Stepping on Dinosaurs in the Night

Before I had kids, I vowed that I wouldn't be one of those parents cursing over stepping on toys in the dark.  Oh no.  My kids wouldn't leave out toys--and if they did, I'd clean them up and keep a tidy home.

They say you know the most about parenting before you have kids, because once you have them, you realize how complicated kids are--there aren't clear answers to all situations.  However, I have kept true to that vow.  When I step on a dinosaur on the floor, I stop and, with all of my heart, I thank God for that little boy who left his dinosaurs out yet again.  When I step on a car, I thank God that I get to see my boy's eyes light up when he slides a car across the floor.

Eliot at 12 months

Eliot at two years

I don't always have the answers, but I try to keep my heart in the right place.  I see my boys as precious, fragile gifts that I have been entrusted with.  I aim to build them up and strengthen them.  I never want to be the one that tears them down because so many others in the world are too ready to do that.  My biggest fear is that I will hurt them or break their spirits.  (That isn't to say that I don't discipline them or correct them.  Discipline is important and I aim to be firm to build their character; consistency makes all the difference, but in a way that builds their confidence, not breaks them down)

When I watch Eliot playing or Jack kicking his legs, it is easy to let out a sigh and acknowledge how precious and sweet they are.  When Eliot is acting so extra energetic before bed and saying his usual, "I CAN'T go to bed in my room," and I am tired from a long, long day, I remind myself that it is my job to build him up and not lose my patience.  When Jack is screaming for some unknown reason and I am sore from feeding him on the hour, I remind myself that I am so very lucky to be able to nurse him.  I remind myself that I have been entrusted with these precious, sensitive boys with beautiful hearts, and it is my job to protect them and build them up.

I love these boys as individuals and them together.  I pray each morning that the words I say to them build them into loving, empathetic, caring, good people.  No, I don't have all the answers at all, but I'm learning and doing my best.  I'm intentional in how I parent them, and I am critical of myself.  And I know my best can never be "good enough," but with a little bit of grace, I think we'll get there together, the four of us, as a family.