wait and be sure that is what we want and the right deal. By the way, I'm resisting the urge to make a day trip to Williamsburg for the Carter's outlet. Maybe in the spring. I mean, Chris has been saying he wanted to go to Williamsburg since the fall. And the good news is that Babe should be OK for fall and the following spring since he will just wear Eliot's spring clothes in the fall and then Eliot's fall clothes in the spring (if that makes sense). Opposite seasons line up about half-way if you aren't too picky about seasonal colors.
When Chris and I talked of having Eliot, I always imagined we'd have a boy and we did. When we talked of a second, I imagined we'd have another boy--I always saw us with two boys--but figured it might have been because I didn't know what it was like to have a girl. Then when I got pregnant with our second (well, third if you count our miscarriage), I tried to prepare myself for the possibility of having a girl and everyone said girl and my symptoms said girl and my mind thought girl so much that I thought it had to be. I think maybe I wanted to know which this baby was so badly that I clung to it. So when I saw a boy inside of me, I was surprised and thrilled. (As a side note, I accidentally said "he" during our 12-week ultrasound and felt guilty for WEEKS since we didn't know. I think I'm extra sensitive to this whole not offending when it comes to gender). Anyway, after saying, "I can't stop puking so it's gotta be a girl!" for months, it took a moment to shift gears. And I gotta say, I think Eliot and his brother will have so much fun together. And I'm looking forward to not arguing over whether we'll watch Cars or a princess movie--instead it'll probably be arguing about Cars or Thomas, but at least they're more similar.
Friday, February 1, 2013
The Transition from Co-sleeping
I have written before about why we decided to co-sleep and also our sleep battles in attempts to transition Eliot out of our bed.
Did I mention that we've been transitioning Eliot to his "big boy" bed again?
After a year and nine months of co-sleeping, we transitioned him to his toddler mattress on our floor, which went OK. At the end of a week and a half, he would fall asleep in our bed, be moved over to his bed, and then we'd allow him back in our bed the second time he got up (the first time, I'd lay him back down).
After a little while, though, he got a terrible virus. He had to sleep elevated, which meant I had to hold him all night.
And then we were getting closer to selling our home. We were having at least a showing every other day (usually every day). Do you know how hard it is to get a mattress BACK ON a toddler bed without messing up the bed skirt? It's frustrating, especially when you're trying to keep the whole house clean for showings all the time. Arranging his floor bed set-up was kind of complicated with floor mats, lots of pillows, blankets, and so on. I knew when we moved, I'd have to do it all over again since we'd be in a new place, so we let him back in bed with us for a few months.
So, after we got settled into our new house, we bought Eliot a twin-sized mattress. That thing is comfyyy! I want to sleep on it all the time by myself! We've been working on the transition for about two weeks (or three? I can't remember!), and it honestly is going a TON smoother than last time.
Before, there were tears. A lot of tears. And he would NOT go to sleep in his own mattress even if I lay with him. He had to be in our bed to get to sleep at first, and he is a light sleeper, so moving him didn't always work.
Maybe last time he just wasn't quite ready. Maybe he understand more now. Maybe he likes his larger bed. I don't know, but this is how we have been doing it.
We made a big deal about picking out the mattress and getting sheets. Eliot doesn't have a favorite blanket or stuffed animal because I am his stuffed animal. Seriously. He cuddles my arm all night. So, I tried to find something similar to stand in for me. He has a crocodile from the aquarium.... That is kind of long like an arm. Also, he loves cars, so he has a Lightening McQueen pillow.
When it is bedtime, I tell him to go night-night. Sometimes he goes for the big boy bed; other times he tries to get in our bed, but I correct him and he lays down. We cuddle like usual until he falls asleep. He is a horrible sleeper and it takes forever for him to get in a deep sleep, so sometimes this takes 20 minutes and others more like an hour (or a dreaded two hours). When he is asleep, I replace my arm with the crocodile.
If he stirs and starts calling for me, I ignore him until he gets up. I used to lay with him, but I gradually distanced myself to the point where I just sit next to him to calm him down (and he nestles right back to sleep) or tell him from my bed that it is OK and to go back to sleep. If he does this twice and actually gets up, I let him in our bed. It is usually 3:00 am or later by then anyway, and I just can't keep getting up all night.
I am trying to be consistent and loving while also setting boundaries. It is taking a little while, but he has slept until 8:30 am by himself and sometimes he starts calling for me but soothes himself back to sleep without my help. Slowly making progress and no one is getting mad or crying all the time, and I think we're all happy.
My hope is that through consistency, we can slowly move him into his own room. I'm not stressing about kicking him out of our bedroom all the way before the baby comes. I think he might be able to sleep through the newborn cries, and we'll figure it out when we get there. I have found that when I am calm about a transition with Eliot, it goes a lot more smoothly than when I am putting pressure on the two of us and trying to meet a deadline. I learned that one while trying to figure out breastfeeding in the hospital, and I have tried not to forget it.
To be honest, I really loved having Eliot in bed with us--and still do--so if I can just get him to come snuggle in the morning, I'm counting that as a big time win.
Did I mention that we've been transitioning Eliot to his "big boy" bed again?
After a year and nine months of co-sleeping, we transitioned him to his toddler mattress on our floor, which went OK. At the end of a week and a half, he would fall asleep in our bed, be moved over to his bed, and then we'd allow him back in our bed the second time he got up (the first time, I'd lay him back down).
After a little while, though, he got a terrible virus. He had to sleep elevated, which meant I had to hold him all night.
And then we were getting closer to selling our home. We were having at least a showing every other day (usually every day). Do you know how hard it is to get a mattress BACK ON a toddler bed without messing up the bed skirt? It's frustrating, especially when you're trying to keep the whole house clean for showings all the time. Arranging his floor bed set-up was kind of complicated with floor mats, lots of pillows, blankets, and so on. I knew when we moved, I'd have to do it all over again since we'd be in a new place, so we let him back in bed with us for a few months.
So, after we got settled into our new house, we bought Eliot a twin-sized mattress. That thing is comfyyy! I want to sleep on it all the time by myself! We've been working on the transition for about two weeks (or three? I can't remember!), and it honestly is going a TON smoother than last time.
Before, there were tears. A lot of tears. And he would NOT go to sleep in his own mattress even if I lay with him. He had to be in our bed to get to sleep at first, and he is a light sleeper, so moving him didn't always work.
Maybe last time he just wasn't quite ready. Maybe he understand more now. Maybe he likes his larger bed. I don't know, but this is how we have been doing it.
We made a big deal about picking out the mattress and getting sheets. Eliot doesn't have a favorite blanket or stuffed animal because I am his stuffed animal. Seriously. He cuddles my arm all night. So, I tried to find something similar to stand in for me. He has a crocodile from the aquarium.... That is kind of long like an arm. Also, he loves cars, so he has a Lightening McQueen pillow.
When it is bedtime, I tell him to go night-night. Sometimes he goes for the big boy bed; other times he tries to get in our bed, but I correct him and he lays down. We cuddle like usual until he falls asleep. He is a horrible sleeper and it takes forever for him to get in a deep sleep, so sometimes this takes 20 minutes and others more like an hour (or a dreaded two hours). When he is asleep, I replace my arm with the crocodile.
If he stirs and starts calling for me, I ignore him until he gets up. I used to lay with him, but I gradually distanced myself to the point where I just sit next to him to calm him down (and he nestles right back to sleep) or tell him from my bed that it is OK and to go back to sleep. If he does this twice and actually gets up, I let him in our bed. It is usually 3:00 am or later by then anyway, and I just can't keep getting up all night.
My hope is that through consistency, we can slowly move him into his own room. I'm not stressing about kicking him out of our bedroom all the way before the baby comes. I think he might be able to sleep through the newborn cries, and we'll figure it out when we get there. I have found that when I am calm about a transition with Eliot, it goes a lot more smoothly than when I am putting pressure on the two of us and trying to meet a deadline. I learned that one while trying to figure out breastfeeding in the hospital, and I have tried not to forget it.
To be honest, I really loved having Eliot in bed with us--and still do--so if I can just get him to come snuggle in the morning, I'm counting that as a big time win.
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