Growing Boys

I feel like I should save some of this for Jack's eight-month letter in about a week, but so much has been changing for the boys lately.

Eliot had his three-year well visit the other day.  I'm happy to say that he is on track with everything.  They even gave him a vision test, which he did well on.  I'm pretty relieved about that because I got my first pair of glasses when I was six.  Chris's vision is perfect, but it is still something I know I will need to look out for with the boys.

I'm always just slightly concerned about Eliot's weight because he is such a skinny little dude.  He eats decent and what I call "moody," but the doctor said his weight (and BMI) are absolutely fine.  And he's still rather tall too.

Part of the reason for the visit was to fill out some forms for school....  This fall, we will be enrolling Eliot in preschool.  He will be three years and eight months.  It seems a ways off, so my brain is OK with it, but they're already starting applications.  This way, Eliot will have two years of pre-school before kindergarten.  I want to give him every advantage I can.  He is smart, creative, imaginative, and so sweet.  I am hopeful that pre-school will help him to blossom socially and intellectually in ways that I find limitations.  It will break my heart to say good-bye to him and send him off into the cycle of "schooling" that will continue for the next fifteen years (or longer since he will be going to college--no arguments).  It won't be easy, but it will be so good for him.  And it's only three days a week for three hours.

Something just happens to babies after six months.  Maybe it is the inevitable mobility.  Maybe it is some cognitive developmental milestones.  I don't know all the way, but Jack has become Jack lately.  He has clear interests.  His personality is so clear.  And he looks like such a big boy.  No wonder:  he is mostly wearing 12-month clothes.  I was going through some of Eliot's old shorts....  The 18 month shorts fit Jack so much better than the 12 month shorts!  Ah!

Jack has always loved baths.  I usually give Jack and Eliot a bath together.  Then I take Jack out to get him dressed while I let Eliot continue to play.  Well, tonight Jack crawled from the den, around the corner, down the hall, and into the bathroom in attempts of getting back in the tub with Eliot, giggling all the way.  He did this three times....  He is just crazy about water.  So cute.

It isn't always easy being the best that I can for these two boys.  Most of the time, they both need something at the same time and I feel pulled in various directions.  Oftentimes, one of them is upset about something.  Sometimes they're both upset at the same time.  I try to find the right balance.  I try to not get tired or impatient or discouraged.  Getting out and about more often has helped a lot, even if getting out results in Jack crying because he's mad about cars existing or Eliot is upset because he wants to stay home to pet the cat.  I think we're all cooped up....  And the sun coming back has been awesome too.  I love watching them together.  I love sharing the world with them.

Seasons

In six days, we leave for Florida.  I cannot wait.  Eliot is so excited to go to Disney World.  We will get to see some family.  And Chris is looking forward to seeing palm trees everywhere.  More than anything, though, I am just excited to be warm.

I just keeping thinking that after we get back, we will be moving along into spring with warmer days and fun adventures ahead.

I think about last summer when it was hard for me to go to the beach--I always felt nauseous in the heat.  I remember being two weeks from my induction date and feeling.so.big and ready to be done.

One of Jack's first outings was to the bay to see two sea turtles released.

I didn't want to take Jack to the beach too much and expose him to the heat, so we spent most of our days in the backyard hiding beneath a poolside umbrella while Chris and Eliot played in the pool.  And maybe we seemed pretty silly to plant palm trees, but I have to say...  Being able to feel like I am out someplace tropical or at the beach made me feel so much better while I was adjusting to a new baby and not really able to get out of the house much.  If we felt cooped up or overwhelmed, I just let Eliot go play on the pool steps (and Chris swam with him every.single.day) and I could pretend that I was at a resort.  Palm tree therapy.  Really, it should be a thing.

I can't wait for beach trips this year.  It doesn't even necessarily have to be warm enough to swim.  I love just letting Eliot go run up and down the beach and dig in the "big sandbox," as he calls it.  We were pretty spoiled this fall and winter and got a few warm beach days in.

Last summer was a little more... complicated... being very pregnant and having a newborn.  Not "bad" necessarily.  Just complicated.  This spring and summer, though, are going to be that much more amazing.  And I can't wait.

Life Lately

I mentioned to Chris last night that I felt like I was in the movie Groundhog Day.  Every day has basically the same premise and challenges and it is all about how I respond over and over.  The same arguments at breakfast, the same fights against boredom, the same dishes, the same bedtime routines.  And then when it is all done, I do work and hope the house grows a little less cluttered each day instead of more.  I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining.  I think it is just more difficult in the winter.

We have had some differences day-to-day.  We've had an unusual amount of snow these days.  We went out in the snow just long enough to snag a few photos since it was so cold.  Jack was indifferent to the snow and Eliot grew pretty frustrated when snow got in his socks.  However, he did have fun helping Chris to shovel.

About a week ago, we welcomed a new kitty into our home.  Our house without Neko has been so quiet.  I couldn't think of a better way to honor her than to adopt another shelter cat.  We visited with many cats, but this one-year-old at the shelter seemed perfect for us.  I can't believe how sweet she is....  The boys just love her and she lets them play with her.  She cuddles with us at night, and sleeps in our bed.  She is getting along with the dogs well enough.  They've reached a bit of an understanding, but I'm sure they will all grow into friends.  After changing her name many times, Eliot agreed upon calling her Cricket.  I'm sure that I am just projecting this onto Cricket, but shelter cats (to me) seem like they have an extra measure of gratefulness that I have not found in other cats.

Jack is continuing to change before our eyes.  He is crawling great now.  For a while, he was crawling backwards, but he is going straight on forward now.  He grumbled about pureed baby food for a while; now he loves to feed himself puffs, mum mums, and steamed vegetables.  He tolerates some pureed food too, but I'm glad he is eating more solids these days.  He is really working on those top two teeth, yet I'm not expecting them anytime soon.  He seems to teethe for a long time.

Other than that, I've tried to keep busy and creative.  Setting up a "dinosaur train" in the hall, forts made of sheets, and "fishing" from Eliot's top bunk.  Chris and I did some painting in the house--and really need to finish up.  I have a date set for my dissertation proposal defense and I've kept up my work for my job, which makes me feel super productive and happy.  Winter isn't so bad....

And I'm counting down the days until our Florida vacation:  12 days left.  When we come home, it will be March and one step closer to spring.

Dear Jack: Seven Months

Dear Jack,

You are now seven months--closer to a year than your birth.  I look forward to you growing more and more, but I love you as our little baby too. 

 

You are so curious and interactive with everything.  To see something is to want to eat it, which is surprising because you don't actually like to consume anything but my milk.  You try to eat biscuits and mum-mums since they are finger foods, but you are not into pureed baby food.  Eliot was the same way, and, man, I wouldn't like pureed food either.  We are still nursing, which is longer than I nursed Eliot; however, it isn't because I'm super disciplined or anything.  We have no other choice, really!  You won't take bottles!  We got you to the point that you will drink a little from a sippy cup, so I was away from you for the longest time yet recently.  I thought of you the whole time, Jack.

You are growing and developing well.  You weigh about 18 pounds.  You wear size four diapers.  Your 6-12 month pants are quite tight and fit well in 12 month sleepers.  We recently moved you out of your infant carrier and into Eliot's old carseat.  You look like such a big boy, and I think it fits you better.  You are eager to crawl, but aren't quite there.  You scoot around, crawl backwards, and can crawl a couple of "paces" before falling on your belly.  You "pivot" around and get most places quickly.  You hate getting stuck on your belly and cry.  You'll get there in no time, I'm sure, and then we won't be able to stop you!

You seem extra clingy and fussy lately.  It looks like your top two teeth are trying to cut through, so I blame that.  Your bottom two finally cut through after three whole months of teething.  Goodness...

When you aren't fussy from being hungry or tired or just wanting to be held, you are super happy.  It is easy to get you to smile for photos.  You laugh easily and are so ticklish.  You want to grab my buttons, face, hair, food as I'm trying to eat, and everything you can.  You are so happy to explore.

You had your first snow this month.  It was so, so cold, though, and we didn't stay out long--just enough for a couple of photos.  You were ready to come.inside.fast.

Every day, I thank God for you.  I thank God that you are healthy, happy, strong, and growing.  You bring us so much happiness and joy.  Oftentimes while I am feeding you, you stop and look up at me and smile.  Moments like these with you make me feel like the most important person in the world.  Thank you for loving me.  I love you too, little baby.

Saying Good-bye to Neko-cat

The past few days have been such a blur.  I don't even know how to take it all in.  Last night, we had to make the difficult decision to put our cat, Neko, to sleep.

 
Neko would have been five years old in April.  That might sound young for a cat, but she had feline leukemia.  We didn't know she had FeLV when we picked her out at the shelter and were just devastated when we found out at her first vet appointment.  About 80% of FeLV cats don't make it past three years.  This virus attacks a cat's immune system and bone marrow.  There isn't really much treatment for FeLV, so after we learned that she was positive for FeLV, we just decided that we would give her the best life possible, no matter how short.

Neko did well for a long time.  She had asthma, so we just gave her a pill twice a day.  About once a year, she'd catch a bad cold.  We'd get scared...  But she always bounced back.  We were starting to get cocky about her health, and recently I mentioned how excited I was for her to turn five in April because she was really beating the odds.

Neko was always sweet, affectionate, playful, and lively.  She would wrestle the dogs--and win--and groom them afterward.  If someone came to visit, Neko would twirl around the visitor's ankles to say hello.  She was so hungry.  To know Neko was to have your food stolen by Neko.  She used to sit on my shoulder and literally take the food out of my mouth.  She was a bit wild too at times.  Despite being a strictly inside cat, she brought us many gifts.  She would bring us cave crickets in bed (sometime still alive).  She killed a bird and a bat that got in our house in Lynchburg as well as two lizards in Chesapeake.

Even though she came from a shelter and was taken off the street, she was so sweet.  She would play gently with Eliot.  If we went out, she would cry for us at the front door.  If Chris or I needed to stay up late doing work or school work or whatever, Neko would be right there.

About a month ago, Neko started losing a little weight.  I didn't think anything of it because she was a little heavy, so I thought we were just getting her at a better weight....  I guess that was probably the start of it all.  Then a few days ago, she was acting a little slow and tired.  Cats sleep a lot, so I again didn't think it was a big deal.  The next day, though, she was laying around, not eating, not drinking, not using her litter box, and looking ragged. The day after that was even worse, so we took her to the vet.  I knew it was over....  I knew the FeLV had gotten to her.  I knew there was next to nothing we could do.  The vet confirmed all of this.  Bone marrow cancer.  Possibly cancer in her kidney as well, but if not, definitely kidney failure.  There was a possibility we could treat the bone marrow cancer, but we'd have to do a lot of tests first, and then the treatment would be a "shot in the dark".  After that, it wouldn't be a matter of "if" the cancer would return but instead "when"--because it certainly would.  And even if that all went perfectly, we still had the issue with her kidney.  The doctor agreed that it was time to say good-bye.  Through tears we signed the papers.  And that was it.

I am still in shock about how quickly she went from fine to failing.

We haven't told Eliot yet.  He is at his grandparents' house in northern Virginia.  We had him stay with them so we could focus on doing whatever we needed to for Neko.  He comes home tomorrow and I don't even know how we're going to tell him because he loved her so much.  We lost our bunny about nine months ago, and he still asks about her.  I don't know if we'll get another cat or not.  We might, but not to replace Neko.  It'd be impossible to replace Neko.

Why Are Kids So Mean?

I always criticize myself for the words that I say to Eliot.  I try to speak blessings, not curses.  I try not to raise my voice too much.  I want to speak life into him and build up his esteem--and never tear him down.

Not everyone has this approach, though, and I can't protect Eliot from everything.  Lately, he has had a couple of rough days at the park.  Some kids told him that they hated him.  Another day, a girl pushed him off the playground equipment (which is at least five feet tall) and he hit a metal pole before falling onto the ground on his back.  He could have really gotten hurt.  And what was he doing to deserve such treatment?  He just was asking to play.  Now, I'll admit that Eliot is not always an angel at the park.  He has tackled a kid before (trying to play, not being mean) and I made him apologize.  And these kids' parents did tell them to stop, but they didn't say they were sorry.  And the damage had already been done.

It's heartbreaking.

What can I do to protect Eliot from rejection?

There isn't much I can do in some ways, and yet there is also so much.

I can continue to build him up and remind him that he is valuable, important, and special.

I can surround him with friends his age that are nice to him.  He goes to soccer class once a week where he plays structured games with other kids.  He has a number of friends his age--and they all are kind to him.  I try set up playdates every couple of weeks at least, but maybe I should try more.

And finally I can talk to him about what happened.  I can tell him that those kids were not being nice.  I can tell him that they probably didn't mean it, but they should not have acted that way.  I can encourage him to not do the same.

Eliot has also had some really great experiences at the park.  He makes friends easily and sets up games of chase.

I'm sure this is just the beginning of working through mean exchanges with other kids.  I recall friends being cruel to me when I was younger too, and I remember how it hurt.  I hope that we can instill in Eliot an understanding of his worth and where that worth comes from.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Psalm 139:14

Life Lately and Potty Training

Life has been rather quiet lately, and I have been feeling cooped up.  We are working on potty training, so we have tried not to go out and about too much in efforts to remain consistent.

Tuesday was Eliot's third birthday (ahhh!), and since we already had his party, we wanted to do some little special outings.  I took him to his soccer class in the morning where he behaved the worst he ever has (go team...).  Afterward, we had lunch at Qudoba so he could get guacamole and chips, which he thinks he gets every week after soccer.  Then we went to Target to pick up some groceries, a birthday toy, and a birthday bag of Cheetos.  After dinner, we drove out to get him a donut for dessert.  During this car ride, Jack screamed the whole time, Eliot tried to comfort Jack, and our dog yelped and whined (he has been in a lot of mysterious pain lately, so we brought him with us to avoid having him stressing out with us leaving--that plan backfired).  It was stressful to say the least, and I think we were all ready for bed when we got home, but, ya know, maybe car rides at night just aren't a good idea anymore with Jack.

Potty training has been going the best it has yet.  It is our third attempt.  Chris asked me a few times if we were the worst parents ever since our almost three-year-old refused to use the potty.  Before I had kids, I honestly figured I'd have my future children potty trained by two or two and a half.  Three seemed so late.  But, really, kids are so different.  Eliot is a smart boy.  He is independent and has to know how everything works.  When I tried to take away his diapers and put him in underwear last time, he would have nothing to do with it because he was afraid he'd have an accident.  He got really upset about it, so I decided to wait a few months.  I wanted to keep it all positive.  We didn't need crying over potty training.

This time, though, he was fine with the underwear once I got it on him.  He had a couple of accidents until I made him sit on the potty for 40 minutes after drinking.  And he used the potty!  Ever since, we've had just a few accidents (maybe one a day?), but he has used his little froggy potty and also the big potty.  He knows what to do, but I'm not sure that he understands when he has to go or quite how to hold it yet.  The more we practice, though, the more he will get it.  And we're certainly on the right path.  I'm really excited for him, and he gets so proud of himself whenever he uses the potty.

I've been taking the boys out together by myself lately a bit more.  Trips to get icecream.  A quick park visit in the cold.  Off to the grocery store.  With a new baby, I felt like I was in "survival mode" and had an excuse to do nothing by myself.  But when does having a baby cease to be an excuse?  When is it simply the new norm?  Jack isn't a hard kid, and Eliot listens fine enough most of the time.  The hardest thing about taking the two around town is getting Jack's dang carseat in and out.  I suppose two kids serves as an "excuse" for many things (like having a cluttered house or ordering pizza for dinner or having a pile of laundry in the hallway--which I currently do, by the way) depending on the day (whether or not they're being difficult), so I'll take the good days and the adventures with just mom when I can.