Wednesday, March 20, 2013
We'll Get There
Eliot has been a happier boy today. Looking back, Chris and I have both been very busy over the past couple of weeks with work. B term courses had final grades due, C term was just at mid-term, and D term courses were starting, so we have been pulled in a lot of different directions with a lot of grading and work to do. This weird collision of sub-terms happens twice a year. Not only am I responsible for my grades, but also keeping up with my team of 25 professors as well. I absolutely love my job; it is so rewarding in so many ways. It's a dream job. The reality is that working from home and raising a toddler takes balance. I try to work when he is asleep, eating, or distracted, but sometimes we watch more tv than I'd like or he has to play by himself when he doesn't want to since I have deadlines. And that is just life--he can't always get what he wants. So, maybe he has been acting up a little more out of boredom too.
Eliot's sleep has been off even more than usual lately too. We're having inconsistently late nights, waking up for an hour or more at a time in the middle of the night, and sometimes very early mornings. It really wasn't his fault last night.... One of the dogs woke him up and he had a lot of trouble getting back to sleep. And I didn't listen to his request for milk--surely, he would just go back to sleep, right?
He's a good boy with a sensitive heart. He's been so "off" lately in so many different ways (sleeping, his eating habits even, and his little fits out of frustration), and I feel really bad that he is working through some toddler things, but I know he is learning and growing. We'll get there, him and me (and Chris too).
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Toddler Tantrums: Worst Parent Ever?
Eliot is such a sweet, kind, caring boy. He loves to give affection. I never thought he'd have meltdowns. Lately, though, I feel like I can't take him anywhere. His behavior hasn't been this atrocious since he got his first year molars in. Hmm...
It starts off well. Today we went to the mall. I haven't bought myself shoes in a year. It is growing more difficult for me to tie my shoes, so I thought I'd get myself some new slip-on Vans. I have one pair of Toms that I usually wear, but they are too tight. Eliot was a doll in the store. He loves riding the escalator. He walked and held our hands in the mall. He also HAD to hold the keys, but that's OK.
Then we were feeling a little hungry, so we got lunch. Eliot was curious about the food and played with his lunch with a fork, but didn't eat. First sign of trouble... Afterward, we went to the play area to let him run around. He was having so much fun, but when he seemed to be fine with leaving, we left. As soon as we stepped out of the play area, we ran into sign of trouble number two: those darn cars that you ride for a quarter. I wasn't going to start with that--it was crowded, I didn't have any change, and I knew he would never be happy about leaving. He got in one, pressed a couple of buttons, and then we left. He screamed, but I thought we'd be all right if we got away.
Chris took Eliot to Barnes and Noble to look at books. Eliot loved the books and wanted them all. We hadn't bought him a book in a while, so we picked out a couple. One on cars, one for the alphabet (I've been trying to work more on letters), and a Dinosaur Train coloring book. Chris went to pay while I kept reading him books. More trouble when it was time to leave.... He wanted all of the books and didn't want to pay for them. I got down to his level and looked him in the eye. I try to give him the words: "Eliot, you're angry because you like books. You want to keep the books. I like you liking books, but Daddy bought you three books. You just can't have these books right here, but we bought you three nice books that you can look at out there." I know you can't negotiate with meltdown-ers, but I find sometimes that engaging with him calms him down and maybe giving him the words can help him recognize the emotions he's feeling.
It didn't work this time. He cried and carried on. We carried him to the car; we let him walk to the car; we let him CARRY A BOOK to the car. When I thought we had calmed him down, he wanted to sit on the escalator, which couldn't happen and it all started again. Everything helped for a second, but then he'd be a wailing ball of tears and attracting everyone's glares all around us. Yep, that's my kid. Yep, I'm the worst parent ever.
We made it to the car. I gave him a snack. He refused to eat it. Not even three minutes later, he was eating his snack. He was hungry.... While it wasn't nap time yet, I am noticing that he has these meltdowns if we are out within a couple hours of nap time. And it is usually around lunch time (and I do offer him food, but he won't accept it....).
We got home. It was another fight getting him inside. He thinks he can drive the car and tries to get in every time we get home. Instead, I sack-of-potatoes carry him inside. He cries more. Chris puts him in time out to calm down while I make a smoothie for him and myself. He demands mine; I say they are the same; he doesn't believe me. I let him try mine and then he concludes (as I said) that he'd prefer his own. Chris reads a book to him.... Eliot chases the dogs around and I take him to bed for a nap even though he says he isn't tired. It is now 2:30 pm at this point--two hours straight of meltdown after meltdown.
It's like over night, he has been having some fits at home too. We thought it'd be fun to go for a walk. He loves running. We were having a great time, but every time we'd pass a house with a basketball goal, he thought he could go play with it. Not only are these not our basketball goals, but he didn't have a ball and is too small anyway. We tried to keep going, but he'd just keep screaming for the basketball goal even when we told him he could play with his at home. Eventually, we had to carry him home in tears. And then there's the garage.... Currently, our shed needs work, so our garage has a lot of not-baby-friendly items. And it also has a bag of sports balls. Eliot unlocks the garage door and goes in there to get every single ball. When we tell him to come back inside (it is cold out there, too!), he just loses it and cries at the door. Man! He just can't be out there all the time! And there's the car thing--he gets the keys, unlocks the front door, and says, "Bye bye, Ma. Car ride." When I tell him he can play with the keys, but he is NOT going to drive my car, he loses it. I'm sorry, but that just isn't up for negotiation. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy by not leaving the house and then I feel like we can't leave the house either because of his fits.
Eliot threw his first tantrum in the grocery store over a tomato (which he thought was a ball) when he was a year and a half-ish. So, I've been dealing with these fits for about nine months? I still feel embarrassed when it happens in public. Everyone stares.... I try to keep in mind that most of those people have been in the same place, so they probably aren't judging me. Some people smile with sympathy. And whenever I see a kid acting up, I always feel bad for the parent's awkward position.
I feel like Chris and I are pretty giving parents. We try to do fun things, provide Eliot with the best, and make sacrifices for his well-being. I know he doesn't understand, but I feel so frustrated when we try to do something fun (like go for a walk or buy books) and Eliot has tantrums over things I can't control. I always put him and his needs firsts. Why does he hateeee me?
He knows what he wants and loves to explore. He wants to try everything. He's independent and won't take my word on things--he has to know from his experience for sure. And when I tell him that he can't, he doesn't understand why. I guess we need to do more time outs and give him a place to cool down. Of course, I feel guilty like I'm the one to blame, like I haven't disciplined him enough or I'm not reacting to his tantrums the right way. I usually try to remove him from the situation and ignore him or I try to get on his level to give him the words. Sometimes distracting him helps. I'm just thankful that he isn't hitting, kicking, or biting (yet?). Does this ever end? Because I feel like it is getting worse....
It starts off well. Today we went to the mall. I haven't bought myself shoes in a year. It is growing more difficult for me to tie my shoes, so I thought I'd get myself some new slip-on Vans. I have one pair of Toms that I usually wear, but they are too tight. Eliot was a doll in the store. He loves riding the escalator. He walked and held our hands in the mall. He also HAD to hold the keys, but that's OK.
Then we were feeling a little hungry, so we got lunch. Eliot was curious about the food and played with his lunch with a fork, but didn't eat. First sign of trouble... Afterward, we went to the play area to let him run around. He was having so much fun, but when he seemed to be fine with leaving, we left. As soon as we stepped out of the play area, we ran into sign of trouble number two: those darn cars that you ride for a quarter. I wasn't going to start with that--it was crowded, I didn't have any change, and I knew he would never be happy about leaving. He got in one, pressed a couple of buttons, and then we left. He screamed, but I thought we'd be all right if we got away.
Chris took Eliot to Barnes and Noble to look at books. Eliot loved the books and wanted them all. We hadn't bought him a book in a while, so we picked out a couple. One on cars, one for the alphabet (I've been trying to work more on letters), and a Dinosaur Train coloring book. Chris went to pay while I kept reading him books. More trouble when it was time to leave.... He wanted all of the books and didn't want to pay for them. I got down to his level and looked him in the eye. I try to give him the words: "Eliot, you're angry because you like books. You want to keep the books. I like you liking books, but Daddy bought you three books. You just can't have these books right here, but we bought you three nice books that you can look at out there." I know you can't negotiate with meltdown-ers, but I find sometimes that engaging with him calms him down and maybe giving him the words can help him recognize the emotions he's feeling.
It didn't work this time. He cried and carried on. We carried him to the car; we let him walk to the car; we let him CARRY A BOOK to the car. When I thought we had calmed him down, he wanted to sit on the escalator, which couldn't happen and it all started again. Everything helped for a second, but then he'd be a wailing ball of tears and attracting everyone's glares all around us. Yep, that's my kid. Yep, I'm the worst parent ever.
We made it to the car. I gave him a snack. He refused to eat it. Not even three minutes later, he was eating his snack. He was hungry.... While it wasn't nap time yet, I am noticing that he has these meltdowns if we are out within a couple hours of nap time. And it is usually around lunch time (and I do offer him food, but he won't accept it....).
We got home. It was another fight getting him inside. He thinks he can drive the car and tries to get in every time we get home. Instead, I sack-of-potatoes carry him inside. He cries more. Chris puts him in time out to calm down while I make a smoothie for him and myself. He demands mine; I say they are the same; he doesn't believe me. I let him try mine and then he concludes (as I said) that he'd prefer his own. Chris reads a book to him.... Eliot chases the dogs around and I take him to bed for a nap even though he says he isn't tired. It is now 2:30 pm at this point--two hours straight of meltdown after meltdown.
Eliot threw his first tantrum in the grocery store over a tomato (which he thought was a ball) when he was a year and a half-ish. So, I've been dealing with these fits for about nine months? I still feel embarrassed when it happens in public. Everyone stares.... I try to keep in mind that most of those people have been in the same place, so they probably aren't judging me. Some people smile with sympathy. And whenever I see a kid acting up, I always feel bad for the parent's awkward position.
I feel like Chris and I are pretty giving parents. We try to do fun things, provide Eliot with the best, and make sacrifices for his well-being. I know he doesn't understand, but I feel so frustrated when we try to do something fun (like go for a walk or buy books) and Eliot has tantrums over things I can't control. I always put him and his needs firsts. Why does he hateeee me?
He knows what he wants and loves to explore. He wants to try everything. He's independent and won't take my word on things--he has to know from his experience for sure. And when I tell him that he can't, he doesn't understand why. I guess we need to do more time outs and give him a place to cool down. Of course, I feel guilty like I'm the one to blame, like I haven't disciplined him enough or I'm not reacting to his tantrums the right way. I usually try to remove him from the situation and ignore him or I try to get on his level to give him the words. Sometimes distracting him helps. I'm just thankful that he isn't hitting, kicking, or biting (yet?). Does this ever end? Because I feel like it is getting worse....
Friday, March 15, 2013
Dear Eliot: Two Years, Two Months
Dear Eliot,
I think I've settled into the idea of you being a two-year-old because I keep accidentally thinking you are two and a half years old since you will be that age when your brother comes this summer. So, to take a step back to two and two months, well, that seems less crazy. Plus, you seem to be doing everything lately, making you seem older. I barely remember you as a baby anyway--you've been so BOY for so long.
For a few months, you have been quite interested in making things talk. Your toys have conversations, your food talks, your feet even have something to say. Sometimes we'll be in the car and you'll demand, "Talk, you!" You're telling me to make your toy (or whatever) talk.
We've been working on numbers and sometimes you can get to four when counting things. You've always wanted to have two of everything (one for each hand), so it is no surprise that you love pointing out when you have two of things. Two crackers. Two arms. Two pacis (this looks funny and you knowww it). Two cars. Two shoes. Two feet. Oh yes. Your feet.... You tell us all the time about your two "baby feet" or your "Eliot feet". You love shoes; you hate socks. And you sometimes put your shoes on all by yourself!
I used to count your words as you learned them. I don't anymore (how could I?). And then I used to understand everything you were saying. I don't anymore because you are saying so many new words every day that I can't keep up as you learn to pronounce each word and phrase. I understand about 90% of what you say and other people understand about 70%, I think.
I think we can say that you are left-handed now for sure. You do everything with your left hand. I think that means that you are supposed to be more emotionally and creatively inclined. It shows! You are always drawing, coloring, painting, taking pictures (which you are amazing at), making music with a harmonica or piano, singing some song... You love doing everything that involves creativity. When getting ready for bed, sometimes you sing the lullaby that I have sung to you since you were born. You are crazy about taking photos with our phones (and the regular camera too) to the point that we are considering making you your own Instagram account. Also, when you draw, you often draw this weird spiral symbol. What is that? You won't tell me! You also draw sting ray families and sharks the most.
Your winter clothes are really getting snug on you, but I don't want to go buy you a new winter wardrobe with spring (hopefully) around the corner. These clothes are mostly 18-24 months, so it will soon be time to pick out some 2T clothes for the spring and summer. Clothes are confusing since you are taller than most boys your age, but you are also slimmer. I will miss some of your winter outfits, but you have been wearing some of them since the fall (that's six months or more), so we're getting more use out of your clothes now that you are a toddler.
You are such a big kid and help yourself to whatever you want or think you need. If I'm cooking, you pull a chair up next to me and "help". If you want something in the pantry, you push a chair to the door and get yourself a snack. You think hitting light switches is very awesome too, and we often find you standing on a chair while turning the lights off and on.
This month, you had your third professional haircut. Each time you get more and more relaxed. They just have to give you a lollipop and you sit still. It's awesome. After the lady brushed away all of the stray hairs, I realized that you truly are a dirty blond boy. All of your light, light blond hairs that had been bleached from the sun were clipped away and your natural, sandy hair was all that remained. This is the first time I've seen you with just darker hair because you didn't have hardly any hair at all last winter. You look adorable both ways, but it sure is funny how much your hair changes in the summer.
Your dad picked out this fox hat from Target for you this winter. He said he wanted something to really keep your head warm instead of the knit hats (with holes) that I often put on you. That makes sense, and you seem to appreciate it. You love your fox hat. When we leave the house (especially if it is windy), you remind us to put your fox hat on. One time when we were drawing together, you asked me to draw you. I did and you pointed to your head and asked, "Fox hat?" Yes, I had to draw the fox hat on your head for you.
We've tried to spend some time at the beach when it is at least a little warm. I wasn't sure how you'd react because last summer you were scared at first. When we went on Christmas day, you seemed afraid too, but it was really cold and windy. This time, though, you loved it. You played in the sand, chased the seagulls, and flirted with the waves. You begged us to let you "TOUCH IT," so we'd hold you up and over the water. Eventually, I got caught by a wave. And it was colddd. But you loved it, so it was worth it. This spring, we'll go back more, even if it is too cold to play in the water.
It is growing more difficult to read to you because you want to read yourself! You love to bring us book and will tolerate being read to for a while, but then you take the book and finish it up for us.
You're showing some signs of being interested in potty training, but we aren't taking the plunge quite yet. Sometimes you tell us when you have a diaper and try to take off your pants. And here's an embarrassing one for you in the future. One time in the tub, you looked at me very concerned. "Ew," you said. "I pee pee in the water." Nice sentence, buddy!
This month, you had your first metro ride into DC. It didn't quite go as planned since the metro was being worked on, it was freezing to the point that it snowed some flurries, and we took you out way past nap time. However, we had fun in the end and you loved looking at the dinosaur bones at the museum and taking pictures of everything. On the metro, you kept saying, "All aboard!" and I had no idea that you even knew that phrase.
Your favorite movies are Cars and Cars 2 still. Boy, it has been a year since you fell in love with these movies. You really love the characters from Finding Nemo still and ask to watch Nemo Cars in bed, but if I put on Nemo instead of Cars, you protest. "No! Cars! Mater!" and get the remote to change it. Goodness, boy! It has been a year of Cars!
Eliot, you are so smart and intuitive. I can't believe all the things you do, say, and figure out. When you were a newborn, I was afraid that I wouldn't be good enough for you. I was afraid I would hold you back. I hung on to each milestone as a sign that I was doing OK at being a mom. But you have made it so easy. We love you, boy, and I can't believe how quickly the time has gone.
I think I've settled into the idea of you being a two-year-old because I keep accidentally thinking you are two and a half years old since you will be that age when your brother comes this summer. So, to take a step back to two and two months, well, that seems less crazy. Plus, you seem to be doing everything lately, making you seem older. I barely remember you as a baby anyway--you've been so BOY for so long.
For a few months, you have been quite interested in making things talk. Your toys have conversations, your food talks, your feet even have something to say. Sometimes we'll be in the car and you'll demand, "Talk, you!" You're telling me to make your toy (or whatever) talk.
I used to count your words as you learned them. I don't anymore (how could I?). And then I used to understand everything you were saying. I don't anymore because you are saying so many new words every day that I can't keep up as you learn to pronounce each word and phrase. I understand about 90% of what you say and other people understand about 70%, I think.
I think we can say that you are left-handed now for sure. You do everything with your left hand. I think that means that you are supposed to be more emotionally and creatively inclined. It shows! You are always drawing, coloring, painting, taking pictures (which you are amazing at), making music with a harmonica or piano, singing some song... You love doing everything that involves creativity. When getting ready for bed, sometimes you sing the lullaby that I have sung to you since you were born. You are crazy about taking photos with our phones (and the regular camera too) to the point that we are considering making you your own Instagram account. Also, when you draw, you often draw this weird spiral symbol. What is that? You won't tell me! You also draw sting ray families and sharks the most.
Your winter clothes are really getting snug on you, but I don't want to go buy you a new winter wardrobe with spring (hopefully) around the corner. These clothes are mostly 18-24 months, so it will soon be time to pick out some 2T clothes for the spring and summer. Clothes are confusing since you are taller than most boys your age, but you are also slimmer. I will miss some of your winter outfits, but you have been wearing some of them since the fall (that's six months or more), so we're getting more use out of your clothes now that you are a toddler.
This month, you had your third professional haircut. Each time you get more and more relaxed. They just have to give you a lollipop and you sit still. It's awesome. After the lady brushed away all of the stray hairs, I realized that you truly are a dirty blond boy. All of your light, light blond hairs that had been bleached from the sun were clipped away and your natural, sandy hair was all that remained. This is the first time I've seen you with just darker hair because you didn't have hardly any hair at all last winter. You look adorable both ways, but it sure is funny how much your hair changes in the summer.
Your dad picked out this fox hat from Target for you this winter. He said he wanted something to really keep your head warm instead of the knit hats (with holes) that I often put on you. That makes sense, and you seem to appreciate it. You love your fox hat. When we leave the house (especially if it is windy), you remind us to put your fox hat on. One time when we were drawing together, you asked me to draw you. I did and you pointed to your head and asked, "Fox hat?" Yes, I had to draw the fox hat on your head for you.
We've tried to spend some time at the beach when it is at least a little warm. I wasn't sure how you'd react because last summer you were scared at first. When we went on Christmas day, you seemed afraid too, but it was really cold and windy. This time, though, you loved it. You played in the sand, chased the seagulls, and flirted with the waves. You begged us to let you "TOUCH IT," so we'd hold you up and over the water. Eventually, I got caught by a wave. And it was colddd. But you loved it, so it was worth it. This spring, we'll go back more, even if it is too cold to play in the water.
It is growing more difficult to read to you because you want to read yourself! You love to bring us book and will tolerate being read to for a while, but then you take the book and finish it up for us.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
24 Weeks
Sometimes I feel like I update too much, but when looking back on posts (even just a few months later), I've never regretted writing "too much" or "too frequently".
I'm feeling pretty OK! My back hurts occasionally, but not like it did before with that pinched nerve feeling. I'm tired a lot, but what else is new? Fortunately, my headaches subsided. A week or so ago, I had such a bad one that I lost my vision for about 30 minutes. The headache lasted for three days. So glad that didn't become the norm.
I am seeing Jack kick a lot. Yes, seeing. It is one of my favorite things... To see him kick from the outside. With Eliot, Chris would always seem to miss it, but Chris has seen Jack tumble around a few times now. Eliot felt Jack kick last night. He giggled and said it tickled.
At this point, I am at 11 pounds gained, which I think is a good place. I think... It is hard to think of things I want to eat (other than sweets, which is really not like me), so I've been making menus for the week. That way I have ideas for dinner even if I don't necessarily feel like any of it. At least then we can all agree on something instead of me shrugging a lot. I fill up fast and don't eat large portions, so late at night, I am hungry for fourth meal. This happened with Eliot too--I used to go downstairs every morning at 4:00 am to have a bowl of cereal. Like a newborn myself, I couldn't make it through the night without eating. So, I bought myself some cereal and started having fourth meal around 10:00 pm. Hopefully that will hold me over through the night. And cereal makes sense, you know, since some people put cereal in babe's milk to help them sleep longer. (That was a joke, by the way).
Maybe it was the nice couple days of weather or maybe it's nesting, but I've been cleaning cleaning cleaning as much as I can. I still feel like I'm barely keeping up with Eliot's usual messes and the extra dog messes (we're dogsitting both my parents' dogs and my in-laws' dog, so our house is one big, slobbery, barking mess!). That's OK, though. The house generally looks tidy, just never spotless. On Saturday, I cleaned both bathrooms (including scrubbing the floors), did two loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, swept and vacuumed the whole house, picked up the stray toys, made lunch, and gave Eliot a bath all before noon (and I showered too!).
We met Chris's parents in Richmond today for brunch, so we stopped by Williamsburg for the Carter's outlet on the way home. We picked out a couple of tank tops for Eliot for the summer and also three rompers for Jack. The funny thing is that Jack's rompers are the same length as Eliot's shirts, so that means Jack will be about the size of Eliot's torso? Ha! They're going to be so cute this summer.
Twenty four weeks, huh? Sixteen remain? A little less than four months? That sounds like a lot in some ways, but it means in four months, our lives will be changed yet again by a beautiful boy--this time, named Jack. I am so excited. SO excited.
I'm feeling pretty OK! My back hurts occasionally, but not like it did before with that pinched nerve feeling. I'm tired a lot, but what else is new? Fortunately, my headaches subsided. A week or so ago, I had such a bad one that I lost my vision for about 30 minutes. The headache lasted for three days. So glad that didn't become the norm.
I am seeing Jack kick a lot. Yes, seeing. It is one of my favorite things... To see him kick from the outside. With Eliot, Chris would always seem to miss it, but Chris has seen Jack tumble around a few times now. Eliot felt Jack kick last night. He giggled and said it tickled.
At this point, I am at 11 pounds gained, which I think is a good place. I think... It is hard to think of things I want to eat (other than sweets, which is really not like me), so I've been making menus for the week. That way I have ideas for dinner even if I don't necessarily feel like any of it. At least then we can all agree on something instead of me shrugging a lot. I fill up fast and don't eat large portions, so late at night, I am hungry for fourth meal. This happened with Eliot too--I used to go downstairs every morning at 4:00 am to have a bowl of cereal. Like a newborn myself, I couldn't make it through the night without eating. So, I bought myself some cereal and started having fourth meal around 10:00 pm. Hopefully that will hold me over through the night. And cereal makes sense, you know, since some people put cereal in babe's milk to help them sleep longer. (That was a joke, by the way).
Maybe it was the nice couple days of weather or maybe it's nesting, but I've been cleaning cleaning cleaning as much as I can. I still feel like I'm barely keeping up with Eliot's usual messes and the extra dog messes (we're dogsitting both my parents' dogs and my in-laws' dog, so our house is one big, slobbery, barking mess!). That's OK, though. The house generally looks tidy, just never spotless. On Saturday, I cleaned both bathrooms (including scrubbing the floors), did two loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, swept and vacuumed the whole house, picked up the stray toys, made lunch, and gave Eliot a bath all before noon (and I showered too!).
We met Chris's parents in Richmond today for brunch, so we stopped by Williamsburg for the Carter's outlet on the way home. We picked out a couple of tank tops for Eliot for the summer and also three rompers for Jack. The funny thing is that Jack's rompers are the same length as Eliot's shirts, so that means Jack will be about the size of Eliot's torso? Ha! They're going to be so cute this summer.
Twenty four weeks, huh? Sixteen remain? A little less than four months? That sounds like a lot in some ways, but it means in four months, our lives will be changed yet again by a beautiful boy--this time, named Jack. I am so excited. SO excited.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Sorting Through the Letters
I post my monthly letters to Eliot here in place of a baby book. However, I also bind them as a Blurb book. I did pretty all right keeping up with it for Eliot's first year, but it was kind of hard to maintain this second year. The photos and Blurb software are all on another computer, which my cat broke the screen to, so I have remote desktop in and it takes a whileeee.
Anyway, I've been playing "catch up" over the past few days to get his second book together before I get too behind on his third book. I decided to aim to do two letters a day, which would have me caught up in a week. I need manageable goals.
Over the past few days, I've read over letters following his first birthday. I remembered the magic of him learning to walk, climb, and run. I aww-ed over his beautiful face. And I laughed at how I was so excited for his "hair to finally be coming in" because when I wrote that, he was still so, so, so incredibly bald. I remembered sunshine, trips to the parks, and hopes for summer.
At the same time, I remembered all of the things that I didn't write to Eliot. I remembered our hopes for having a second baby, our heartbreak through the process of losing one, the difficult summer we had when so many of our family members continually were being hospitalized, the frustration Chris and I felt over trying to move, the stress of writing a dissertation.... To be honest, we went through a hard season without an end in sight. I felt overwhelmed. I felt crowded and alone. Life is full of seasons, though, and I am thankful that time is over. We may enter a difficult time again in the future, but for now life is much more calm.
Sometimes I worry about "starting over" with Jack (as I've said before) because Eliot is so much fun now. It's nice to look back and remember how I have gushed over Eliot so much since the beginning too. I have to remember to keep writing for my sons. I treasure those letters, memories, and records of milestones already and it hasn't even been that long. I love both of my boys so much (and Jack isn't even here yet).
Anyway, I've been playing "catch up" over the past few days to get his second book together before I get too behind on his third book. I decided to aim to do two letters a day, which would have me caught up in a week. I need manageable goals.
Over the past few days, I've read over letters following his first birthday. I remembered the magic of him learning to walk, climb, and run. I aww-ed over his beautiful face. And I laughed at how I was so excited for his "hair to finally be coming in" because when I wrote that, he was still so, so, so incredibly bald. I remembered sunshine, trips to the parks, and hopes for summer.
I want to remember every moment and every detail,
but I know I can't,
but I know I can't,
so I write letters
to my future, grown boys
about things they won't remember
in hopes that they will know
that I always loved them with all I have.
to my future, grown boys
about things they won't remember
in hopes that they will know
that I always loved them with all I have.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Things That Scare Me About Two Babes
It's no secret that it took a while for Chris and me to get where we are with our second babe on the way. I know it isn't that abnormal, but it did take about ten months (I think?) in the end to get our positive test. What I'm trying to say is that we thought about having a second baby a lot. A lot a lot. So when people ask now if I'm nervous about having two, I generally say no--I've only been able to focus on how incredibly thankful I am to be where we are in this pregnancy.
The truth is, though, that there are aspects of having two that scare me.
Starting over? It has taken so long to get to this point with Eliot. He can communicate, he eats, he sleeps about the same time, he is capable of going off places and having fun, he has most of his teeth, and he doesn't get upset when he is dropped off with someone for babysitting for a little bit (which happens once a week). We worked through so many phases, and now I'll have to start again with another human while trying to keep on teaching this human how to be a normal, functioning person? That sounds like a steep order.
But then I remind myself that some stages with Eliot when he was younger were EASIER than now. Like when we took him camping when he was only three months old. Yeah, it was easier then than it would be now. And when we would go to restaurants, Eliot mostly slept or was just held by someone. He wasn't crawling under the table like he does now (Is it socially acceptable to let your toddler sit under the table? Because I do...). Newborns are a handful but for different kinds of hands. And toddlers are a handful but in a totally different way.
Eliot's "baby"-like tendencies. I haven't been too pushy with Eliot when it comes to "baby" things that other parents might take away. And those parents probably think I'm nuts--but that is OK. He still has milk (and only milk) in a bottle--sounds weird, but he refuses to drink milk out of a cup. We are still in the process of transitioning him with his big boy bed (I mean, he isn't in his own room yet with it). He still uses a paci when he sleeps (otherwise, he grinds his teeth), is in the car, and when he gets hurt. And he isn't potty trained (which I don't think is a big deal at all). However, what happens when he isn't allowed to have a bottle and then he sees Jack with one? Or if we take his paci away all together only to realize we gave it to Jack? Is he going to freak out?
But then I remind myself that I have allowed Eliot these "baby" things because I am waiting for the right time. I decided not to push him, so I don't need to give myself a four-month deadline to restrict him just because a new baby is coming. He can still be a baby too for a while longer if he needs to.
Will I be enough? I'm sure every parent struggles with this. Can I provide enough love and attention to two boys with two very different needs? Eliot is quite independent in many ways, but he is incredibly affectionate. He loves to cuddle while watching TV. Can I still give that to him? When he goes down for a nap or to bed at night, I have to lay with him for at least 20 minutes. Will that be possible with a newborn? I will feel stretched and divided. And newborns gotta eat a lot and frequently--at least Eliot nursed alllll the fricken time.
But then I remind myself that millions of mothers have small children and also infants. It will take balancing and it might be hard at first, but we will figure it out together. Also, I'm so lucky that Chris works from home, so if Eliot needs someone to lay with him to go to bed, well, Chris can do that too. And maybe we'll get lucky and Eliot will transition to more independent sleep before Jack arrives.
How will Chris transition? Again, another worry that I'm sure all mothers have, but moreso with their first babies. I worried how Chris would handle a newborn when I had Eliot. However, he took to Eliot right away and loved doing everything he could to help. I guess I worry that he might be a little spoiled with Eliot because the kid runs and plays and hits baseballs. It's easy to entertain Eliot. A newborn might be more difficult. I don't want it to turn into Eliot is Chris's boy and Jack is Katie's baby. I don't want assigned kids--I want us to parent both together.
But then I remind myself that Chris would stay up late with Eliot (way later than I could stay awake) when he was a newborn, just the two of them. Then I could sleep some until Eliot was ready to nurse. Chris is a wonderful dad. It might take a moment to re-group when Jack comes, but we'll be OK!
What about Eliot? Eliot has been the center of our world for two years. When Jack comes, attention will have to be divided. Will Eliot see Jack as competition and a distraction from his wants? Will there be jealousy? What if Eliot hates the baby?
But then I remind myself that this is another challenge that so many parents before me have faced. I should expect there to be some jealousy issues, but it's nothing we can't work with. Eventually, it will get to the point that none of us remember what it was like without Jack, and Eliot will strike a balance. Plus, Eliot loves everything baby ("Oh! Baby duck! Baby dinosaur! Baby fish!"). Everythinggg that is small is also a baby to him, so he probably will like a human baby all right too after we get settled. Also, having a little brother will help Eliot grow and mature because he will have to learn sooner or later that the world doesn't revolve around him.
I'm sure every worry I have is normal. I'm sure it will be difficult some days, but we will get there. It occurs to me that every thing that scares me is concerning the transition of welcoming Jack into our family, and I know from experience that this kind of transition is scary at first but then is over before you realize it. For every person who asks how in the world will I handle two, there's someone else out there who has done it and says we'll be fine. (And two at once really isn't that many....)
The truth is, though, that there are aspects of having two that scare me.
Starting over? It has taken so long to get to this point with Eliot. He can communicate, he eats, he sleeps about the same time, he is capable of going off places and having fun, he has most of his teeth, and he doesn't get upset when he is dropped off with someone for babysitting for a little bit (which happens once a week). We worked through so many phases, and now I'll have to start again with another human while trying to keep on teaching this human how to be a normal, functioning person? That sounds like a steep order.
But then I remind myself that some stages with Eliot when he was younger were EASIER than now. Like when we took him camping when he was only three months old. Yeah, it was easier then than it would be now. And when we would go to restaurants, Eliot mostly slept or was just held by someone. He wasn't crawling under the table like he does now (Is it socially acceptable to let your toddler sit under the table? Because I do...). Newborns are a handful but for different kinds of hands. And toddlers are a handful but in a totally different way.
Eliot's "baby"-like tendencies. I haven't been too pushy with Eliot when it comes to "baby" things that other parents might take away. And those parents probably think I'm nuts--but that is OK. He still has milk (and only milk) in a bottle--sounds weird, but he refuses to drink milk out of a cup. We are still in the process of transitioning him with his big boy bed (I mean, he isn't in his own room yet with it). He still uses a paci when he sleeps (otherwise, he grinds his teeth), is in the car, and when he gets hurt. And he isn't potty trained (which I don't think is a big deal at all). However, what happens when he isn't allowed to have a bottle and then he sees Jack with one? Or if we take his paci away all together only to realize we gave it to Jack? Is he going to freak out?
But then I remind myself that I have allowed Eliot these "baby" things because I am waiting for the right time. I decided not to push him, so I don't need to give myself a four-month deadline to restrict him just because a new baby is coming. He can still be a baby too for a while longer if he needs to.
Will I be enough? I'm sure every parent struggles with this. Can I provide enough love and attention to two boys with two very different needs? Eliot is quite independent in many ways, but he is incredibly affectionate. He loves to cuddle while watching TV. Can I still give that to him? When he goes down for a nap or to bed at night, I have to lay with him for at least 20 minutes. Will that be possible with a newborn? I will feel stretched and divided. And newborns gotta eat a lot and frequently--at least Eliot nursed alllll the fricken time.
But then I remind myself that millions of mothers have small children and also infants. It will take balancing and it might be hard at first, but we will figure it out together. Also, I'm so lucky that Chris works from home, so if Eliot needs someone to lay with him to go to bed, well, Chris can do that too. And maybe we'll get lucky and Eliot will transition to more independent sleep before Jack arrives.
How will Chris transition? Again, another worry that I'm sure all mothers have, but moreso with their first babies. I worried how Chris would handle a newborn when I had Eliot. However, he took to Eliot right away and loved doing everything he could to help. I guess I worry that he might be a little spoiled with Eliot because the kid runs and plays and hits baseballs. It's easy to entertain Eliot. A newborn might be more difficult. I don't want it to turn into Eliot is Chris's boy and Jack is Katie's baby. I don't want assigned kids--I want us to parent both together.
But then I remind myself that Chris would stay up late with Eliot (way later than I could stay awake) when he was a newborn, just the two of them. Then I could sleep some until Eliot was ready to nurse. Chris is a wonderful dad. It might take a moment to re-group when Jack comes, but we'll be OK!
What about Eliot? Eliot has been the center of our world for two years. When Jack comes, attention will have to be divided. Will Eliot see Jack as competition and a distraction from his wants? Will there be jealousy? What if Eliot hates the baby?
But then I remind myself that this is another challenge that so many parents before me have faced. I should expect there to be some jealousy issues, but it's nothing we can't work with. Eventually, it will get to the point that none of us remember what it was like without Jack, and Eliot will strike a balance. Plus, Eliot loves everything baby ("Oh! Baby duck! Baby dinosaur! Baby fish!"). Everythinggg that is small is also a baby to him, so he probably will like a human baby all right too after we get settled. Also, having a little brother will help Eliot grow and mature because he will have to learn sooner or later that the world doesn't revolve around him.
I'm sure every worry I have is normal. I'm sure it will be difficult some days, but we will get there. It occurs to me that every thing that scares me is concerning the transition of welcoming Jack into our family, and I know from experience that this kind of transition is scary at first but then is over before you realize it. For every person who asks how in the world will I handle two, there's someone else out there who has done it and says we'll be fine. (And two at once really isn't that many....)
Friday, March 8, 2013
Style Attempts: Maternity Ed. 2. Taking Time for the Details
When you have a newborn, the ultimate goal for the day is to survive. Baby is alive? Check. You're alive? Check. Success.
Sometimes it is hard enough just to eat, let alone shower, get dressed, style your hair, and do your make-up. Eventually, life calms down. You fall into a routine. And sometimes, if you're like me, you forget to include yourself in that routine.
When you're pregnant (and especially if you have another babe already), you start feeling outside of yourself. Taking time to maintain the "details," like your hair and make-up, can make all the difference. It does for me, at least.
I work from home. My husband works from home. I have a two-year-old son who entertains himself. Why do I still feel guilty when I take a bath? Or when I blow dry my hair? I get too involved in trying to take care of everyone else that I forget about the small things to take care of myself.
In our old house, it was kind of difficult to get ready with Eliot. That meant going upstairs, which would result in him crying to come along. And if I did bring him with me, he'd surely be trying to climb down the stairs. Irony... Kinda hard to do one's hair and make-up. However, our new house is a ranch. So now Eliot just runs around where he wants to. And I don't feel so guilty because I can do my hair and make-up in the hall bathroom where he can come visit me if he wants or go do something else. He is very interested in my eyeliner especially because he thinks it is a pen, so sometimes I have him put on my face moisturizer or some of Chris's aftershave to make him feel like he is involved.
So often, I would decide to "sacrifice" doing my make-up in the interest of getting us out the door faster. However, I timed myself. It takes me three minutes to do my make-up. I only put on a little eye shadow, eye liner, and mascara (I'm a minimalist and also don't know what I'm doing, really), but those three minutes make such a difference in how I feel about myself. I'm worth those three minutes (and more!).
As for my hair, well, it had grown long. Really long. And I usually let it air dry, blow-dry my "bangs" and curl them if I'm feeling fancy, and spray in this product to help it form some waves for texture. It didn't take long, but I was feeling kind of ratty. I needed a trim (and then some).
And I realized that I hadn't cut my hair since September 2011 (see entry here) and the time before that had been a year. Never again, friends. Every time I thought about getting my hair cut, I felt so guilty. I'd be taking time away from Eliot. I'd be taking up time we could have together as a family doing something fun. I almost didn't do it today, even, but Chris practically pushed me out the door because he knew it was important to me.
I got four inches off and yet my hair still manages to look long (which I was hoping for) and the curls are sticking again since I have less weight and split ends. I didn't even blow dry my hair all the way, so I'm sure I could easily get it looking even better with minimal effort. I should have done this a long time ago.
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