Dread

Every year as summer ends, I begin to panic.  I am full of dread.  As everyone starts talking about school beginning again, I don't want to go back to high school.  Not at all. 

I have back-to-school dreams, but not college dreams.  High school dreams.  In these dreams, I always get confused about my schedule, forget my homework, get in fights with teachers, and can't find a seat in the lunch room.  I didn't enjoy high school.  Commercials for back-to-school sales would start in July and I felt like my summer joy was being robbed.  As I walked into school on the first day in the fall, I'd have lofty ideas and plans for doing well in the classes I wasn't good at and thus hated (math and science. bleh), but it didn't quite work out how I planned.  When I graduated from high school, I was ready to get out, start over in college, and take classes in subjects that interested me:  literature.

Then I realize that I don't have to go back to high school for another year or start some job that I don't want to.  I am in college as I work on this dissertation and I have been working all summer at the job I will continue to have in the fall--nothing is changing.  There are actually few things in life that I truly dread.  Confusing customer service phone calls.  Weeding.  Going to the grocery store.  Long drives on 460 when the baby isn't amused.  Not having time to clean.  These things are nothing to complain about.  Not at all. 

As the weather grows a little cooler, I am thankful that I am making progress with my dissertation.  I am thankful that I love my job.  I am thankful to be working with students and faculty members--did I mention that I have been working at the university for five years now?  I am thankful that I have pretty much nothing to dread.