Dear Jack: Five Months

Dear Jack,

You are sleeping quietly next to me in bed.  I watch you softly breathing and listen to muffled raindrops hitting my bedroom window.  You are so calm and peaceful.  You fall asleep on me often while nursing, but I love these moments when you sleep in my bed before I move you to your crib--these times when I can watch you without the usual noise of the rest of the house.

You are five months old today.  What changes!  All of the time, always changes.  I took you to the doctor today for two vaccines.  There in the waiting room, a new mom held her two-week-old baby boy.  I couldn't believe how small he was.  And then I couldn't believe that you were once that little too.  You have changed so much.  Today you sat straight up in my lap, looked around the room, smiled at strangers, chewed on your fingers, and let out a few loud music notes as you sang.  You are growing!

This month, you've accomplished a few big things.  You can roll over both ways now.  You can pull your toys down yourself to make them create noise.  You are still working on those bottom teeth (they seem so close!).  You don't sit up on your own, but you're getting there.  When you roll on your tummy, you push up and almost seem like you are trying to army crawl.

It is fun to watch you play with toys now.  I think your favorite toy right now, though, is your feet.  You love to roll from side to side and pull on your toes.

I tried offering you some solids, but you aren't interested.  Just like with your brother, I gave you mushed avocado.  You didn't get it at all.  I don't think you are ready yet, and I'm really not stressing about it.  You'll get there when you are ready.  We are still exclusively breastfeeding, but I thought it would be a good idea to try to get you used to a bottle.  You hated that idea, so that is what my next project will be:  teaching you to use a bottle.  I just want you to have that "skill" of sorts in case I have to be away from you.

Jack, you are sweet, soft, affectionate, and happy.  It is SO easy to make you laugh.  You love peek-a-boo, airplane, tickles (and you are ridiculously ticklish), and standing up.  You still hate car rides, being in the dark, and being hungry.  Your teeth or SOMETHING is bothering you lately, so you are either always super happy or quite fussy.  Usually, though, you are happiest in the morning.  And, honestly, you are quite easy-going.  We have taken you to a couple early morning races to watch your dad run, and you just smile, giggle, and endure the cold.  You stick your tongue out trying to catch the wind.  As long as you aren't in the car, you're doing well.

You experienced your first snow for about three seconds this month.  There were just flurries, but your brother wanted to go outside, so we all bundled up for a few photos.

In a couple of days it will be Thanksgiving--our first one with you.  I don't have to be reminded by a holiday, though, to be thankful for all of the blessings we have.  Every single day, I look at you and hold back the tears of gratefulness that I feel.  We prayed for you, baby, and our hearts hurt while we struggled to understand loss.  And all while I was pregnant with you, I was overjoyed yet also overcome by fear--the fear of losing you.  But then you came.  Healthy, beautiful, perfect--complementing our family and bringing us into a new dynamic.  You are perfect for us and I hope that I can be close to perfect for you.  I thank God for you every day.