On Mothering Two

I'm no expert on mothering two babies at this point, but I have been at it for about four and a half months now.  When I was pregnant with Jack, I was taken back by the number of negative comments I received, especially when people heard I was having a second boy.  Another boy? Oh, well, maybe next time.  Maybe next time what?!  Two boys?  You're really in for it.  Yes, in awesomeness.  You're really going to have your hands full--more than you realize.  Talk about doom and gloom...  Complete strangers would say these things, and some of those people worked in my OB office.  Goodness!  As if I weren't nervous enough about handling two without emotionally damaging them.

However, it has been four and a half months, and all is going just fine!

Some nights, Christopher and I will sit on different couches.  One of us holds, loves on, and tickles one son while the other plays with the other.  Life sure is different with kids, especially with two, and our hands are full, yet I never feel sad on these nights.  Instead, I feel so thankful.  I'm thankful for both of our boys and that my husband so freely loves on them with me.  We might be sitting across the room from one another, but I certainly do not feel distant from him.

Maybe we just got lucky with Eliot and Jack since there don't seem to be any jealousy issues.  I know I might still "have it coming" later when Jack is able to knock down Eliot's block towers (and we'll deal with that when we get there), yet Eliot just adores Jack.  And Jack seems so intrigued by Eliot.  Every night, Eliot brings out a blanket, throws two pillows on the floor, and sets up a little snugglefest for himself and Jack.  It's so cute.  And it takes everything in me to stop myself from saying, "Stopppp pulling Jack!  Don't put so much blanket on himmm!"  Because Jack.just.loves.it.  He smiles so big and laughs on and on.

 

I do worry about balancing the two in the right way.  Jack relies on me for so much more than Eliot, so I have to juggle who gets their needs met first.  There are times when I nurse Jack and tell Eliot that he will have to wait.  When Eliot started asking, "You have to feed Jack first?" after making most requests, I felt guilty at first.  He must feel like he never comes first.  He must feel unimportant....  Then I realized no, that isn't necessarily the case.  He is realizing that sometimes he has to wait because his "wants" and minor "needs" aren't always the first priority.  He accepts that and has never thrown a fit over having to wait for Jack to eat.  He is learning to be patient.  And then there are times when I allow Jack to grumble or fuss for a little bit longer than I want to because I'm getting something for Eliot.  I might be getting snack for Eliot while Jack wants to be re-positioned, but Jack can wait just a moment.

I might have a lot to do between the two--twice the diapers, twice the feedings, twice the laundry--but they often entertain each other and give me a break.  Jack is so incredibly fascinated by Eliot.  He watches his every move.  And Eliot loves to sit on the floor and talk to Jack.  Before Jack came along, it would be hard to find a distraction for Eliot if I needed to tidy up or something, but now I just tell Eliot to talk to Jack.  Everyone is happy.

The sweetest thing of all, I think, is stepping back and watching Eliot try to take care of Jack.  When Jack cries, Eliot assures him that it is OK and sings "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star".  Eliot brings him blankets when he thinks Jack is cold.  Eliot tries to help me give Jack a bath.  It's not always easy.  It is sometimes hard.  But isn't everything worth having just a little hard sometimes?  I have loved having one boy for two and a half years before Jack came, but, you know what? I love having two boys even more.

When I was pregnant, I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to do it with two.  I tend to ignore negativity when it comes my way, yet with this, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe they would be right.  Two boys at two very different places could be so rough.  And life with a newborn?  It's hard, right?  But you choose what you focus on.  I can't even remember what it was like without Jack--and I don't want to necessarily.  I love these two boys together.  They'll have ups and downs, but if now is any indication of the future, they're going to be best friends.  I can't wait to watch them grow together.