The Return of Pregnancy Worry (but everything is OK!)

I've written previously about how I no longer felt worry during my pregnancy.  I knew it would come back eventually near the end due to my experience with having Eliot, but I didn't think I'd find myself so overwhelmed with anxiety so early.  I felt that worry yesterday.

At my 31-week appointment, I mentioned to my doctor that I had an emergency induction with Eliot due to low (almost NO) fluid.  I know it sounds overbearing, but I make it a point to tell every different doctor that I see because I regret not making a bigger fuss over it with Eliot.  With Eliot, I thought I had been losing fluid for about two weeks.  I even went to the hospital on New Year's Eve (contractions increasingly close together and painful for over 12 hours plus worries of losing fluid), but got sent home.  I called my doctor and spoke to the receptionist.  I told my nurse.  I told my doctor.  Everyone told me I was wrong.  That is, until I had an ultrasound when I was four days late.  And then the ultrasound tech didn't tell me anything.  At all.  She didn't even point out the heartbeat.  That's how I knew something was not right--because suddenly people weren't telling me I was wrong anymore.  Praise God, after an emergency induction, I delivered Eliot without any complications and he was perfectly healthy.  We had a few scary moments, but he and I were absolutely fine.

After that experience, though, I vowed to be the one to make a fuss (even though I had tried with Eliot).  I swore to be the one to make an even larger fuss until I am heard.  Fortunately, though, the doctors here seem to listen.  At my appointment, the doctor suggested that I have an ultrasound even though it wasn't planned.  He said we'd just check to the fluid to be safe.  Since it happened last time, I'm at risk for it occurring again.

I sat in the waiting room for about 45 minutes.  I called Chris and explained that it wasn't a big deal, no reason to worry, just a precaution.  As soon as I got off the phone with him, I ran through every scenario.  What if the fluid was already low?  What if I had to have a c-section immediately?  What if I had to have Jack this early and he couldn't come home with us?  What if Jack would be in the NICU for weeks and weeks?  How could I handle that, recover from surgery, and look after Eliot?  I was sick with worry--and I had no reason to be worried at all.

The lady called my name.  She had me explain the situation.  She was gentle and kind.  She said we'd check everything out.  Also, I had only gained a pound in three weeks, which had me worried (but the doctor didn't seem concerned), so she took all of Jack's measurements.

I thank God that everything was fine.  Jack is right on track.  He has plenty of fluid.  He even has a little bit of hair.  The tech pointed out that Jack was practicing breathing; she assured me that a baby in distress would not be doing that.  I could have hugged that ultrasound tech, but not because she gave me good news.  No, because she treated me so kindly and made me feel like I wasn't alone during a scary time.  I know my other tech with Eliot might have not been allowed to interpret the ultrasound for us (maybe the doctor wanted to reserve that for her), but she felt so distant.

This all does have me thinking a little more, though.  We're nine weeks out, but we don't have any diapers, the car seat isn't installed, our bags are not packed, and so many other last minute things remain undone.  It still is a bit early for that, but I think I'll try to get to those when I hit 36 weeks instead of waiting longer.

Also, I have been planning to be induced on or around my due date at 40 weeks because of my risk of low fluid.  The doctors have told me, though, that I can be induced at 39 weeks if I want.  I had been leaning more toward 40 to give my body time to gear up for birth itself.  Which is a bigger risk?  Waiting til 40 with the possibility of low fluid, Jack going into distress, and having an emergency c-section (my biggest fear with Eliot and now my biggest with Jack too)?  Or being induced at 39 weeks, my body not being as ready as it could be, having a tougher labor, and having a c-section because it is taking dangerously too long?  Ah, it's complicated.  I'll keep talking to the doctors and see how I progress as I get close to my due date.

By the way, I know natural is better and more preferred.  Believe me, the last thing I wanted with Eliot was a c-section and the second to last thing I wanted was to be induced.  For some reason, the ladies in my family seem to come late and still require being induced.  I would much rather have a natural birth with little to no interventions; however, low amniotic fluid is very dangerous for the baby, and I don't want to mess around with it at all.