The Remaining Few Weeks: A Second Time

Being pregnant with our second babe has been so different than the first time around.  The seasons are opposite, my understanding of what is to come is more complete, and while I dealt with more worry at the beginning (this was due to the fact that I had a miscarriage about a year ago, so I was even more worried this time throughout the first trimester), I'm much more calm at this point.

Near the end of my pregnancy with Eliot, I grew anxious.  Every twinge made me wonder if I was going into labor or would be soon.  I googled everything, yet learned nothing.  Everything said "soon," but "soon" is far from quantifiable.  "Soon" could be hours or weeks or even a month.  It is a slow process that we begin at different times and progress at various rates.

Last time, I googled every symptom, ate eggplant parmesan with a lot of basil (and I did have a lot of contractions after that eggplant!), and went for walks to hopefully get Eliot going with real contractions.  This time, I'm googling symptoms to remind myself that it's normal, eating cereal, and walking when we do something fun while hoping it won't get Braxton Hicks contractions going.

This time, though, I am not convincing myself that I will go early, which has provided me much relief.  I pay attention to my contractions and am prepared in case somehow Jack decides to come early, but I don't sit around waiting for labor to begin.

Communication with my doctors has been so much better this time, so while I know you can't be in control of birth at all really, I feel like we're all on the same page.  I didn't quite understand last time what the plan was if I didn't go into labor on my own.  I didn't want to be induced--I wanted to avoid it--so instead I waited and I waited and had an emergency induction at 40 weeks and 4 days.  Eliot was born the next morning.  Due to our complications with Eliot, we're planning our induction this time.  I know I'll have to be induced eventually (that's just how I and all the women in our family are), so we might as well plan for it to avoid the emergency part like last time.

I'm not that worried about labor and delivery this time.  Chris is because he said it was so scary last time and he remembers being very tired.  When I think about it, it kind of was the worst pain I've ever been in, which is frightening to know is coming again.  I remember shaking, that I couldn't open my eyes, and I kept saying I was going to puke and didn't know if I had a bucket nearby.  However, I just am not that concerned for some reason.  I did it before, I guess, so I can do it again.  I didn't get an epidural until 2:00 am, which was nine hours in, so maybe if I get one earlier (and I could have, but they didn't tell me), it won't be as bad.  And last time, I had worked all week and that day.  Then we went to the doctor after work.  We were already tired.  Then we went to the hospital afraid because Eliot's fluid was low.  They started my pitocin around 5:00 pm.  I labored all night.  At 6:53 am, Eliot was born.  No wonder we were exhausted--we had been up all night knowing I was in danger of needing a c-section.  This time, though, it will likely be different.  With planning our induction, we will probably go in the morning.  I probably won't sleep well the night before, but I will be resting in bed at least.  I'll labor during the day, and I suspect I'll probably have Jack in the evening or night.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'll be more rested, so I probably won't be as exhausted when Jack arrives.  Plus, I really didn't sleep during my hospital stay with Eliot.  He wanted to be held to sleep at night (sound familiar?), and I remember not feeling that tired.

I do have new concerns this time around, though.  When I had Eliot, I just had to worry about my pets.  We also had a gas leak at our house, but Chris's parents fortunately arranged for it to be taken care of.  Now I am worrying about Eliot.  I've never spent a night away from him.  He sleeps in his own bed at night, but it isn't always easy and I know he won't go to sleep on his own in new surroundings.  My mom and Chris's mom both are willing to watch him, and he adores his Nana and Mawmaw.  However, three days seems like a long time to be apart from my Eliot.  I'll be worrying about him a lot.

I am still a bit nervous about leaking fluid and not realizing it.  With Eliot, it started at 38 weeks, which is in one week.  However, everything looked great at our 36 week ultrasound and we're taking control the best we can with the planned induction, so I am worrying less than earlier in my pregnancy.

Here we are.  The last couple of weeks.  I'm just trying to stay busy.  When I'm not busy, I just sit and think about having this baby--and that will drive you crazy waiting and waiting for weeks.  We got this; I'm not worried.