Dear Jack: One Month

Dear Jack,

I can hardly believe that it is already time to write this letter.  It feels like you have been with us for just two weeks, not a whole month.  At the same time, I struggle to remember what it was like being pregnant--you and I have recovered and transitioned quickly.

Before I had you, I worried about how I could adjust to having two little boys instead of one.  I loved you already and we had been praying for you for nearly a year and a half, but I didn't know if I'd be good enough for two boys.  But as soon as I saw you, my heart must have doubled in size because I love you two so deeply.  Caring for the two of you is so completely opposite, and I love you both for all of your differences.  Your brother is special to me because he was my first born and he turned me into a mother.  I love you because you are my second (and likely last) baby, the one who came after we experienced loss.  That loss too changed me and how I saw the world and understood life.  When you came, you healed my heart in ways that I didn't think was possible.

I am amazed by how we have settled into our little family of four.  Your brother is crazy about you and calls you his best friend.  Your dad is visibly more relaxed with taking care of you since this is the second time around.  Sure, we've had to re-learn many aspects of having a newborn, but I think we all have more peace and less worry.  I can't believe how easily we've all grown together.

You've been a pretty easy baby overall.  You nurse well and frequently.  You like to eat on the hour, but I have been trying to push you closer to two hours.  Sometimes that doesn't work out.  After you eat, you nestle in next to me and look so peaceful.  Unfortunately, that doesn't last because you usually need to spit up after you eat (even if I burp you right away).  We're slowly working through this, and I think it's getting better.  I hope you grow out of it over the next couple of months.

You are certainly growing a lot, though.  You grew out of your newborn onesies after just two weeks!

You're an alert little guy.  You love looking around and sometimes get bored just with hanging out on my lap.  You love being outside and looking up at the trees.  Your dad loves reading to you and your brother, and you really seem to enjoy it already.  When I get extra lazy, your dad walks you around the house.  He calls the Ergo carrier his secret weapon.  He likes to wear you up front and walk around so you can stare up at him and the lights in the house.  Sometimes he gets you to sleep at night this way.

I love seeing your inquisitive eyes looking up at me.  You lock eyes with me with an expression of absolute trust because you know nothing else in your innocence.

You usually take a long nap in the mid to late afternoon.  Then you wake up around dinner time.  During this nap, you wake up to eat every couple of hours, but you rest up for around five hours!  I joke that if I just had you to look after, I could get so much done around the house and would be incredibly bored.  Then you go to sleep for the night around 10:00 pm.  You wake every couple of hours or so at night to eat, and get up for the day around 8:00 am or so.  As you can see, your schedule is pretty predictable, which is such a blessing.  You set this routine yourself (I'm not good enough with baby schedules to establish one).

You're growing up on me fast.  I try to do tummy time with you each day, but sometimes it is hard to fit it in between you sleeping, eating, and waiting cautiously for you to spit up.  However, you don't seem to mind it at all.  Some babies hate it....  Maybe it doesn't hurt that you often have a partner.  Eliot likes to lay with you, hold your hand, and point out all of the animals on your play gym.

After you turned two weeks old, we started trying to take you and Eliot out on adventures.  It was about time because I was so bored!  You have been to the aquarium, a petting zoo, the bay to see sea turtles released, and to the Virginia Zoo.  During each of these outings, you just slept the whole time, which made it all quite manageable, but I do look forward to the days when you will be more aware when we do fun things.

 

You have grown so much in just this one month.  I am learning your different cries and what they mean.  I am learning how to balance all of the pieces of my life--both new and old.  I look forward to watching you grow, but I know that there is no going back and no photos or movie clips will make me remember how it felt to hold your tiny body.